[Magnetism]

Magnetism, I agree with you on many things, I feel my temperament and attitude naturally gravitates towards eastern philosophy and I agree with much from Buddhism.

You should accept peoples limitations and accept their weaknesses and shortcomings as individuals, you cannot expect anyone to be any more than human, and as in any interaction involving another person you cannot take control of the outcome in any given situation, people are unpredictable, but we can rely on them and to act based on self interest, believe none of what you hear and half of what you see until proven otherwise.

Just because we accept peoples' limitations doesn't mean we should drop our guard or not take measures to protect ourselves and our interests, this isn't selfishness it's safeguarding ourselves, women especially are more vulnerable when they're amongst men, especially men they cannot trust.

I've always subscribed to the 'be kind to people and they'll be kind back' philosophy and it's literally lost me thousands and thousands of pounds in business deals gone sour and people abusing my trust. Read 'the 48 laws of power' by Robert Greene (the concise version if you are pressed for time) this will shed more insight into the psychology of human nature than anything else you've ever read. The problem with eastern philosophy is that too many people simply see kindness as weakness, and when they do they'll exploit it mercilessly and for their own benefit and self interest then just move onto someone else. I agree wholeheartedly that if everyone subscribed to it, the world would a happier and more peaceful place with little suffering, but that is unlikely. Just remember there is a Law pretty much prohibiting every conceivable crime, and that is because mankind cannot regulate its own behavior when it comes to wronging other people.

You're right, there is no point dwelling on the past and being bitter about the things you can't change; also, hating people etc will get you nowhere, but this doesn't mean you shouldn't take measures to protect yourself in the present and future. What is better: forgiving someone for something, or not letting that person wrong you in the first place because you took reasonable (legal and moral) steps to protect yourself from it happening in the first place?

Ask yourself this: would you make friends with Vince if you met him for the first time at that party?

I think the following proverb is pretty sensible, 'love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe'.

I've also noticed that kindness and femininity is looked down on the West. My values are that it's more powerful to walk away from a situation and maintain your dignity than have to "prove to be a (edit)". If I want to attract a compassionate and emapthic man, I would like to practice these values myself...even in the midst of evil or one's wrongdoings.

Would I be friends with Vince if I just met him that night? No. The tricky part is that he was very nice, trustworthy and supportive for years before that incident. I wonder if his girlfriend influenced him to take part of the "let's pressure someone to get drunk" mentality. His girlfriend has a strong and aggressive personality as well, but she also wants to get back in touch with me.


Now, I do have an action plan to make sure that these things don't happen again. I will see Vince as someone to laugh and hang out with, but not someone to share deep and painful moments with. I like the eastern value of being discreet too, hehe! You can hang out with someone, but you don't have to reveal every aspect of yourself and expect that they will reliable with it.

I've had my fair share of mistakes as well, and I know I would like to be forgiven and given another chance. If someone refuses to talk to me (which has happened), I am able to accept that well.

I do believe in the universe and life giving me subtle signs on what's the best action plan to. I kept waiting for a response from Vince, and I got one.

[Hugo-B]

Good for you Magnetism, I was just worried you were going to leave yourself to be exposed to being taken advantage of, that's all, you seem to have a good grip on the situation.

Vince's GF is probably jealous of you, and I'm glad you've put some 'restrictions' on the friendship.

I like the remark you made about femininity being looked down upon in the West, I think we (the members of this forum) could have a raging debate for hundreds of pages about femininity but we'll save that for another day LOL. I agree though that many men mistakenly interpret femininity for weakness. The most important thing I believe is not to let the behavior of others stop you from being you.

[Magnetism]

Good for you Magnetism, I was just worried you were going to leave yourself to be exposed to being taken advantage of, that's all, you seem to have a good grip on the situation.

Vince's GF is probably jealous of you, and I'm glad you've put some 'restrictions' on the friendship.

I like the remark you made about femininity being looked down upon in the West, I think we (the members of this forum) could have a raging debate for hundreds of pages about femininity but we'll save that for another day LOL. I agree though that many men mistakenly interpret femininity for weakness. The most important thing I believe is not to let the behavior of others stop you from being you.

I'm aware that gender roles is a touchy subject, but I know I will not be happy if I act like a stereotypical aggressive man. There's nothing wrong with being soft, simply walking away from a situation or acting lady-like to the swearing road rager . People may see not reacting as a weakness or being "meek", but it's just retaining your femininity.

People are free to disagree with me on this.

[Hugo-B]

If more people were trusting, trustworthy, honest, forgiving, and empathetic, the world would be a better place. A stereotypical aggressive man is a role no one should want to assume.

I think we all have different ideas of exactly what femininity constitutes, and how we should and shouldn't assert ourselves in various situations. I'm not going to try and define 'feminine' nor dictate what constitutes feminine and non feminine behavior. What I will say though, is femininity shouldn't be equated to weakness, and masculinity shouldn't be associated with violence, aggression, and authority over women. A real man wouldn't try and bully a women, and yes, I'm alluding to Vince, whom I've taken a vehement disliking to, sue me.

I think it's important for all of us to try and preserve our values (as you preserved yours, not reducing yourself to the lowest common denominator) which we tie in with our image, behind which is our identity. i.e; if you view yourself as a feminine, non drinking women I should respect that as your identity, and not try and goad/bully/push you into compromising your values and getting blind drunk so I can reduce you to a vomiting mess, all because I don't have the capacity to view things through the eyes of others and thus cannot respect their choices.