[Guest]

I feel porn is wrong! It does NOT portray women and how they really are. It shows positions that are exagerated and tasks that would under normal situation be humiliating. Men are used to having their way for so long and having their cake and eat it too. Women are finally ABLE to voice their concerns and opionions. It's a different world...one FOR WOMEN TOO. Men are selfish to think women LOVE this ! I feel bad for women who still will do anything to keep their men. Some will do anything...except any behavior and deny that it really matters. IT DOES MATTER!
I have a wonderful boyfriend and in the beginning of our relationship I let him know how porn ruined relationships in my past. That I didn't like it. Well...he said anything to capture me. Then I caught him looking at porn and I confronted him. I told him it broke my trust with him. Luckily he agreed and has promised to stop. He actually broke down and cried in my arms. We shall see. I drew a line and said it was something I didn't want in a relationship and broke my sacred space with him. It will take time to rebuild that now. He told me I was right. I said...well...now I want to be bad since you were. Is this what you want? For me to be naughty like you? He said NO! So...no guys don't necessarily want US to be looking at big c and Fing.
I really feel men have been taught at a VERY young age to use porn for masturbation. It's a habit and it is an addiction. It is surely an addiction.
If both people are ok with it...sure it's one thing. But for one person to be quite and just take it for another to be satisfied is WRONG. I feel this needs to be addressed early on in a relationship. What is concidered cheating. If a man or woman cannot respect moral codes of conduct...then they don't deserve the person who is respecting the relationship.
Women...it's NO LONGER ONLY ABOUT THE MAN AND HIS PLEASURE! It's about sacred union and women feeling safe and secure FINALLY with men. Men...stop your hatred and exploitation of women. It's no longer about your pleasure and women are not objects. Porn objectifies a woman. She is no longer a sacred being but an object to discard evil intentions upon.
Times have changed guys! And you are going to have to make decisions. Women are finding out about your dirty little secrets! And guess what...once the truth is revealed IT"S NOT SO GREAT ANYMORE.
I was sexually abused as a young girl...and revealing secrets and lies are important to me. I think it's normal to feel this now. It took me years to speak my truth and say what hurts. Hiding others secrets and dirty laundry almost killed me! I had an eating disorder for many years stuffing all that guilt and shame and hiding others misdeads. Blaming myself somehow. Listen ladies...it's not your fault!
Sorry guy....YOU ARE HURTING WOMEN! Is this what you REALLY want or is it another sick porn facination thinking women LOVE TO BE ABUSED? Women want to be love and nurtured and want a man who wants TRUE INTIMACY! Porn hurts. I've seen too many women complain about it.
Look at the lives of these poor women...exposing themselves sharing sacred acts with others. Porn stars are ONLY in it for the money and the power they have over me. Period. That is NOT LOVE! Love is sharing between two people. It's a sacred act.
Women...my advice...is to let your man know that you are a SACRED VESSEL. A Goddess! Your female organs are a place of worship for a man. Find a man who feels this and teach him and cultivate sacred union.
Its' sad but many men truely hate and are jealous of women. It's too bad the bible has taught men that it's alright to mistreat women. That they are sinners. Sinners? Who starts wars and kills? Who attacks and molestes women? Women are not going around attacking men and raping!
I'm tired of hearing it's a man's nature to be promiscuous! No it's not! It's a learned behavior. And society has taught this mistruth for too long. DO NOT STAND UP FOR outdated belief systems that have no right in our society anymore.
Also...what's up with men are visual? WOMEN ARE VISUAL! Sure women are emotional...but men are too. They have been taught to repress this! I think it's really sad.
Men....sorry to say...but what's good for the goose is good for the gander anymore.
I told my boyfriend that the next time he looks at porn....I will be looking at other men as well....and in fact acting on it. I won't tolerate it. To me it's cheating if it's done secretly. If a man OR woman is doing something behind someones back. It's cheating!

I would love to hear others views. I'm not saying I"m right here. But I bet some people will agree. I'm sure some will disagree. I only know how I feel and how porn and secrets have harmed me!

Love to all!

[Guest]

another thing

Also...often people will say that a woman is insecure if they are not comfortable with porn. That seems odd to me. Why would anyone feel good about it? I feel it's only natural that porn would actually make someone feel insecure and even more so if they are not already. And why would women have good self esteem in the commercial world we live in? Just look at advertisement. It's all beautiful women! Flawless women who seem to lust! Give me a break! It's all about looks. Ladies trust your inner gut. If it feels bad...and hurts...IT IS BAD! In society we are taught to shut off our intuition and feelings. Women are taught to smile and put others first at a very young age. We are so over stimulated in this new age. TV, computers, music, advertisements. We recieve so much stimulus...in one day we are bombarded with more images than someone did in a lifetime 100 years ago. Many people are so unaware of their bodies and emotions. Holding hands used to be exciting! It seems men who are looking at porn and some women start needing more and more to get stimulated. It's sad to me. Sometimes I think men look at porn to find out what a woman really likes or what turns her on. It's wrong! Women like sweet things! Sure we like hot sex just like any other guy...but women really enjoy sweetness. I think so anyway.
You guys who think women love to have sex at the drop of your pants are mistaken. Stop being barbarians! Get to know what a woman likes by getting inside her head and her heart. That starts with trust. Doing stuff behind anyones back will kill any trust.

