[Hopeless Dork]

My dad does that often, maybe thats where I started finding it uncomfortable. He was and still does always point out who he finds pretty etc. My logic is who cares? You think she is pretty. Great. That grass is green and there went a red car, I just mean it matters so little to what is going on with my day what someone else thinks of a random strangers butt hehe. Thats the part I don't get. Unless you were ppl watching and setting out to observe, but other than that. "babe, he had on sunglasses." "yes, he did". "honey did you see stoplight..it has green colors" "yep of course it does".

[Guest]

My dad does that often, maybe thats where I started finding it uncomfortable. He was and still does always point out who he finds pretty etc. My logic is who cares? You think she is pretty. Great. That grass is green and there went a red car, I just mean it matters so little to what is going on with my day what someone else thinks of a random strangers butt hehe. Thats the part I don't get. Unless you were ppl watching and setting out to observe, but other than that. "babe, he had on sunglasses." "yes, he did". "honey did you see stoplight..it has green colors" "yep of course it does".

This actually is what I'm trying to get across here - we can't help those random thoughts & observations.

But we do choose whether or not to act on them.

It's one thing to notice a beautiful car you'd like to have - and another thing to take a picture of it, keep it in the glove compartment of the car you have & drool over it a few times a week.

Substitute a "wife" for "car" in that scenario. Many women find that unacceptable.

[Guest]

porn is pictures...There is nothing to persue! It's a picture...Now of he is looking at dating sites and Im'ing women, yeah he is then persuing...But looking at pictures is not persuing and def does not automatically mean you have a desire to sleep with them! In turn means he is not acting on anything except a stress reliever!

Whether you are man or woman, this is true for both!

[Guest]

This actually is what I'm trying to get across here - we can't help those random thoughts & observations.

But we do choose whether or not to act on them.

It's one thing to notice a beautiful car you'd like to have - and another thing to take a picture of it, keep it in the glove compartment of the car you have & drool over it a few times a week.

Substitute a "wife" for "car" in that scenario. Many women find that unacceptable.

Yes this applies..IF there is obsession and abuse of the porn!

[WildChild]

Goodness, I have 10 notifications on this thread in a 30 min span. Frankly I think we've beaten this to death in other threads before.

Everyone has different limits, personally I'm not into controlling a man. You need to discuss this stuff early on, if he's into porn and you don't like it find someone of like mind, instead of trying to change the poor guy. Anything in excess can be a problem, there was a man years ago who died of drinking carrot juice. Is carrot juice bad for you? No, unless it's all you consume and that's what he did.

If porn is a deal breaker for you then find a man who has no interest in looking at it. I had a man who didn't - he had severe hormone problems from testicular cancer. Personally I prefer a man who enjoys looking at women and thinking about sex.

To each their own. Now my own pleasure - that's worth talking about! Has anyone seen the Welcomed female masterbation dvds? Are they worth investing in? Or shall we disuss whether that's porn? How about those other instructional dvds on how to DO a women so she cums for an hour? Get your guy watching those! Put that facination with looking to good use?

[Guest]

Notifications...Oh my, I thought we were just having a good ole fashioned debate here....

If porn is a deal breaker for you then find a man who has no interest in looking at it.

On a lighter note I could not have said it better!!!

[Guest]

I thought that was what I had been saying this whole time - some women are okay with it; others aren't.

One woman prefers a man who thinks about women & sex, in general - another prefers a man who thinks about her & sex with her, in specific.

Neither is wrong, and one doesn't indicate a lack of security, jealousy, or any other psychosis.

You draw the line where you will - and allow others to draw it differently.

Glad we're all on the same page.

[ChelseaRenee]

Asking about a poster's political leaning is ridiculous, out of line, and immature.


It's clear you both have differing points of view and it's interesting reading about them both. The only thing that bothered me about what anyone said pertaining the the OP was that women who dislike porn are prudes, insecure, or something else bad that I can't remember. No. That just isn't true at all. It a huge sweeping generalization, and those are never good ideas. There are a million reasons a woman wouldn't like her SO watching porn, and those are only 3 of them, and the worst 3 (and 3 that make all us girls who DON'T like it look like nutcases!)

The truth is, everyone has different comfort levels. If you're comfortable with porn, ok cool. If you're not, OK COOL! It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or are some sort of mentally damaged or unbalanced. It is a preference. Some people like porn, some don't. Some people like lobster, sine don't. I think the personal attacks have gone REALLY overboard. Why is it so hard for some of you to realize that no two people are alike, and no two people do things (or have the preferences they have) for the same reasons.

[rcoreyus]

I really don't see the debate here. If a woman finds porn unacceptable that is her choice. If a man feels he has a right to watch porn, that is his choice. But those two people cannot have a relationship. She has no right to force him to stop watching porn, but she does have a right to end a relationship with him if he doesn't.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

awcmon

I guess when I saw this thread & read what the original poster wrote, I didn't understand that her fiance only looked at porn one time. The title suggests he was addicted, which means something very different to me.

Original poster...

he admitted to me about 3 years ago that he had a pornography addiction.

i have done everything that i can think of to help. he says it has nothing to do with me and i believe that the problem doesn't exist because of me, but it does have to do with me now.

The OP, was in the relationship, and was informed by her partner that he was in-deed, addicted... I have stated this before, she decided to stay, she decided to help, she got a blocker for his computer, etc, etc, etc, ...She also stated that she did not believe the problem existed because of her, but that it was now effecting her, to the extent she did not want any intimacy from him what so ever.

So, that to me spells a confident woman, whom believed she could make the changes necessary because her other half "asked" for help in short, and stated that he was not happy within himself, doing it... If you read her further 3 posts, this is what he has stated, he was not happy doing it.

So it was "her choice" to help him.

It was "his choice" to tell her and ask for her help...

It was a decision made by both - their choice.

Confident? Because, at that point in time, it did not effect her, she knew that it wasn't her, as to the reason why he was doing it... This is her words.

CW