[SwisherSweet906]

Hello everybody! I hope you're all doing well today! I wanted to share a story about me and my boyfriend, and get some outside views on it. I'll try to make this brief.

So me and boyfriend, I'll call him Anthony, have been together for a little over a year now. We have a good, stable relationship. We're both very upfront and honest, we have great communication. I honestly couldn't ask for a better man in my life. I just absolutely love him! But it took a lot of hard work to get here, we had a very bumpy beginning to our relationship.

At the time that we met, neither one of us were very close to our families, and so we had a lot of friends. We had a few mutual friends, but for the most part, I had my circle of people, and he had his circle. As our friendship grew, he started inviting me to hang out with his friends more. Most of them were females. But I didn't think anything of it, because most of my friends were males. Anyways....

Time went on and eventually we started dating. We still had a lot of get-togethers with our friends, but for the most part we went as a couple. There were exceptions though. There would be times he would go and hang out with his friend Ginger while I was at work. And I still got rides home from my friend Joe. Everything was still the same.

But Anthony started expressing his dislike of my friend Joe. He didn't know him, they had only met on occasion. But he said my hanging out with male friends made him uncomfortable. And he wouldn't let up about it for months. I never made an effort to change this for him though, because I didn't approve of him hanging out with other females. He always assured me nothing was going on, which I knew. Just as nothing was going on between me and Joe, which he knew...

I guess I had a lot of insecurity at first. That was my biggest reason at the time for my disapproval. I had a long history of being cheated on in past relationships, so I became very wary. But as time went on, and our relationship progressed, the insecurity went away, but it still irked me when he would hang out with female friends.

Anyways, we're at a point now where we only hang out with friends of the opposite sex if both of us can be present. This has been working out very well for us. It was important to us both as our relationship got more serious that we were able to have the same friends. And this helped weed out some of the bad ones. But we both feel a lot better about the situation now. It's not a trust issue. We both have 100% confidence in each other. We just don't see it as being appropriate for us to be close to another member of the opposite sex (with the exception of family, of course). I can only imagine how weird it would have been for me growing up had my parents had opposite sex friends.

How do you all feel about this? Do you think it's inapropriate? Or do you think it's old-fashioned to be so strict? I'd like to hear all opinions

[Stillness]

We don't regularly spend time alone with people of the opposite sex socially. The catch is that my wife works in a overwhelmingly male field. And the vast majority of my clients are women. Typically, when something notable happens, we let each other know. Like if one of my clients has me over wearing a see-through top and no bra. Or if my wife goes out to lunch with a man that she feels is paying her too much attention.

It probably is old-fashioned, but there's no doubt in my mind that my wife is faithful. I don't deal with jealousy. She has a little, but it's not because I've given her cause. It makes things secure. That's very important for a good relationship.

If either one of us felt uncomfortable, we'd say so and the other one would adjust. It's never happened, but I think it's fair and good.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think that you both have your head screwed on the right way. I don't mind if my fiancé chats away to his female friends but in general terms, they are at his Restaurant and so, other people are around.

I think if you are building a relationship then you have the right to be friends with who ever you want, no one owns anyone but respect is a must and you both have morals equally so your position is continue with the friendships but in each others company.

I think it's great.

[Pollon]

Even with all the best intentions, spending alone time with opposite sex friends is inherently dangerous to your primary relationship. Unpredictable emotions and things that happen "in the moment" can lead to behaviors we wouldn't do with other people around--particularly if there is intoxication involved.

And if it is inherently dangerous to your relationship, it is disrespectful to your relationship and your partner to do it.

So it's not necessarily jealousy that upsets us or our partner when we are alone with a friend of the opposite sex, it's the carelessness with which we are treating our partner and our relationship.

You and your boyfriend seem to have figured that out and set some good boundaries.

[DreamP346]

I am very liberal minded and am completely open to the idea of me and my husband having friends of the opposite gender. Actually, a few days ago, my husband took a single female client out to dinner. I have no problem with it. But the reality is, just naturally, over time, we have gotten to the point where we don't hang out with friends of the opposite sex alone. They also have spouses so it makes sense we all hang out together. It's not a requirement, it's just how things work out. I hang out by myself with a gay man friend who is single and a gay female friend who is married. But they were friends before we got together. Since we got together, I just haven't found the opportunity to make single male heterosexual friends. They are either married, so we become couple friends and hang out as couples or they are gay. It's one of those things you don't plan for but just falls into place.

[Magnetism]

If it's apparent that a male and a female friend are like brother and sister, I don't see the problem. I met with a good male friend for over 15 years alone just to catch up. His girlfriend didn't mind, as I'm friends with her too and she knows we have a brother/sister type of friendship. I hang out with him and his girlfriend together sometimes.

If you know that one friend has feelings/attraction for the other...then I would be a bit unsettled.

[Motorguy]

I am very liberal minded and am completely open to the idea of me and my husband having friends of the opposite gender. Actually, a few days ago, my husband took a single female client out to dinner. I have no problem with it. But the reality is, just naturally, over time, we have gotten to the point where we don't hang out with friends of the opposite sex alone. They also have spouses so it makes sense we all hang out together. It's not a requirement, it's just how things work out. I hang out by myself with a gay man friend who is single and a gay female friend who is married. But they were friends before we got together. Since we got together, I just haven't found the opportunity to make single male heterosexual friends. They are either married, so we become couple friends and hang out as couples or they are gay. It's one of those things you don't plan for but just falls into place.

Well Dream you have trust with your husband, as I have trust with my wife Donna. She go's to dinner with clients and co workers who are guys with other female there as well. I never had to worry she going to have sex behind my back with them or ever. I know Donna has trust with me as well. If you don't have trust in a marriage you are doom completely.

[Elena_EvilEye]

You do have to trust each other. My close friends are entirely women and my hubby's close friends are men but we don't stop each other from being able to have friends from the opposite sex because we trust each other to be faithful. We do have mutual friends of the opposite sex and my husband is friendly with female work colleagues and even though he is a chick magnet and a sexy hunk I trust him to honor our relationship which he does. Plus he trusts me my previous job was male dominated and my co-worker friends were mostly males and the golf club I play at is also male dominated and I have male friends there that I talk to but I also do get hit on a lot there but they fail.

Trust is important and you need to be clear on how you feel about it with your SO and set out boundaries if you need them which are really common sense things.