[Velto_Vixen]

CW-I've decided to talk to him more, communication really does bring us closer but i dread the talks incase i hurt him.

I want to try not to be jealous i just am not sure how i do that...i guess i have to tell him, though i like pretending i have no issue with it.

But it's a counsellor, not a relationship counsellor?

Ofcourse life won't be "perfect' but at least "Happy" yes? I've been happy twice before, maybe 3 times...during eras of my life. The last year of primary school, and 2 of my boyfriends, i just don't feel hope anymore, i feel like my future is full of dred.

I still am nice to my bird, she will be nice back sometimes and randomly snap, like yesterday she kissed my face and then she bit my nose, i didn't do anything, she just gets all antsy because of her hormones...at least i know what that's like to feel so i can't really blame her...but she's scary!

You're a lovely lady, thank you for your advice.

mes T- i know he loves me but i think that he just loves his family different to me in a more powerful grounded way. I don't think it's my insecurities i have good evidense.

He hasn't lost feelings for me but perhaps i have for him, i feel like i have sometimes, but then yesterday we had a moment, and i miss feeling like that about him ALL the time!!! It's just sometimes now.

I think i want to break up just to escape and be alone, i doubt very much that i will "heal" i will simply "avoid". Go back to what my life was, mooching off my parents (still working just enough to buy what i wanted but still under their roof for free). They didn't mind, they prefer it infact, but i tried to make a life of myself by studying so i can get a house, but now i don't think that will happen.

[Ashlee T.]

I'm learning something in my life too. What I want in love is not unrealistic, but trying to force things to work with men that are not right for me, has made me feel that my true desires are unrealistic. They aren't.

Your biggest mistake here is that (IMO), your life, your existance, your happiness, your "independence" revolves around a man. So if you don't have a man you'll "be alone", "mooch off your parents" etc. You look at it as if you don't have this relationship, then you can make nothing of yourself. Why do you feel that way? First and foremost, if you expect a man to provide your happiness in life, your stability in life, your reason for being........then not only are you setting yourself up for failure, you're setting him up for failure too. He cannot win in that...because it is not possible for him to provide someone true happiness when they are not happy with themselves.

If you tell yourself that this is what you'll do, that if things end you'll mooch off your parents and do nothing with yourself...then that's what you'll do. So by saying it to yourself, you're already setting yourself to fail and be unhappy....on purpose. Perhaps it's time to take a different viewpoint?

How many times in your life have you been HAPPY, single? Perhaps its also time to be single, and to find happiness in yourself. That's when you'll be truly open to that true love you're seeking. But I do not think this relationship is, or will ever be, that for you.

[Velto_Vixen]

No, i just want to be alone....I do want my own house but i can't afford it on my own so that dream will die....but if i had him i could afford a house...that being said i really don't have any good aspirations in life.
I do realise this, i tell him that he isn't responsible for lifting my self esteem but he still has a great impact on how i see myself. If someone insults you and you don't have a good self esteem, you're going to believe it. I really do know i need to build my S.E up b ut i really don't know how and i've tried but i will keep on trying.

I'm trying to re-fix my mind into realizing a relationship is two people working hard not to kill each other. Understanding that the other is a human like themselves. But it's hard when i watched 2 rom coms a day for most of my life, i've been raised with effortless happy endings and a real life marriage that DID NOT WORK leaving both parties miserable. So my mind is hoping for the rom com, but knowing that if it turns sour it will be miserable. So i'm scared and hopeful with no tools of knowing how a functional union works.

Before him i didnt' want to buy a house, and i didn't need to earn money, i had enough (no rent etc), so i was with my parents really LOVING my life, feeling sorry for all those hard working tired people. So naturally when i got with him i decided i needed study for a real job so we could get a house. So if he and i end, i do not need this and can go back to how it was. I miss how it was, it was easy! Now i'm so stressed all the time it literally is making me ill

Errr, i've been depressed most of my adult life, so it was only before my last long term relationship that i was happy single (but looking...very much looking). So...i don't think there was ever a time...maybe during a time when i was less depressed and single, but i just felt out of place a lot. I dunno. And i do crave being single, i like the lack of effort needed in day to day life. Just considering my feelings.

So, my relationship atm will never be the source of my happiness? So i should end it?