[jns]

I think you have gotten some good advice from CW and bb after filling in the details a bit. Now everything is starting to fit. He definitely is taking advantage of you. There is someone out there that is the right one for you and he will different than this guy.

[Hugo-B]

This definitely doesn't come to a surprise to me. All I ever seem to run into is A-holes.. With relationships anyways. Should I tell him that we shouldn't talk anymore and leave it at that? And to answer your question, buddhaboy, I'm going on 21 years old.

I can't tell you how to live your life Chris, but if you were my little sister I'd tell you the only time you should speak to him again is to demand the money back!
I don't mean to sound patronizing but at the age of 21 (you lucky thing) having 'tangoed' with a few A-holes isn't too tragic or unusual, I really wouldn't worry too much. Just keep your head screwed on and make sure you never get pregnant by someone like this either. (big brother talk over ;-)

In short, stay away from him! He's got NOTHING to offer you, in fact he's a detriment since he can't even afford to buy his own drinks!

The simple way to weed out the A-holes is to (and I'm not implying you're 'easy') is to impose a rule which makes all potential suitors HAVE to wait 30 days (at least) for sex. A-holes have a tendency to be impatient and they don't like waiting around. The good news is that men with a genuine and sincere interest in YOU, and getting to know you WILL.

30 days' build up (or more, it's up to you) of flirting, getting to know someone, going for drinks, eating out, and getting to know each other is FUN, and makes for terrific foreplay. Any guy who sticks around for this long has more going for him than this other tool, just ensure his words and actions are consistent with each other, this is important and a VERY good way of ascertaining someone's values and the strength of their character.

As for meeting decent guys, 'where are they?' I hear you cry, the good news is that they're everywhere! You probably just don't notice them because of the distractions created by the 'bad boys'. I know that these kind of unpredictable men display characteristics which you can't help but find attractive, whereas quieter types are - on the face of things - less attractive. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to try and look past this. If you can, I can promise you your luck will change, they do say luck is what happens when preparation (you looking past the bad boys, beyond the vast mountain of A-holes that have been obstructing your vision) meets opportunity, and we're just getting onto that...

The best advice I can give you is to take a slightly more proactive approach, the best opportunities are the one's you make for yourself: give men an excuse to speak to you, give men who aren't as confident and forthcoming a chance (bumping into them always works, followed by saying, 'shall we go get a drink and make friends?'); 'help them' keep a conversation with you going by asking them questions (everyone's favorite subject is themselves); don't be too quick and harsh judging them (you can't write off every man whose shoes don't match his belt as a complete loser). In short give a more 'normal' men a chance, take the lead (subtly) and when you do, rest assured men are nowhere near as fussy as women.

I can promise you, as sure as night follows day by taking the lead (and no matter what other girls say this doesn't make you 'desperate', there's a BIG difference between desperation and taking the lead) with less confident men you'll uncover some serious gems!


Good luck Chris, I've a got a good feeling about you, I think you'll do just fine x

[Hugo-B]

I think you have gotten some good advice from CW and bb after filling in the details a bit. Now everything is starting to fit. He definitely is taking advantage of you. There is someone out there that is the right one for you and he will different than this guy.

I'm glad you concur, thanks JNS.

Chris, how old is A-hole? I'm guessing a few years older than you, 25?

[Chris1030]

I just don't get why guys would do something like this. He's a real player. I know how he is, I guess I thought he could change. I always try to see the best in people. With him, I was wrong. And he's going to be 23 in January.

[Hugo-B]

Relationships are difficult enough Chris with people who don;t need to change. You owe yourself better than that. As I said you did nothing wrong, sometimes the biggest mistake you can make in a relationship (business/friends/personal) is trusting someone. Trust has to be earned, piously hoping someone will change is a recipe for disappointment at best.

Try and forget about him x

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Be wary of the Internet Chris. What they project across the screen isn't necessarily who they are, ie) their intentions and why they are there to start with.

Chalk it all down to experience but learn from it, if you are running into the same type then you aren't learning I know this is such an old saying but you have to love yourself, to bring love into your life, otherwise you bring in scumbags

Tell him nothing. Just totally ignore him, block him. Funny, guys absolutely hate that as much as women, you know the "no closure bit?"......

Maybe don't try dating from the Internet either, rather hang out with friends, go places, and meet people face to face, it's a better learning curb to be able to see someone's words as they speak, face to face to judge what type of person they are, than the internet

[Chris1030]

Thank you again, both of you. I really appreciate it! (: You've made me feel a lot better about the whole situation. I know what I have to do now.