[WildChild]

Ummm Pixie, ok, feel better now?
There are many types of porn and granted most is targeted to a male audience. There is growing market for material for women. Very few men confuse the world of porn with what they are likely to get from a woman anymore than they watch a movie like Independence Day and think they will go out and save the world from aliens.

I'm sorry you have an abusive background. What happened to you sounds terrible and is intollerable. I hope you are in counseling to help you cope with it. In my own experience dealing with rape recovery I learned that I had to confront it and quit carrying it around with me - so to speak. You can't paint all men with the same brush.

Porn can be instructional, is sometimes hysterically funny because no one acts quite like that, it is often so badly done it's almost a parody on sex. In your list of things women are taught you need to include that we are taught to deny most of our sexuality and sexual interest and that sexualy curiosity is bad. Where is the liberation and freedom in that?

I agree with you that sex can be a sacred act and part of worship, as such it is a sublime experience, quite beyond the level most people ever experience. But it can also just be fun, intense, a way of exploring, a form of play, or an opportunity to dig down and face your darker side. It is what you choose to make it. As a part of a society carrying some very arre ideas and still barely able to acknowledge sex as a natural and needed part of life we have a long way to go. Sometimes in the learning process we go through many stages and they may not all be pretty but they are part of the process of change.

The simple fact is as an adult you don't have to do anything sexually that you don't want to do. As a child no one has the right to violate your body or mind and that should be harshly dealt with. What goes on between consenting adults in private is no one else's business. If you want to control the man in your life's sexuality, thoughts and fantasies and he is willing to give you that control, that is between the two of you. The man in my life is very straight forward that he enjoys porn and masterbation and it's fine by me. There isn't any hiding and I would be uneasy if there was. We hide things that we think are wrong or would upset someone. I wouldn't want him to deny that part of himself and hide it from me. When we accept and love someone we take all that they are, we can't pick and choose parts. If the things about them that we love don't out weigh the things that we aren't so keen on or if there are things we cannot accept then we need to leave them alone.You can't change someone, you can help them if they want change something - like being supportive in their effort to quit smoking. You may be the catalyst for their change but it still has to come from them. You can't order it, well you can but it usually doesn't make for a happy situation.

Have you tried doing some erotic writing? Write some fantasies for him or offer make your own sensual material for him or with him. I bet he'd enjoy that far more than anything he can buy and it might open some doors for you. Life is about learning and getting out of your box can be scary. You are here to grow and develop, you can't move from one level to another without it. Part of healing and moving on is in challenging yourself. You've been hurt and perceive porn to be part of or related to that, have you considered that conquering it may be better accomplished by 'owning' rather than denying it? Porn doesn't make perverts any more than a gun makes a killer or the exsistance of drugs makes addicts. It's misuse, extremes or a mental abberation that creates the problem.

Balance is the key. Using guilt and control on people puts them out of balance. In a normal person, making their natural feelings and needs 'wrong' puts them out of balance. Your abuser probably used threats and guilt to try to control you and made your natural feelings 'wrong'. Now you are making your bf 'wrong'. Where does this end? You are trying to heal, to find your balance, be mindful that your past experiences are driving your reactions. Those of us who have been abused have to stay aware that our sense of 'normal' is skewed. We can and do over react to things that are triggers for our fear, it takes a lot of work to get past that and come to accept that things aren't so black and white, right or wrong as we may think. As you get older you should become more able to be open to wider possiblities. Take a deep breath and slow down a bit.

[Guest]

I don't need a lecture from you Wild Child! I only asked who likes or dislikes porn here. Then gave my opionion. I sure didn't need a long lecture why I've got problems and need therapy! I've been involved in the healing arts for over 20 years! Just because I came on this forum for support and to GIVE support to others does NOT mean I'm sick! You don't know me...I'm an amazing woman with a lot of female friends. While your point is clear and thank you for bringing up my abuse like that's MY PROBLEM. Actually it is not only my problem but the problem of alot of women. I feel good about speaking my truth! I don't need any preaching to. I already have my opinion and it's not going to change. I'm also a liberal and not some sick frigid woman. I enjoy sex....just not into porn. There is nothing wrong with not liking porn! MOST women actually don't like it and find it degrading.
I'm surprised at your clinical view. And a very cold one as well. I don't even feel you are a woman but a man posing as a woman on here!
You don't think I've been open minded about porn? I have...and it's always caused problems. I'm not some loser trash who has not had help. Please.

Maybe it's you who should get some help. More women are outraged by men's abuse and continuing abuse. What planet are you coming from? Where are these loving and caring men? Yes...there are many many caring men...I give them credit. I"m ONLY talking about the ones who take women for granted here...and there are a lot of them.

