[miffed23]

I'm almost a man

The above quote concerns me a little

cheating is never good regardless of the gender, but that doesn't mean that there werent reasons for it. now before I get bashed, I said "reasons", not "good reasons". I'm not sure there is a good reason but maybe some that are more understandable than others.

I know some guys who have cheated and most I 100% disagree with. There are a very slim few that I also dont agree with, but can kinda understand. Still not right though....

Yep, exactly... Possibly, the women on here that use the 'he is scum blah blah' line and support a woman that has cheated are just worried about upsetting others? Whereas me, i am brutal.

Either way, i am with you - cheating isn't morally correct (and i use that word flippantly) whether you are male or female.

[Guest]

The above quote concerns me a little

all meant in fun ! if ya can't take shots at yourself...

[Fire(m)]

Different opinion:

1) It is odd for a woman to mess around on a great husband who's a perfect provider/father/etc.

2) Most of the time women who do mess around on their husbands do so not so much because of the sex, but because there is something else missing in the relationship.

3) This is a stark contrast to the majority of men who mess around on their wives. The majority of men who mess around on their wives have decent women as wives, perhaps good mothers, etc. Men are much more indiscriminate adulterers than women are, hence the heightened acceptance of women doing it versus men.

4) The perception is, that if a woman is messing around on her husband (see #1 and 2 above) there HAS to be a reason for it. And the majority of the time, there IS.

5) The average man who has an affair does so because he sees a woman who is WILLING to give him some sex and he is ALL ABOUT TAKING IT. It's as simple as that. It may have nothing to do with his current relationship, whether or not there is something "missing" etc. He just has the opportunity and seizes it.

This is my theory of why women are more forgiving of their own kind messing around on their husbands, versus being forgiving of men messing around on their wives.

Cheers.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Fire, as to your point that a woman will not stray when she's in a 'good' relationship, I disagree. Perhaps it is true to say that a woman will be less likely to cheat if all of her security is garunteed by this man, that she wouldn't just lose a husband, she would lose her home, her food, etc. Women do no just cheat if they are wronged, they cheat because the attention makes them feel more womanly/fertile, they cheat for revenge; for example, he forgot to pick me up that time, so I'll show him! and then gets off with someone at a party... No fury like a woman scorned? Couple to that the fact that womens emotions are all of the place and we see a lot of cheating...

I really do not agree that if women cheat there is a valid reason for it, any more than that is true for men. Men cheat for the same reasons as women, usually because something is missing. Love, respect (an important one), sex... Men, in my opinion, cheat when they are made to feel like they are not men. Animalistically rumping that girl from work is to reaffirm the masculinity that has been dulled by that relationship.

It is also my personal opinion that women have a lot less trouble covering it up once it's done, guys will often admit it and apologise, the woman will be screaming and crying at him even though she did the same the month before. Whilst it's true to say that I know more men than women, I know more men who have been head over heels in love and cheated on (and obviously lied to) than I know women.

Both genders are as bad as each other, the fact is, women are on womens side, and men are on mens side. As a default starting position.

[Fire(m)]

Fire, as to your point that a woman will not stray when she's in a 'good' relationship, I disagree. Perhaps it is true to say that a woman will be less likely to cheat if all of her security is garunteed by this man, that she wouldn't just lose a husband, she would lose her home, her food, etc. Women do no just cheat if they are wronged, they cheat because the attention makes them feel more womanly/fertile, they cheat for revenge; for example, he forgot to pick me up that time, so I'll show him! and then gets off with someone at a party... No fury like a woman scorned? Couple to that the fact that womens emotions are all of the place and we see a lot of cheating...

Anon, we have something good to debate here. First you said that you disagree with me, and then you point out how much you agree. When you say that women cheat because the attention...etc. You're agreeing with me that there has to be a "reason". There's something missing that she's not getting from her marriage. Otherwise she won't risk the possible negative outcome of losing her husband, home, security etc. I would venture to say that if a woman is in a good (doesn't have to be perfect) stable relationship and her husband forgets to pick her up at a given time that she's going to mess around on him because of that. Women are a lot more complex and intelligent than that (at least in my experience).

