[Magnetism]

Someone wealthy is associated with financial stability. It's taboo to talk about, but nature and evolution don't care about being politically correct. Sure, wealth alone doesn't make a happy marriage. but, I don't shun women for seeing wealth as a perk. I had a male "friend" ***** about how women should get rich on their own and not care about a man's financial status. He ironically struggled with being broke, had no career goals, and had poor self esteem.

[tjm0824]

I think people generally just marry for happiness. Whether it's love, power, money, looks.....whatever it is that makes the person happy. And as long as their is no deceit, I see nothing wrong with it.

[effy2014]

I think people generally just marry for happiness. Whether it's love, power, money, looks.....whatever it is that makes the person happy. And as long as their is no deceit, I see nothing wrong with it.

If "happiness" was truly found, the criteria do not matter. However, experience has taught me that people who marry exclusively for money or looks do not find happiness. In fact, people generally compromise on many of their happiness factors for money and power. They are the people who write to WH about young lovers, the lack of intimacy in their marriage and not being able to communicate with their spouse.

Most, if not all, see the red flags before marriage but do not heed the warnings.

[DreamP346]

If "happiness" was truly found, the criteria do not matter. However, experience has taught me that people who marry exclusively for money or looks do not find happiness. In fact, people generally compromise on many of their happiness factors for money and power. They are the people who write to WH about young lovers, the lack of intimacy in their marriage and not being able to communicate with their spouse.

Most, if not all, see the red flags before marriage but do not heed the warnings.

I disagree. I have seen every few posts (actually I can only recall one) where somebody married for money and came here with issues. Most problems I read about here are to the lines of "I love him/her so much, its just this one issue..." If anything, I often see how love blinds people into getting into or staying in a relationship that clearly isn't for them.

[effy2014]

I disagree. I have seen every few posts (actually I can only recall one) where somebody married for money and came here with issues. Most problems I read about here are to the lines of "I love him/her so much, its just this one issue..." If anything, I often see how love blinds people into getting into or staying in a relationship that clearly isn't for them.

Of all the things that we agree upon, this is the one notable exception. Are you advocating marriage based upon money, looks and power and for us to eschew love as a factor? When most "settle" for a mate, they don't settle based on love. They settle for any number of reasons . . . usually because they do not believe that they will find love. I cannot remember specific examples here, but I can in many marriages that I know of in my circle of friends and family. My SO settled for money and stability and couldn't live in a loveless marriage after 17 years.

[jns]

I think love blinds some people from seeing the real situation. I also think that narcissism does the the same thing for some people.

[effy2014]

I think love blinds some people from seeing the real situation. I also think that narcissism does the the same thing for some people.

I do not think love blinds anymore than any other factor. People tend to value some criteria over others and think the less valuable ones are unimportant. The real culprit is that most do not know what really makes them happy until later in life.

[DreamP346]

Of all the things that we agree upon, this is the one notable exception. Are you advocating marriage based upon money, looks and power and for us to eschew love as a factor? When most "settle" for a mate, they don't settle based on love. They settle for any number of reasons . . . usually because they do not believe that they will find love. I cannot remember specific examples here, but I can in many marriages that I know of in my circle of friends and family. My SO settled for money and stability and couldn't live in a loveless marriage after 17 years.

My comment was to disagree with your statement that "In fact, people generally compromise on many of their happiness factors for money and power. They are the people who write to WH about young lovers, the lack of intimacy in their marriage and not being able to communicate with their spouse." That is not what I have observed here at WH at all. It wasn't a general statement.

However, while we are discussing, I do think that that marriage for love alone is in the same league, if not worst, that marriage for money and looks. At least when marrying for money, you know exactly what you are getting into. However, when marrying for love, there is this notion that love will conquer all. Good relationships are not built on love alone. It may be built upon many factors. Love, money, looks, they all contribute in many ways. Communication, compromise, compassion, and intimacy I think are way more important to building a successful marriage.

The idea of marriage for love as the norm is a more recent trend in our history. For centuries people married for financial security, youth, power, etc and made it worked. People also married (and still do) for what they believe to be love when in reality it was probably just lust. You can't tell me all those people were unhappy. Happy and unhappy marriages are found everywhere; in all centuries, cultures and societies. We place such a high value on relationships built upon love, especially western cultures where we chastise relationship built on anything else. I think that is a very dangerous way of thinking. Love does not conquer all, especially not drug addiction, poor communication, selfishness, laziness, poor family dynamics, etc.

Somebody once explained to me why arranged marriages work. It's because the couple falls in love after all other factors are aligned, somethings that can be after marriage and kids. But the marriage is based on money, status, looks, etc. The love is something that happens afterwards.

[Stillness]

Our language calls the familial bonds, the affection we have for friends, the sight-unseen compassion we feel for someone suffering on the other side of the world, and erotic emotions and attachment "love." These are all different things, though. They can be related and overlap, but they're different.

Erotic love is a great thing to have in a marriage. If your marriage is based on that alone it will fail. If you start with that and hope that everything else will fall into place, your prospects are dim. The love that makes marriage work is principled, not emotional. If you select a suitable mate (or one is selected for you) and you have principled love, the erotic will follow.

"True love" and "love at first sight" are cool for Disney cartoons, but in real life that stuff is fleeting.

[Motorguy]

Well if you going to get married it got to be for love period end of story. Now if anyone been married the line that says( for better or for worse that explain it all right here.) Now if you leave your spouse because of a sickness or for money I am not even going with looks. But why would you marry your spouse you have now it you was not attracted to them in some way before you got married duh.Now if you leave your spouse because the next man or women has more money then my friend you have to be very shallow person and really need to watch that Movie with Jack Black in it Shallow Hal you get my point then.What could be the worse is leave a spouse because they are sick or on there death bed. My self I don't even care to know a person like that it's pure evil in my book and it's all about you we called conceited and a spoil brat on top of it.