[effy2014]

My suggestion is to meet with a therapist for a few sessions to help sort things through. If you find the right therapist like I did, the world straightens itself out in no time. It is so hard to not to blame yourself when he blames you, you blame you and all you think about is being back with him. You may not believe it but this too shall pass.

[rcoreyus]

Yes you can go out with friends if you want. You can go out with single guys if you want. You could have a string of one-night-stands and in no way be at fault if you want (though I don't recommend it - but only because it probably wouldn't make you happy). You can do whatever you want. He left you. You are completely blameless and you are now freed from any requirement do do anything for him.

You are FREE. It may take some time for you to decide what you you want to do with that freedom, but when you decide, go do it.

snip I can't even go out now with friends because all I can think about is how I could be portrayed "Unfaithful" I still feel guilty just being around single guys. .

[Pneeleysmom]

Very, VERY hard last few days. I don't even know how to explain how I am feeling. I found a video today on my phone of us all playing in the yard, a couple months before I found out about the affair. We were what seemed to be so happy, and he seemed to be so happy. I miss my family so much. Our daughter deserves to have her mother and father together in the same home raising her together. I'm sure she's so confused having to bounce to daddy's every other weekend, with his new girlfriend. I broke down today and called him, I was in tears. I told him I was sorry, that I was having a bad day and, that I shouldn't have even called and that I needed to just let him off the phone. He said "It's okay, I will call you back in just a little bit" WHY do I hang on to the fact that my family may be back together again? He's with this other woman. If he loved me, he would leave her and come back to us, right? I am just so devestated today. WHY can't I just remember back when we would have arguments, or fights? Seems I can only remember how much I want him and our family whole again, and how that would make me the happiest person in the world, even though if that ever happend, that probably wouldn't be the case. This is all so hard! I just want him to want us back

[jen1447]

Those feelings are all perfectly normal hon. You just have to ride them out. We always see the good stuff and ignore the bad stuff when we're feeling whimsical and nostalgic, and you're in the thick of an emotional whirlwind right now so it's inevitable you'll go there. Try to hang on.

[Pneeleysmom]

Those feelings are all perfectly normal hon. You just have to ride them out. We always see the good stuff and ignore the bad stuff when we're feeling whimsical and nostalgic, and you're in the thick of an emotional whirlwind right now so it's inevitable you'll go there. Try to hang on.

Thanks Jen,

Do you suggest that I text him and ask him not to call me back? Or just let him call and tell him how I'm feeling? I don't know anymore what's best and what isn't.

[jen1447]

How would either of those outcomes make you feel - basically him calling and you talking, or not?

[Pneeleysmom]

Jen,
I really don't know. I guess I just want him to know how I'm feeling. I'm sure he already knows. I definitely don't want to come across as desperate, but I sure feel it and have felt it the last few days. I just feel like he's lost and in deep, even though that could be the furthest thing from the truth at this point, for all I know. I don't know. I don't know anything

[Pneeleysmom]

How would either of those outcomes make you feel - basically him calling and you talking, or not?

Maybe I should just text him and ask him to please not call me, that I was having a low morning and my talking to him won't change the outcome if he's not feeling what I'm feeling.

[jen1447]

Nah. I have a suggestion instead - take some time out today (right now if you can) to write out your thoughts and feelings, the way you're feeling right now. Actually write it down, or type it or whatever. You can even post it here if you want to, but the writing itself is the important thing. It really helps to focus your thoughts and 'exorcise' your feelings. What do you think?

[Pneeleysmom]

Nah. I have a suggestion instead - take some time out today (right now if you can) to write out your thoughts and feelings, the way you're feeling right now. Actually write it down, or type it or whatever. You can even post it here if you want to, but the writing itself is the important thing. It really helps to focus your thoughts and 'exorcise' your feelings. What do you think?

Okay, here it goes :
I'm feeling like all I can think about is being back in the comfort of my marriage. I feel like I'll never find anyone that makes me feel complete and safe like he did. I feel so awful for our daughter after watching the videos of us together as a family, how happy, safe and secure she felt knowing that her mommy and daddy loved each other and her. I feel angry that he did this, but I also always feel like I'm trying to understand him and maybe that he feels trapped in the situation he's gotten himself into. I wonder if he really loves her and if he ever thinks about me. I feel like this isn't him, or maybe he was someone else the whole 15 years we've been together. I feel like his mother has never liked me because when we were together he distanced himself from her and told me and her that he didn't do the drinking, cussing scene anymore and he felt like he didn't belong even though she's been married 5 times and didn't really raise him. Now she has him in her grips and is going to to and say everything to make him feel like he's made the right decision. I don't want him to be happy with this other woman. I wonder what kind of person she could really be to come in between a marriage, even if he told her he wasn't happy, which I don't know that he did. I want him to miss our family, our normal, come home to one another every day marriage. I feel lonely, like no one understands me. Everyone that was here for me 3 months ago is kind of over it now and thinks I should be moving on and shouldn't still be so distraught. This man was everything to me. I was afraid to stay alone before we married and he was the first person I'd ever lived with besides my parents. I feel like I should have initiated more sex, more trips as a family, but in the same breath, I think about how he never helped around the house and when asked he huffed. My mind is so jumbled with thoughts of him. I go to bed rather peaceful, but wake up every night thinking about him, and us and how many things I could have done differently.