I really do not agree that if women cheat there is a valid reason for it, any more than that is true for men. Men cheat for the same reasons as women, usually because something is missing. Love, respect (an important one), sex... Men, in my opinion, cheat when they are made to feel like they are not men. Animalistically rumping that girl from work is to reaffirm the masculinity that has been dulled by that relationship.

Anon, I didn't say there had to be a "valid" reason for it. I just said there had to be a reason for it. But again, you appear to agree with me by default where you say "Men cheat for the same reasons as women...usually because something is missing"...etc.

It is also my personal opinion that women have a lot less trouble covering it up once it's done, guys will often admit it and apologise, the woman will be screaming and crying at him even though she did the same the month before. Whilst it's true to say that I know more men than women, I know more men who have been head over heels in love and cheated on (and obviously lied to) than I know women.

Coverup is a different matter altogether. I don't agree that men will admit to anything more readily than women do. I don't know where I heard this, but I remember hearing someone say this to me when I was a boy. It goes like this: "Never, ever admit to infidelity. If there is a naked woman in your bed and you are having sex with her at the very moment you get caught, never admit to a doggone thing. Get the girl out, and act like nothing has ever even happened.". Now I realize that is a statement of overkill to an EPOCH proportion, but I still don't agree that anyone who is unfaithful (be it male or female) is more likely to admit it to their s/o.

Both genders are as bad as each other, the fact is, women are on womens side, and men are on mens side. As a default starting position.

I have been unfaithful to women in my dating relationships (never in marriage), and I had girls be unfaithful to me. More girls were unfaithful to me in dating relationships by far than I was unfaithful to. I do want to make a differentiation here though. The issues I'm addressing are dealing with how men and women are in a long-term committed (marriage or marriage-like) relationship. NOT just dating. Dating is totally under different rules in my mind (more like NO RULES...hahaha).

Cheers.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I never said that women don't cheat for a reason, or men. Indeed, everything that anyone ever does has a reason behind it. However, you seem to be justifying womens infidelity more than mens, which I think is wrong since both genders have reasons to cheat. Women have the reasons I mentioned, men have their genetics and testosterone etc.

In so far as revenge cheating goes, sure, you can always draw up ridiculous examples to disprove a point, like "it's not like a girl is going to go and get pregnant by the local football team since you didn't do the washing up one night". However, it's still a contributing factor - they feel like they are balancing the scales of justice.

As for the cover up angle, I just sincerely believe that women have far more capacity for secrets and lies than men do. Women play the social game, men just fumble their way through it.

And as for women not cheating in stable relationships? With something like 20% of American and 10% of English fathers bringing up other peoples children, it is clear that many women like to be alpha maled while their hubby is at work.

[maz33]

People cheat for so many reasons personal to themselves but when it happens whilst in a 'good', happy, secure etc relationship all I can think is that boredom and weakness are the main 'reasons' behind the infidelity.

Feeling like you're missing out by staying faithful and then acting on that feeling by straying is kind of selfish spoilt brat behaviour "I want it so I'll have it and to with how the other half might feel about" which I personally hold my hands up to

It's not correct behaviour and I doubt whether it can ever be justified, it's just human nature that some act on whilst others dont.

And I agree that in the majority of cases women will try to see the womans side of the coin while men will try to see the man's, no matter which side is cheating.

[Livelaughlove]

The purpose of this thread was not to discuss why men and women cheat. I used that as an example.

I want to know why are women more accustom to agreeing or understanding other women cheating opposed to men cheating.


However since i like the topic i will add in my own experience, and conversations with my female friends.

Different opinion:

1) It is odd for a woman to mess around on a great husband who's a perfect provider/father/etc.

This couldn't be anymore wrong. As said before women follow there emotions and because "Attraction is not a choice" A female will cheat on her husband and then Backwards rationalize why she did it.

Go back to my OP.

2) Most of the time women who do mess around on their husbands do so not so much because of the sex, but because there is something else missi ng in the relationship.

To women Sex is just an end result of seduction a release of all that build up sexual tension. Much more satisfying is the actual build up to seduction. I've personally found that it is very easy to lead a girl into pretty much doing anything if she feels like she is not responsible of the outcome.

Women flirt because it is intoxicating. Ive flirted with girls from the age of16 to 80 yr old women just for the fun of it. I'm 21. Most cases we both know its not going anywhere past the simple back and forth banter but if escalation was continuous then it would eventually lead to sex.

