[Ashlee T.]

Hey kitty, Things went surprisingly well on Christmas. Mom and I had a great Christmas Eve and Christmas morning together. We weren't sure whether he would want to come or not but he did. Mom went and got him and brought him back to her house. His main intent, of course, was to get his gifts. He seemed thankful for them, at least. He depends on holiday gifts of money, food and goods to survive. I was afraid he'd get there and rant and make us miserable, but he actually did not. I know that was an effort for him, so I messaged him later that evening and told him I enjoyed seeing him.

He tells my mom that he will not be living in that town after Jan 1. But, he doesn't have a vehicle, has no job or money, and I'm not sure where he's going or if he will actually go anywhere. If he has conned someone into accepting him into their home, it will be short lived and he will end up homeless.

On the addiction before illness or illness before addiction, I think many addicts are people with mental illness or some sort of emotional trauma and they use drugs to self medicate, rendering them addicts. Then, the drugs actually change the chemicals in the brain, kill parts of the brain and then make the mental illness even worse. It's a vicious cycle that it sounds like you very deeply understand....unfortunately.

[Ashlee T.]

Hey kitty, Things went surprisingly well on Christmas. Mom and I had a great Christmas Eve and Christmas morning together. We weren't sure whether he would want to come or not but he did. Mom went and got him and brought him back to her house. His main intent, of course, was to get his gifts. He seemed thankful for them, at least. He depends on holiday gifts of money, food and goods to survive. I was afraid he'd get there and rant and make us miserable, but he actually did not. I know that was an effort for him, so I messaged him later that evening and told him I enjoyed seeing him.

He tells my mom that he will not be living in that town after Jan 1. But, he doesn't have a vehicle, has no job or money, and I'm not sure where he's going or if he will actually go anywhere. If he has conned someone into accepting him into their home, it will be short lived and he will end up homeless.

On the addiction before illness or illness before addiction, I think many addicts are people with mental illness or some sort of emotional trauma and they use drugs to self medicate, rendering them addicts. Then, the drugs actually change the chemicals in the brain, kill parts of the brain and then make the mental illness even worse. It's a vicious cycle that it sounds like you very deeply understand....unfortunately.

[Ashlee T.]

Having computer issues that resulted in a duplicate post....then when I tried to delete the duplicate it deleted the whole topic, so I undeleted, but now some of them still say deleted. Lol. I'm not sure if you all will see this or not.

[amy40]

how are things going, BD with your brother?

[amy40]

how are things going, BD with your brother?

[Popcorn&Candy]

I have had more thoughts on mental illness: I have had mental health problems in the past [depression] and it is never easy. I don't volunteer this information, as I do think people freak out. Being the sufferer is very isolating and can be upsetting. Your brother just needs a shoulder to lean on: and does not need to be told what to do. It is very easy to boss someone around when they're feeling weak, but others have to rake that impulse in. Just let your brother know he is not alone. It is incredibly difficult, though, for yourself and your brother. But you sound like a great person and he is lucky to have you.

[jenifercox]

I am sorry to hear about him. I think he should not be told of the illness. He can be treated in another way. All he needs is love, care and affection. I hope he get well soon. Please don't get worry. Take care.

[atskitty2]

jenifercox, I'm curious to hear why you think he should not be told of the illness? How is that effective?

[Ashlee T.]

Update:

He has been evicted from his residence and has to be out as of Friday. My mom has been paying his utilities because she so desperately doesn't want him to move back to her home. But, he has not been paying his rent so the landlord sold the place. He will not work. My mom has offered to pay his rent if he can find something cheap, but he has 4 big dogs he refuses to move without. So, he has no place to go.

She's devastated. She likes her home life for the first time in many, many years and now feels she has no choice but to let him back in. He, and his 4 big dogs in addition to the 3 she already has that were also dogs he brought there. He likes like a recluse. He has no pride in the upkeep of anything, he never has. When he lived with her before, she developed a bleeding ulcer that literally almost killed her. She developed high blood pressure that she still takes meds for. She was a walking broken heart every day of her life as he verbally abused her daily, destroyed things in her home, disrespected any wishes she had for her home. It absolutely sickens me to imagine her being back there again. But she's mom....she's willing to sacrifice herself to keep him from being homeless.

My brother has been given a shoulder to lean on time after time after time. At age 37, he has been supported financially for at least 36 of those. We have supported his "pipe dreams". None of us want anything more than to see him be okay. But, he worsens with each passing year no matter how many shoulders he is given.

I know there is nothing I can do. But man........it guts me to know my mom at age 69 is going to have to go back to living a miserable life because she feels she has no other choice.

[amy40]

sorry BD

what if your mom refuses to take the dogs in which would force him to find a place to live that allows dogs?

or she could let him be homeless and he'd most likely have to bring dogs to a shelter
would he make changes if he were allowed to be homeless for a while?