[kaylar]

Unfortunately that is not true.
Once violence is introduced only where
it becomes mutually assured destruction
does it end.

I'm not talking about a situation in
which one person is hysterical and
another slaps them to get them functional,
or one is drunk or dreaming...I'm talking
about an argument in which the response
is violence.

[commonsense]

husband hit you

You response was Hilarious.

My ex husband slapped me once. One time and one time only. He slapped me so hard that I thought I heard my teeth brake. He was in the military (infantry man) at the time. When he got home from work I had the telephone in one hand and a butcher knife in the other and a well bruised face (seeing as he hit me that morning) and I said, "Every hit me again and I will call your commander. Hit me and hide the phone I'll sleep with a knife. You ever think you will get away with that again, I will cut of your **** in your sleep. Think I am kidding!? Test it!" He never hit me again. I was kinda like you said you are. I use to yell at him and get in his face cause I guess he acted like he wasn't listening. We fought over money and my feelings and friends and so on. Just anything we could fight about we fought about it. Girl, if you love this man, stop fighting. You like to write, start writting when you get mad. Go for a walk, thats what I do. Play with the kids. Do something instead of yelling. The next time he yells, stand there quietly and say "You know, I really think there is a better way to communicate. If you figure it out, let me know!" Walk away until he finds you. Worked for me. Honey, don't ever let a man hit you. If you hit him like a man, expect to be hit like a man. That's what my brothers always use to say. But then you get woman who say a man should never lay their hand on you. If I hit my husband I expect to be hit back. So, do on to others as you would have done to you. If you yell, expect him to yell. If you leave, expect him to leave. Try being the better person for a change and see if he reacts. It might just work!

[kaylar]

It is not hilarious...it is fact...and it is the only
way that works.

Mutually Assured Destruction...

If a man realises you will kill him...it is not
that important that he kill you. Suddenly
the idea of slapping you silent loses it's
allure.

Once one reaches the stage that she
is driven to violence, arguing with him
no longer is very important...

[Misspeachy]

ChiChi,
If it happens again don't hesitate to call domestic violence services, he doesn't have a right to hurt you like that. Another thing I would suggest is counseling. It sounds to me like you're not so great at communicating your feelings during an argument, otherwise you wouldn't scream to try and get your point accross. If screaming does anything, it hinders the situation and builds unnecessary tension. This can cause the argument to break out into a more physical problem. Just try and be smart, but also maybe make a rule not to leave each other (on the phone or in person) while there are still unsolved problems. My boyfriend of 8 months and I have a rule "no leaving each other mad" and that has saved us from getting into what could have been some pretty awful fights. I hope this helps!!

<3 Misspeachy

[kaylar]

A trick of arguing...

Always talk lower than the other guy.
He has to shut up to hear you.
He will miss most of your salient points.
When he asks what, you can repeat...
maybe edit as you get a second chance.

So you might have actually said;
"%$#%^ your mother &^%^&"
but he hasn't heard you, so shouts,
"What?"
And you can say; "I was simply
mention we have no money to pay
the mortgage." In a quiet dull voice.

No one, not even a lunatic, can continue
to shout at someone who is so calm, or
seems calm.

[ThePolly]

misspeachy, that is the same kind of thing my boyfriend and i promised each other and in the beginning it worked like a charm. problem is, we had such an angry fight in the car once and i tried to remind him of our promise, he blew up and left the car, disappearing for about 2 hours. sometimes its good to leave an argument and walk off some steam.

but i agree that once the violence starts, it's next to impossible to remove it (seeing my parents and one of my close friends go through similar situations). if you feel the need to threaten him with a knife, maybe it's time to reevaluate what is making you want to stay?

[TristaMD]

i'm having a similar issue

i started a thread here:

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/husband-fiance/3719-he-slapped-me.html

if anyone has insight, please read

[sofine85]

Well i have been married for three years but my husband and I have been together for 8...in that time he has never hit me...not once....no matter if i hit him or how angry i make him. i realize that i had a anger problem and decided to work on myself...because when i got angry i tend to las out physically...but anyway... a few days ago my husband slapped me...for NO REASON...just came in my face and slapped me...he slapped me so hard my head began hurting instantaneously!! when he fell asleep...i kicked him and then beat the living out of him. The next day he apologized and said it was not his intention to hit me that hard...he was playing with me. later that day...he wanted to have sex and i was not for it...so he started this verbal tirade...i went in his face and he slapped me again...my thing is...if he hits me hard when we are not angry...what would happen if i made him angry or we got into a fight...i knew back then...he would've never raised his hand to me...but now...after these incidents i am not so sure...so what do i do... do i wait until row day come and let him black my eye or swell my lip or do i run now....because i do not want to be an abused woman, however, i do not want to make a big deal out of nothing and end a marriage with a guy who for the most part has been a wonderful person.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

This is an old thread, 2007... Please view the date on the top left hand side before replying.

CW