[Grlnxtdoor]

I think it is very reasonable to expect that in a relationship you are enough for your partner.
In my opinion Pornography makes men see women the wrong way, and have unreasonable expectations in the bedroom
Most men are not interested in watching a girl giving head, they are excited by the control and submission. Men like to to feel in control, and if they watch porn they think that women are their for their sexual satisfaction, like a pleasure bot.

[stressed]

Everybody likes looking at an attractive person of the sex s/he's attracted to; anything else is a lie. Many like porn, men and women, for various reasons. The most common problem with porn that I've noticed and experienced is that it becomes an issue when it starts to affect the relationship, in either a small or larger degree.

When someone lies about porn or hides it then it becomes a problem and goes beyond porn. Lies have no place in a relationship, whether it is about porn or about eating cake from the fridge. Lies are unacceptable. And when someone is lied to regarding an issue that involves sex, in one way or another, then this leads to the SO having doubts. Doubt about self esteem, trust, lust, all kinds of doubts. You can't avoid this when sex and secrets are combined. It's not about watching porn, is what it means to you and how you use it. I enjoy driving, so wouldn't it be odd if I told my SO that "I don't drive" and yet take the car for a spin every night? I don't understand why people rather be secretive than open when they claim they want a serious relationship.

By default, for most people, porn is nothing to be concerned about, you don't even think about it. However, when you start noticing odd behaviours, weird PM's from your SO to women on the internet, weird text messages, odd IE history, bad sex life, him wanting you to go out by yourself without a good reason, and so on, you just don't feel right about it. When your SO's wish for porn and browsing of naked women on places like Myspace is obvious enough to make you wonder about it then we have a problem. When the first thought your man has when you leave the house is porn and you know this, then it's done, you can't take any more porn. If porn is a once in a while occasion and not a goal then it cannot be a problem. But when it becomes an issue and a reason to lie for then it is.

-"Does he want that women more then me?". Yes, as much as someone who just got a Porsche 911 4s is ooking at a dirty old truck saying "That's nice...". Sometimes, we want something different. That doesn't mean we don't want you.

So, let's say I see this incredibly hot guy down the street, totally different to my man, I bet he's going to be a different lover to what I have, why not try him out? And I could really use something 'different' at the moment... Doesn't mean I don't love my man, I just want something... different...

- "So why do I feel so cheap". Because you are you. And there's nothing wrong with him or you.

It's like saying "you have a steak and you have lobster. Both are good but you just want to variate from time to time". Okay. How about what your SO wants?

- "Should I ignore it?". Not always. If it's starting to impact his work, then you need to talk to him. Actually, the more he has to hide, the more it impacts. If he can openly let himself go, then it's probably better. It's sort of like a kid sneaking into a theater when he can afford it. Don't make it exciting!

It doesn't have to go as far as it having an impact on his work. If it has an impact on her it's bad enough. Having to live someone with habits you can't stand is pretty awful. That paragraph made me think that we have to treat men like children, yet again.

And his isn't as bad as you think. I bet if you say "I hate porn, but I love you so I'm just going to ignore it.". I bet you'll have the most passionate sex ever. Not because you allowed him. Because you chose to love a man for who he is.

How about not getting passionate sex? Do different rules apply when it comes to approaching porn in that case?

Just to make it clear, this is not a direct assault towards the poster, I just thought it would be interesting to reply to these lines for the sake of argument. There are no personal comments or anything like that. It's directed more to 'all men' than the actual poster, because I've read these lines before from various men.

Peace

[stressed]

I think it is very reasonable to expect that in a relationship you are enough for your partner.
In my opinion Pornography makes men see women the wrong way, and have unreasonable expectations in the bedroom
Most men are not interested in watching a girl giving head, they are excited by the control and submission. Men like to to feel in control, and if they watch porn they think that women are their for their sexual satisfaction, like a pleasure bot.

100% agree with your post. Funny thing is that they rather watch a certain act than do it with their partner. They even rather watch someone giving head than watch their own partner giving head to themselves. They fantasize about how they would like things to be, especially now that women are more independent. And when they wake up and see how it is in their own bedroom they just don't find it as exciting. Yet, that does not apply to all men. It's just that most don't want a balance and prefer the easy way of "it's what men do" that has been set by our male led society.

[WildChild]

Yep..

[rcoreyus]

As I've said before, I think porn is like alcohol, some people can use and enjoy it with no problems. Others become alcoholics / pornoholics. Just as the person who drinks rather then spend time with friends / family / job has a problem, the person who prefers porn to sex with their partner has as problem.

