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Mental Illness

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  • I have had more thoughts on mental illness: I have had mental health problems in the past [depression] and it is never easy. I don't volunteer this information, as I do think people freak out. Being the sufferer is very isolating and can be upsetting. Your brother just needs a shoulder to lean on: and does not need to be told what to do. It is very easy to boss someone around when they're feeling weak, but others have to rake that impulse in. Just let your brother know he is not alone. It is incredibly difficult, though, for yourself and your brother. But you sound like a great person and he is lucky to have you.


    • I am sorry to hear about him. I think he should not be told of the illness. He can be treated in another way. All he needs is love, care and affection. I hope he get well soon. Please don't get worry. Take care.


      • jenifercox, I'm curious to hear why you think he should not be told of the illness? How is that effective?


        • Update:

          He has been evicted from his residence and has to be out as of Friday. My mom has been paying his utilities because she so desperately doesn't want him to move back to her home. But, he has not been paying his rent so the landlord sold the place. He will not work. My mom has offered to pay his rent if he can find something cheap, but he has 4 big dogs he refuses to move without. So, he has no place to go.

          She's devastated. She likes her home life for the first time in many, many years and now feels she has no choice but to let him back in. He, and his 4 big dogs in addition to the 3 she already has that were also dogs he brought there. He likes like a recluse. He has no pride in the upkeep of anything, he never has. When he lived with her before, she developed a bleeding ulcer that literally almost killed her. She developed high blood pressure that she still takes meds for. She was a walking broken heart every day of her life as he verbally abused her daily, destroyed things in her home, disrespected any wishes she had for her home. It absolutely sickens me to imagine her being back there again. But she's mom....she's willing to sacrifice herself to keep him from being homeless.

          My brother has been given a shoulder to lean on time after time after time. At age 37, he has been supported financially for at least 36 of those. We have supported his "pipe dreams". None of us want anything more than to see him be okay. But, he worsens with each passing year no matter how many shoulders he is given.

          I know there is nothing I can do. But man........it guts me to know my mom at age 69 is going to have to go back to living a miserable life because she feels she has no other choice.
          "Be what you're looking for."


          • sorry BD

            what if your mom refuses to take the dogs in which would force him to find a place to live that allows dogs?

            or she could let him be homeless and he'd most likely have to bring dogs to a shelter
            would he make changes if he were allowed to be homeless for a while?


            • amy40 Honestly, I'm not sure. My gut feeling says he'd just adapt to being homeless. He just adapts to whatever it is. In the home he's living in, he didn't have hot water for a long time and he didn't even care (even in the winter). At that time, he said he'd rather be homeless with his dogs than give up on his "dreams". His dreams at that time were for this atheist org he's a part of online to become big and profitable (ironically, it is a non profit..........). And conveniently, he needed to be home on the internet ALL day every day to make that organization successful. He kept saying, "just wait...big things are coming." but it was just one of many of those types of things he's used as excuse over many years.

              It's strange how much he loves his dogs yet treats his family like garbage, especially the person who has so loyally stood by him throughout all his abuse, all his issues, etc. It's like as long as he has those dogs, he doesn't care what else he has.

              They live in a very small town. There is no homeless shelter. My mom, all her family and all my dads family live in that area. My family has always been well known and well thought of and like a typical small town, everybody knows everybody. I think it's so embarrassing for my mom to think about him being a homeless person wandering the streets there and everyone seeing him. That's secondary to her motherly instinct of protecting him, but still a factor.

              "Be what you're looking for."


              • she won't let him go homeless then
                she needs to say no on the dogs.....that's extra stress, mess, expense she doesn't need

                is there any chance to find another low cost place that accepts dogs?
                usually places that allow dogs aren't that nice but it seems that wouldn't bother your brother

                that would be better for her to pay the rent than the stress of him going back to her home


                • So far, we haven't found anything. Ideally, it would be a little junky house somewhere on some land. But we can't find anything. I have found a few for sale in the $40-60k range and have made the suggestion that my mom consider that option. We know he's going to junk up and not take care of wherever he is living and so if she pays rent for him he's still likely to get evicted once the landlord sees his living conditions. If she mortgages a cheap place, at least he won't be evicted and end up on her doorstep again. I'm not sure if that's a good option, but it seems like the only option.

                  He has said he'd rather be homeless than give up his dogs.

                  I agree. Anything would better than him living with her. As of tomorrow though, he will be. Breaks my heart.
                  "Be what you're looking for."


                  • Oh no BD...
                    I think with some parents, "no" is just not a viable option. My mom is the same and would do the same. Also with that flavor of protecting our image...or what she perceived to be our good name.

                    Makes me sick for you to have to watch this. I've resolved that, my parents will never change. Mom will always support my brother, even into his grave if that's what it comes to.

                    Keep us posted


                    • Have you looked into having him commited to a psych hospital? In my state, it takes 2 adults to ask a judge to commit a person. Usually it's a 72 hour stay for an evaluation.
                      You are worthy!


                      • Any update BD?


                        • Obviously, a very stressful situation. I think your mum seems to be handling it well. I realize how stressful having your brother live with her, though: he sounds very difficult. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I hope he gets a new place soon and the help he needs.

                          Do keep us updated.


                          • It is always difficult to watch someone who is struggling this way, especially because you can’t “make” them do what you know would be the right thing for them. They have to do it (and want it) for themselves. But it puts their family and other loved ones in an impossible position — especially parents who want to do whatever they can to help, even to their own detriment.

                            I really hope that things have gotten better with time.



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