[Guest]

Erm, we are having a differing opinion I'm just not doing it in a sarcastic attempt to downplay others. I am stating mine and if that comes across agressive to you then so be it!

and if you had been following the thread you would have known it had grown into a discussion on porn as a WHOLE, not just what the OP posted!

[Guest]

A question for you though...

Do you find other men attractive?

[Guest]

Conversation's over b/w you & I.

I don't like your tone or your personal attacks.

All the best -

[Guest]

to quote another poster...

please be careful in the manner in which you chose to reply to any posters on this site...

[Guest]

Erm, explaination? I have not went after any poster, my words have been very generalized and the only time I said anything directly to you is when I asked you a question. I can't exactly ask you a question using generalizations...

[Guest]

Holy , you can't be serious ...Can You???

Are you a democrate?

I think this is where I felt the real breakdown occurred. I thought this was for me.

I don't mind discussing this with you and I think I've been very clear that I don't mind our disagreeing.

We just need to respect each other's view, without believing each other's view. That's challenging, but very possible.

So -

Your question...

Sure, I'm attracted to other people. That's biology.

[Guest]

But men absolutely desire the women they look at in pornography

Sure, I'm attracted to other people. That's biology

My point, just because you saw the firefighter in the firehouse attractive(not the fireman in the porn) by your standards it would make you no better than the men you speak of???

What I gather is, it is okay for you to find other men attractive and justify it with "well he is not in a porn" and it's not okay for a man to find a woman attractive and justify it with "well she is in a porn"

How do you know that your(collectively) husband is not insecure about you finding a fireman attractive? I mean if he were insecure then from what you are saying it would "make" him feel just as you describe women feel about porn wouldn't it?


nd then you would expect him to just get over it cause all you did is find him attractive!

[Hopeless Dork]

I dunno I've never felt the need to share when I have found another guy hot. Not that I think my boyfriend would give a rats back end , I just don't have that compulsion. "Wow he's hot ..don't you think so honey?" .. nah, it never even occurs to me. Men on the other hand do that all the time, because they , a lot of them anyway, lack judgement? lol jk of course.

[Guest]

Phew, hubby and I ask each other all the time....lol..seriously I will see a hot woman with big boobs and say hey look hunny she's a hottie an d has bolt ons! and he does the same with me! Although not as much because of the stigma of a man finding another man attractive kind of thing...but still we do it!

[Guest]

Okay - two things.

First, I think there's a big difference in finding someone attractive & searching for ways to act on that attraction. Neither of us can help seeing someone we think is attractive. But we can both help looking for pictures of that attractive person to masturbate with.

We may go through a rocky time & I may want to walk out the door. I might desire that.

But I would choose to disregard how attractive that option seems in order to actively love - that is, choose not to act on those feelings.

I'm not saying a man should never be attracted to anyone else. I'm saying I think it's okay if his wife tells him that she won't accept him acting on that attraction with anyone but her.

Second, I think there's a big difference between the way men & women process sex and intimacy. Most men couldn't care less if their wives look at porn, but they would take it very personally if their wives dreamed of living with someone who made more money than he does. that cuts to the way many men validate themselves. they want their wives to respect them, admire them, adore them. Wives want their husbands to desire them, pursue them.

When they desire or pursue porn, that cuts to the heart of where many women experience true intimacy in a marriage.

So while both men & women are attracted to the opposite sex physically, they process those attractions very differently. Porn typically means something very different to a woman than it does to a man.

Not always, but usually.