I speak for women who are too afraid to speak! Thank goodness!

[Little]

Pixiegirl, this is NOT how we communicate on WH. Read the FAQ and site rules, especially about personal attacks. If there is another post like this from you, you will be banned.

[WildChild]

Pixiegirl I'm sorry you found my response objectionable. I think if you re read it you would find that I wasn't trying lecture you but to point out that there are other ways of looking at things.
You asked, "Do you think porn is good or bad?", and make a somewhat lengthy diatribe on the subject. If you were interested only a yes or no, you should have limited your own response accordingly. My response was essentially that it isn't a matter of good or bad, those are highly subjective valuations. I choose not to respond in a highly emotional manner, as a mature woman I rarely find hyper-emotionalism helpful. I gave consideration to what you said and to my response and tried to make a thoughtful reply encouraging you to make a closer examination of your reactions. You brought up having been abused. If you had read what I wrote you would have understood that I too have dealt with abuse. Your response to me highlights what I said the last paragraph of my earlier post on this thread, the need to seek balance, to learn to look past our fear triggers, to see that this may not so be such a black and white, right or wrong issue.

You stated that you would love to hear other's views, apparently that is true only if they agree with you. I will not make any further responses to you on this thread.

[Joy]

pixie girl beside from the fact that you attacked wildchilds response when you wanted ppl's opinions here is mine.

you wrote in your post that the next time you catch your BF using porn you will look at other guys and act on it. That is threatening him like a child. You don't need to be his mother and make his decisions for him.

I am sorry you were hurt in the past by the use of porn. You do need to heal because of this abuse you are behaving like a tyrant wanting to control the situation so it doesn't happen to you again. This tyrant behavior will only drive your BF away. If you love him allow him to make mistakes its part of life.

Instead of being the abused you will become the abuser

You can not change your BF from control eventually he will grow tired of it and want the relationship to end. You need to find a man who shares this same view with you from the beginning. So you can live in harmonny with this man.

I am a healer as well on a path healing from my own forms of abuse. I sincerely wish you all the best on your path of healing.

Now to address the porn issue:

If you wanted to advocate on the exploitation of women in pornography do not link it to a personal problem with your BF watching pornography. Your message then becomes lost. Instead focus on how these women are exploited....

If you yourself were in adult entertainment industry and know the explotation that happens on a very personal lvl then tell that story.


It is true there is some very tastless porn on the market. It is true there is some horrible porn such as child porn on the market. It is also true that there is some tasteful porn on the market.

The key word being market.... what the market is catering to. In all facets of life the "market" is exploiting something.... people, animals, raw materials ect.

Good luck in your cause of educating ppl of the exploitation of WOMEN it is happening all over the world. Keep lending your voice for all the WOMEN who can not speak up for themselves. The young girls of Thailand being sold into brothels, The Young girls having their clitourus removed in Africa. The young Women who go missing in the bordertowns of Mexico.

[classichb]

Short and sweet, I don't think porn in neither good nor bad. (good if you're using it together to enhance your "moments"). I've been told that when guys masterbate to porn, it's pretty much just to get the job done. If they really wanted their sexual experiences to be with someone who looked like a typical porn star, they would be with someone like that. I think a HUGE part of what turn men on in bed is you and your personality. Loving a person because you know them and wanting to be with them becuase you love them is what turns men on.

[rcoreyus]

I'll answer the original question (I"m male):
I think porn can be good or bad, AND I think which it is depends on the person watching.

Some men become addicted to porn - and like any addition it is bad (as a side note, I've never heard of a woman becoming addicted to porn, don't know if it happens).

Some individuals (more men than women, but both), or couples watch porn as an occasional entertainment, or to give them new ideas in bed. If the watchers are having fun, I think the porn is a good thing.

Porn being degrading to women is a really tough call. "porn" covers a very wide range of material. Some movies, literature, operas are degrading to women. There are some people who enjoy degrading D/S situations in real life who I presume are the target audience for that sort of porn.

Some porn is degrading to men. Most is just people having sex - which I don't consider to be degrading. The sex in porn is usually shown as being enjoyable by all of the actors.

I'm sure that occasionally actors are coerced into porn, but the majority are just making a living. Some enjoy it - there are a fair number of exhibitionists who make movies of themselves to post to the internet where voyeurs can watch. (Oh the wonders of technology).

So - in my opinion, porn is bad for some people, good for others. There is some small amount of porn that I think is bad in itself (where the actors are coerced), but most of it I think is neutral.

I think it is perfectly reasonable for someone to be offended by porn. If their partner knows this, they should not watch it, or they should find someone who has more similar views.

[angel7 baby]

wow. are you serious?
honestly i agree with classichb.
porn is neither good or bad.
BUT...
i do enjoy it. no im not a sick
person i just find it very entertaining.
also i want to be a sex therapist.
so i have to look at sex at all angles.
including porn and anything else.