[Stillness]

Just be clear, I don't think anyone here is intentionally trying to distract from the issue, including my main man Corey. I think that the "alcohol" line of thinking is a red herring our society collectively holds to. I think we've bought into the line that rapists lay on us - maybe because most of us aren't thinking on that level or because we want to sugarcoat the fact that some of our fathers, friends, and brothers are rapists. So we do things like substitute one evil act (the premeditated sexual violation of our women) for another (false reporting of a crime) because the latter is maybe less horrible and can be excused because it's carried out by a "weak-willed woman."

To test the theory, substitute a man as the regret-filled false-reporter. Your mind probably doesn't process it the same way. Try an alleged male-on-male assault with a "semi-conscious" victim...

There is actual science on this issue. We don't have to guess, trust anecdotes, opinions, or common knowledge. Yes women lie about rape to get revenge or a paycheck or some other reasons. Yes, "confusion" occurs and consent lines are "blurred." There are billions of people with billions of details that can be involved in every scenario. But why does the mind run to things that happen so rarely (if ever) that they are barely worth considering? According to the studies, the majority of acquaintance rapes are:

-Not because of misunderstanding or failure to communicate
-Not isolated, one-time events
-Do involve coercion
-Are committed by serial rapist 90% of the time
-Have victims who are selected in advance because they are vulnerable

Little already brought to our attention that these acquaintance rapes account for most rapes. So, if we could acknowledge these findings instead of clinging to these ideas of the typical rapist being someone lurking behind a tree or some wide-eyed young man that got caught up in the confusion of a passionate, alcohol-driven encounter, we'd be better off I think. Because the questions could be: "Was there consent? Can it be proven that there wasn't?" for criminal issues. And for the rest of us, it could be, "Are we giving shelter to violence against our daughters, wives, mothers, and sisters?"

[Stillness]

I just saw a 2 minute 44 second video that says what I've been struggling to say so much more articulately.

Google "non-stranger rapes cbs news video". It should be the first hit. The researcher discusses how the way we process the fact that alcohol was consumed "gives a free pass to sexual predators."

[Anaida]

From the RAINN website:
Approximately 2/3 of rapes were committed by someone known to the victim.
73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.
38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
28% are an intimate.
7% are a relative.

Rape polices women's life. We can't drink. We can't use other impairing substances. We can't go to new places. We can't meet new people. If we do, we have to bring along a known man who is physically imposing - more physically imposing than the people we're meeting or the people in the places we're going. And then we probably "owe" the man some sexual favors for protecting us! Rape happens to women in all situations, who act all ways, who do all things. One in four women of college age have been raped, one in eight women in college get raped. 35% of male college students in one survey said they'd commit rape if they could get away with it. One in twelve in the same survey admitted to committing acts that match the legal definition of rape.

Rape has nothing to do with regret. It has to do with entitlement, expectations, and power. Rape culture is certain people lacking respect for others enough to disregard their consent for some reason - and feeling vindicated in doing so. Rape culture is also other people vindicating rapists, particularly by blaming victims. She was drunk. She wore a short skirt. She was alone at night.

I agree that not just anybody can be a rapist. But a rapist can be anybody. Your neighbors, your coworkers, your classmates, your cousins, your hometown heroes.

Are you serious about the 35%? That's HORRIBLE. I hope the survey was faulty. We have a VERY bleak future ahead of us as a world if there's any truth to it.

About rape culture; I feel an overwhelming pessimism regarding it. Women will ALWAYS be the first to be blamed for Rape; its the collective patriarchy speaking. Men are NOT viewed as "censurable" or "controllable", women are.

[rcoreyus]

I find the 35% number REALLY surprising. It would be good to know what question they actually asked. You also have to remember that some people will just give random answers to surveys just to cause trouble. Still it is clear that rape is a very big problem.

I think part of the issue is that we bundle a bunch of things together under the term "rape", when the causes may be very different. Rape intended to abuse women out of anger / hatred may be a different issue from rape as sort of "theft of sex", which may be different from rape by someone with a pathological lack of self control. All are very serious crimes, but the methods to prevent them may be different.

[jns]

I do not find the 35% number especially surprising. I think that there may not be the moral basis being taught to children these days to keep this number lower.

[Stillness]

I do not find the 35% number especially surprising. I think that there may not be the moral basis being taught to children these days to keep this number lower.

Ditto. I hate this, but I do think it's true. Saying you would do a thing and actually doing it are two different things, but they're only a step removed. Some of those people may not do it, but the only thing stopping others is opportunity or the fear of getting caught. We need to face this stuff instead of denying it.

[rcoreyus]

The 35% may be because most people (fortunately) have NOT committed rape. The are probably imagining a rape fantasy - not the ugliness of a real rape. There are many people who have rape fantasies, and depending on how the question was asked, those very different things might have been confused.

[Anaida]

* rcoreyus: Hope so. There's NO WAY in HELL people could've been serious about that.

[JadedQueen]

Back in my drinking days years ago. I had a select few female friends that I would go out to the bar with and we ALWAYS drank responsibly mostly for making sure that everyone in our group had a good time and made it home safe and sound. We ALWAYS had a designated driver who was also the designated babysitter on some occasions. The DD was not only responsible for making sure the rest of us got home safe and sound but also responsible for making sure no one separated from our group and ended up going home with someone we hardly knew. We always took turns being DD (sometimes someone would volunteer to do it depending on the plans for the following day and not wanting to be hung over etc...). Looking back now I think it was a pretty smart and responsible way to go out, drink alcohol and know that we wouldn't have any regrets (or worse) the following day. I think everyone that goes out drinking should adopt a similar practice... it would cut down on a lot of unfortunate incidents that tend to happen when alcohol is involved. Sure, it sucks being out in a bar and not drinking sometimes... and some people are not capable of doing it (which is a red flag for alcoholism). A lot of times I enjoyed being the DD because not only did I NOT have a hangover the following day.... I also had total recall of what happened the night before and an opportunity to tease my friends which was PRICELESS!!! When you hear of the rape stories, the missing person reports of people missing after having been out drinking at a bar, or the DUI arrest... or accidents where alcohol was a contributing factor if not the reason and permanent injury or death results being a DD one out of four times going out with your friends to the bar is a very small sacrifice and in my opinion worth making.