[bairn]

cheated on

i too am going thru my partner cheating on me. we have 3 kids together and my partner strayed when i was pregnant with my 3rd child. we have been together for 15 years and for the past 10 years i have been thru . as she told me that she has a child to my partner. the child is now coming on 8. this girl has made my life .
now she has got the internet and on a few of the sites my partner and i are on and trying to get my partner to accept her on one of them. he refuses her every time. but she added his sister. now i have her in my face every day.
i finally got my partner to admit that he cheated on me with this girl. after i told him i wanted a paternity test done and that i had the test waiting to be used.
what do i do if the child is his. how is my kids going to react? how do i cope?
sorry for putting all this on here. but i dont know what else to do. as this is tearing me up inside.

[WildChild]

Bairn, This must be very difficult! How long have you known about this? Has it been for 10 years or was something else making the relationship heck (the other word edits out automatically). Any idea why she is being such a pest? What does she hope to gain? Is she looking for support or just doesn't have anything better to do, so to speak? If this is fairly recent I'd wonder why now, after all this time? If you had the test ready, you have been preparing for this?

Has he been faithful since then? What are the good things in your relationship? You have 3 children, is he a good father to them? How would you feel about the relationship if this hadn't happened? Aside from this would you say it is a good relationship?

[bairn]

wild child. i have had an inclination since the start but he denied it. she used to phone my house saying he didnt want me. he loved her. then phoned my mobile when she was pregnant with the child saying my partner was the father. that was over 7 years ago. he stil denied it. then she finally got bebo and found him on there. and been trying to add him for the past few weeks. he keeps denying her. but she always tries again.
he finally admitted on saturday that he did have an affair with her as we were having a rocky patch. it really broke my heart finally finding out about it. now everything is going thru my mind.
i only got the test a couple of weeks ago when she cropped up again.
she only crops up now and again to cause grief to my family then when she finds another mug to take up with she leaves us alone.

yes i think he has been faithful since. we normally have a good relationship. and yes he is a brilliant father to our kids. spoils them rotten.

i would have loved for him not to have had an affair with this slapper. but i cant turn back the clock.

thanks for the reply wildchild. it really means alot to me to get this off my chest. xx

[WildChild]

It's hard when the past just won't stay there. Getting the paternity test is good idea. It doesn't sound like she is too consistant. I mean, think about it, if you had a child wouldn't you have been trying to get child support from the father from the start? Why wait this long? I wouldn't be surprised if there was more than one possible father. In any case it isn't the child's fault.

I can imagine this is really hard. This is a slip up from a long time ago and things have been pretty good. Only you can determine what you can live with but it seems that what you have would be worth holding on to.

You know you have a place to talk here and explore your feelings, there are some really good people here.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Did she say he cheated on her? I didn't see that part but it is her decision and what ever you choose to do don't let anyone make you feel bad about it because you are the one who has to live with your decision. No one can know how you feel until they have walked in your shoes.

"My husband cheated "

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/husband-fiance/13252-my-husband-cheated-me-now-he-has-baby-way.html

It's in the heading... of the Thread.

CW

[bairn]

yeah i think my partner is keen to get a paternity test done now since he seen how much it is hurting me.
she says he is the father. and i would love to turn and say to her she got it wrong, he aint..
i just couldnt sleep last nite with everything going thru my mind.

thanks to you all on here for helping me deal with this and understand things. thanks wildchild and chandlers wish. it means alot to hear what you both have to say. xx

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's hard for sure... I am sure it's hurting him as well seems, he is upset over all and it was along time ago and you are both very close, now, life does that, as we mature.

I hope that it's negative for you both....

If not, then the hardest thing to do is forget her, I won't begin to feel that....

But the child and your husband are you...

And, in you, i think you will find a way...

Take care...

CW

[bairn]

yeah its really hard. i think he regrets it now. but he doesnt seem to understand that getting the test done will put a stop to everything once and for all.
i am trying to forget about her, but she has added his sister on this site and stealing pics from her. because she cant get onto his page but keeps trying to add him.
i hope i find a way to sort things out. as it is cutting me up inside.

thanks for the help chandlers wish. it means alot to hear what other people say about it. xx

[WildChild]

Youy know he just may have to remove himself from that site, at least until she finds something else to do. I could understand her trying to get support for the child - I don't understand this harrassment. The fact that she hasn't been after him for support for all these years may indicate that she's not really sure....

[bairn]

i know wildchild she is some strange cookie like..
she harrasses us because she knows i am still with him and she thinks if she harrasses us i will finish it with him. which aint working so far.
i dont think she knows who the father of her child is. she is supposed to be a bit of a slapper. excuse my language on here.
thanks wildchild for your support. it really means alot to me. xx