3) This is a stark contrast to the majority of men who mess around on their wives. The majority of men who mess around on their wives have decent women as wives, perhaps good mothers, etc. Men are much more indiscriminate adulterers than women are, hence the heightened acceptance of women doing it versus men.

Your obviously speaking from a lack of experience. This makes no sense to me at all. You are implying that all women are saints.

I've made a life for myself on getting to know new people every day. I find it to be very satisfying. By today i must of approached several THOUSANDS of men and women some by themselves and others in groups.

Ive spoke to women that thrive on insulting others, even though this is very rare it has happened. Of course this does not change my perception of them because Ive seen the beauty in women that some men will never experience because they are to shy and timid to bring it out.

4) The perception is, that if a woman is messing around on her husband (see #1 and 2 above) there HAS to be a reason for it. And the majority of the time, there IS.

The reason is simple its ATTRACTION. This is also another example of women following there emotions and then backwards rationalizing it.

5) The average man who has an affair does so because he sees a woman who is WILLING to give him some sex and he is ALL ABOUT TAKING IT. It's as simple as that. It may have nothing to do with his current relationship, whether or not there is something "missing" etc. He just has the opportunity and seizes it.

This paragraph is having the underlying message of "women being the prize." Which is the reason why so many women are fed up with boring men going up to them and asking them for there numbers, dinner dates etc.

A good example of this is when men and women go to the bar or social gatherings in general. My sisters are very beautiful women. They have told me that they will just sit at the bar and random men will constantly go up to them and ask if they can buy them a drink. Translation: Can i have the pleasure of Buying you a drink as an exchange for your valuable time. Unless the man is extreamly attractive most of the time they take the drink and then say they have to go back to there friends.

On the other hand I (a male) have gone to the bar just sit there and when a lady asks if i could by her a drink i say "You first I'll take a blah blah" Most of the time it throws them off. because there so used to being seen as the prize then when a man with a strong frame talks to them they turn back into that seven yr old school girl with her first crush.

Fire I'm not sure if your a female or male, however I would like to see some example and real life experiances which make you think like this.

Live laugh and love

[Livelaughlove]

Women, in general are more lenient towards the same sex... im guessing its simply due to the fact that we are women.. does that make sense...

There has to be a reason for it.Think harder, but try not to look like this

Thanks for the input

live laugh and love

[Fire(m)]

LiveLaughLove, I'm a male. I have been around this planet for 47 years. I have dated many women, and I have been married for 22 years. The entire time I have been alive, I like yourself have been intrigued by and have "studied" women and relationships in one way or another. The only difference between you and I is you're only 21 years old. I made a lot of statements about women who are in committed, marriage (or marriage-like) relationships which at this point, other than through your parents or your friends parents (who don't let you in on the details of their hearts) you don't know anything about. Not saying that as an insult, you just couldn't know much about this stuff.

The majority of my friends (male and female) have been in these types of relationships for the past 20+ years. I've seen a lot of infidelity amongst spouses both on the behalf of men and women. I have never had an affair as long as I've been married, but I've thought about it more than a time or two and I have been in situations that I could have easily "rationalized" why it would be ok for me to do so, but I still didn't do it. I've seen my wife in situations that SHE could have rationalized doing it as well (nobody's perfect, especially me).

I wouldn't really expect for you to understand where I'm coming from LLL, YOU don't have the experience I have. You see, I've not only been married for 22 years, but I had friends who were newly weds back in the day (and up to today as well) and I've had friends who have been married a lot longer than I have. People have allowed me (as their friend) to know a lot of the personal struggles they've gone through in their lives, and there's no way you could have come across this much info. At best, you've probably only been in sexual relationships for 5-7 years, and having been 21 before, I have a pretty good concept of what you DON'T understand about relationships.

Maybe a good idea would be for you to add a 4th L to your name. Live, Laugh, Love and LEARN. I'm not busting your chops here, and your opinion is valued. It's just that if you think I speak from a lack of understanding or experience, you would be incorrect. Now, I may not be right about everything or anything in particuar, but I do know something of what I'm talking about when it comes to marriage relationships.

Cheers.