[Mes T]

Well put, HD.

Gosh Jim I'd even go back on your "promise." Or at LEAST, "modify" the promise. Like mentioned before, say, "Okay Sluggo I'll give you the bike, BUT, only once you find a job. Until then I'll be getting all the insurance and things sorted, so that by the time you do have your job, the bike will be ready for you."

[SaharaJim]

Well....rumpledumbersniggindsnark!...the advice being pretty much "universal"...looks like I screwed up. Hard to teach an "old dog" new tricks. I've never been a "father" until this last two years.
I did stop giving her "pocket money" the week after she married- I figured at that point it was her "husband's" responsability. But when she moved out here she had no job and no money....bad things happen when people feel "desperate". And they will be in real financial problems without his job. I "know" they will come needing financial asst. It absolutely stuck in my craw to have them apply for public asst. because their combined income left them below the poverty level. The apartment they live in is far below "housing standards"- hot water iffy, no heat most of the time, major appliances not working- they "cooked" for almost nine months with the microwave we gave them. ( need I go on?)
BUT SERIOUSLY; if she were your daughter- what would you do?
The bike at least give him a "chance" of being employed.

[jns]

Jim, its so nice that you are building such a good relationship with your son-in-law. Work on the saying "be careful what you wish for, you may receive it" (Anonymous from The Monkey's Paw - W. W. Jacobs). I know you are clever, use your cleverness.

[SaharaJim]

JNS? that's SLUG- in law

[jns]

Jim, its so nice that you are building such a good relationship with your son-in-law. Work on the saying "be careful what you wish for, you may receive it" (Anonymous from The Monkey's Paw - W. W. Jacobs). I know you are clever, use your cleverness.

Jim, the first sentence is very much tongue-in-cheek.

[SaharaJim]

Jim, the first sentence is very much tongue-in-cheek.

I know sorry I was trying to be "funny" but it fell flat It's almost midnight here ...time for bed. Got a "fun" prelim tomarrow morning;
a "puppy"DA needs a lesson in :manners".

[Little]

I watch others enable and support their do-nothing step-children, in-laws, and even their own blood ... and those supported do NOTHING to fix themselves ... all day long. I know plenty of people who do it.
The only thing I've seen work is letting them go so that they can crash and burn. Yep, it's hard. I don't know if I could do it in the event that my son grew up to be a moocher. But it seems to be the motivation these people need. You'd be surprised how hard someone will work not to crash and burn ... or to pick up the pieces once they do.
But regardless of what I've seen, I'm still crossing my fingers that your Slug-in-law shapes up and uses the resources you've given him in the best way. You can only hope for the best!

[SaharaJim]

I don't know if I could do it in the event that my son grew up to be a moocher. But it seems to be the motivation these people need. You'd be surprised how hard someone will work not to crash and burn ... or to pick up the pieces once they do.
But regardless of what I've seen, I'm still crossing my fingers that your Slug-in-law shapes up and uses the resources you've given him in the best way. You can only hope for the best![/QUOTE]

Thanks Little. Back in my "Drinking days" a lot of people 'helped' me" when I really wasn't worth the price of the bullet it would have taken to end me. And then there is my wife....she cries over her daughter, her daughter's choices, and her daughter's foolishness...BUT she is still her daughter. And SHE is still my wife..what "hurts" her makes me furiousAs for Sluggo...well...they make laws to protect people like him from people like me. I will pray; help as much as I can without going to far into enabling (he said as he stood waist deep in de'Nile). But what I have read on this thread "reassures me" that I am not just a stingy old MCP- that what I "think" is really pretty "mainstream"..and that "helps".

[BabyGirl]

While very Admirable that you are an honest man and keep your word, there are ways that you can " Limit the Loaner ".

You can have him sign a contract to the Loaner Rules.

1) The Bike may only be used between 8 AM and 5 PM .Only Monday thru Friday. And for Job Search only, no going to parties or hanging out with Buddies.

2) Once he gets a Job, he can " Rent the Bike " until he can save enough to get his own car fixed, get another car or bike of his own. The rent a Bike, doesn't have to be allot of money, say $25 a week.

3) Unless he is working, ( depending on how far they live from you ) the bike should be Picked up in the Morning and returned in the Evening.

This way your daughter has the " lesson " of making sure he's up and has the hassle of driving him to and from his " Loaner Bike".

If they live too far for this to be feasible, then he must return the Bike to you every Friday by say 6 PM, and Pick it up Every Monday Morning.
This still gives them the " Lesson ".


4) If he gets a Job that is evenings or weekends, Then he can do the Rent A Bike with you. Allow him 2 weeks for his first Paycheck, before charging the Rental " fee". If he fails to pay, the bike is repossessed and they are on their own.

5) He is responsible for all gas and oil and basic maintenance while it is in his possession. If he wrecks it, dumps it, has it stolen, He will repay you the Value of the Bike and/or repair it at his Cost.

If you sit down and make a legal and binding contract with Sluggie, explain it in understandable ( to Him ) terms. Have him sign it , with Witnesses or Notary ( I'm sure you know one or two at the Courthouse... lol ).

Go through the Yada yada , sub contract things like catching him at the river/lake with the Bike, Instant Repo. catching him riding it in " Non~ Interview " type clothes, Instant Repo.

This way, Wife is happy that you are " Helping ", daughter can't Claim you won't help, Sluggie is Obligated and on Contract to try and Help himself and his Wife.

You ?? You may not be Happy, but can be Proud that you Honored your WORD !!!


P.S.
Rule # 6 , in very small print.
If he knocks up your Daughter, before he has a stable Job and can afford to raise a Child. He Divorces his wife and you Give him the Bike as his share of the Possessions of the Marriage. But don't mention the 18 years of Child support.

[Texinator]

...or give him a tricycle and tell him you want him to start off slow and work his way up. It'll be a good lesson in how to be goal oriented and patient.