I consider the key point to be: If someone watcher porn with their partner, or when their partner is not available, that is OK. If they watch porn instead of spending time with their partner, that is a problem.

Porn can give unrealistic ideas of what should go on in the bedroom, but it can also provide ideas to couples. Some porn treats women as sex-bots, but porn comes in many varieties. Just because cheap fortified wine exists, doesn't mean you can't enjoy fine champagne (or ouzo, or good Scotch, or fermented yak's milk if you prefer).

[Hopeless Dork]

I think the bottom line is porn affects all people differently, impacts couples differently and makes both men and women feel differently. We all have our own issues, expectations and breaking points.

I am in a constant as most of you regulars know up and down battle with how I feel about porn. But by and large, it upsets me. If he watches it and then doesn't have sex with me I feel like I didn't get sex because porn came first. If he watches it and has sex with me I feel like it took porn to get him excited... not me. Both make me feel insecure and that he is unnappreciative of what he has.

When he watches porn and I am not around it sometimes upsets me because I don't like the idea of him spending our time apart wishing he was having sex with other girls. Again makes me feel like he longs for something else and doesn't appreciate what he has.

All of the above evoke severe negetive reactions and feelings from me toward him. To the point I've considered leaving the most awesome guy on the planet because I can't take the way it makes me feel.

He's modified his behavior to stop hurting my feelings, ie. quit making it obvious when he uses porn... and that has helped in some ways and hindered in others.

I know that its as much my problem to deal with how it makes me feel as it is his. I am an extremely sexual woman, with a healthy appetite for it, multi orgasmic, and cater to his every need. He should not want for anything when it comes to sex because there is nothing he's denied. I spice it up constantly and always experiment with new ways to both excite and please him as well as myself.

So when porn comes into play I take it kind of personal because I know he is sexually satisfied in every possible way other than possibly the PERSON , ie. me, doing the satisfying.

And since the porn he typically browses isn't sexual in nature but just girls posing it only amplifies that fear that its ME as a person that he is bored with, my body, my face.

[Guest]

100% agree with your post. Funny thing is that they rather watch a certain act than do it with their partner. They even rather watch someone giving head than watch their own partner giving head to themselves.

Unfortunately, that's because to some degree, they've probably lost sexual interest in their partner. People cannot help what they find sexually stimulating.

They fantasize about how they would like things to be, especially now that women are more independent. And when they wake up and see how it is in their own bedroom they just don't find it as exciting.

I think you are reading way too much into this. I doubt ANY man is thinking about politics or women's rights when he is masturbating to porn.

Yet, that does not apply to all men. It's just that most don't want a balance and prefer the easy way of "it's what men do" that has been set by our male led society.

It sure doesn't. But people will only quit acting a certain way when those around them cease to accept it.

[Guest]

I think it is very reasonable to expect that in a relationship you are enough for your partner.

Agree.

In my opinion Pornography makes men see women the wrong way, and have unreasonable expectations in the bedroom.

I think vibrators do the same thing. The unreasonable expectations thing. What man do you know that can buzz at 5,000 rpm?

Most men are not interested in watching a girl giving head, they are excited by the control and submission.

Wrong. If someone wants submission, they'd watch bondage flicks.
Watching a women giving head evokes the thoughts of how would it feel if she's doing it to the person watching....they most likely fantasize that they are doing it to them.

So are women only interesting in watching a man eat a woman out for the same reason?

Men like to to feel in control, and if they watch porn they think that women are their for their sexual satisfaction, like a pleasure bot.

Why do women like to watch porn, then?

[Loveshoes]

HD, i have to agree with you. I think, actually, I know that I am in the same boat with you. I could be doing the rowing for the back of your boat. I don't know how, or what to do to get over that feeling. I know why it appeared and could probably even tell you when it appeared, but I haven't been able to move forward with it. Some days are better than others and I'm at peace and then it creeps up and I struggle with it.

If you find a solution let me know...on my end, I haven't been able to find one yet. it would sure be nice though.

[Guest]

HD, i have to agree with you. I think, actually, I know that I am in the same boat with you. I could be doing the rowing for the back of your boat. I don't know how, or what to do to get over that feeling. I know why it appeared and could probably even tell you when it appeared, but I haven't been able to move forward with it. Some days are better than others and I'm at peace and then it creeps up and I struggle with it.

If you find a solution let me know...on my end, I haven't been able to find one yet. it would sure be nice though.

I agree with you both.

It shouldn't be unreasonable to think, that in a truly healthy relationship, that the bodies and minds of the two individuals involved are ALL that needs to be concerned, sexually.

I know this isn't the popular view...exercising discipline and self control rarely are these days...but the people I know who live this way have spectacular relationships.