[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chill out for a second, realize that a computer screen is not a person, that your SO wouldn't be your SO unless he was attracted to you. Also, remember for a second that while love is an exclusive affair, and sex ought to be (and generally is), sexual attraction is not. Yes, he might be sexually attracted to the girl in the picture, but his love for you is the reason why he isn't out there with her real world counterpart (or the closest local alternative).

True... attraction and love are two different things.

The old comment " Common, every man watches Porn", "No they don't, none of my parnters ever did", "You mean, you never caught them"....comes to mind.

Who knows?

What is a fact is the more a man masterbates, the longer it takes him to cum, because he forgot how to "feel", now that's a good thing right? Or is it? Sure he takes longer, but is he really feeling the sexual tension when inside her? Or frustration of trying to cum but can't? Meanwhile sure, she is getting alot of long standing pleasure but will she also wonder the above?

In-securities. Like it or not, like you say, you do have to stand by her through in-securities, your suggesting that your answer was to find a woman whom likes porn, that way your okay and can do what you desire.

It's natural I think for a woman to feel any form of in-security, from the knowledge her SO is watching porn...

As for him masterbating in front of us? I agree with Stressed, without sharing my life, past or current, there is nothing wrong with a man masterbating in front of me, I find it sexy.

CW

[jfrie1989]

I'm 21 and my husband is 28 we've been married only a year and a half. His porn habit started as soon as we got the internet but to begin with it wasn't just porn. He was looking through pictures of girls on myspace. I got extremely upset about it and he promised it would stop. For the past few months he wasn't doing it or so I though until I finally got him to admit he was watching porn on his browser on the ps3. Of course I was upset because we had been rarely intimate. We sat down and talked about it and I told him it was fine as long as he could find balance and not do it more than we were intimate or in otherwords let it become an addiction. He does it a couple nights a week while I'm at work but we've been having sex more often too. But my concern is the porn he is looking at is "milfs" and most of them are between 30 and 50 years old and putting it in a nice way they are very unattractive and much older than myself. When I asked him about it he said he just searches milfs because the pictures are more "realistic" and they're not covered in make up but aren't there pictures of younger girls that are realistic? Is he secretly wanting someone older? I guess I just don't understand why a guy would have a 21 year old body but rather look at women his mom's age. I'm kind of disgusted by the whole thing but I just feel like if I bring it up I'm just gonna push him away.

[rcoreyus]

He may appreciate the concept of experienced women who are having sex because they want to, not young women / children who seem in some way coerced. (its all fantasy of course and who can say why people have the fantasies that they do)

[stressed]

Maybe he has issues with his mother.

[Hopeless Dork]

I'm 21 and my husband is 28 we've been married only a year and a half. His porn habit started as soon as we got the internet but to begin with it wasn't just porn. He was looking through pictures of girls on myspace. I got extremely upset about it and he promised it would stop. For the past few months he wasn't doing it or so I though until I finally got him to admit he was watching porn on his browser on the ps3. Of course I was upset because we had been rarely intimate. We sat down and talked about it and I told him it was fine as long as he could find balance and not do it more than we were intimate or in otherwords let it become an addiction. He does it a couple nights a week while I'm at work but we've been having sex more often too. But my concern is the porn he is looking at is "milfs" and most of them are between 30 and 50 years old and putting it in a nice way they are very unattractive and much older than myself. When I asked him about it he said he just searches milfs because the pictures are more "realistic" and they're not covered in make up but aren't there pictures of younger girls that are realistic? Is he secretly wanting someone older? I guess I just don't understand why a guy would have a 21 year old body but rather look at women his mom's age. I'm kind of disgusted by the whole thing but I just feel like if I bring it up I'm just gonna push him away.

Are they unnattractive in general or is it that you just think they are unnattractive because they are between 30 and 50? Beauty really doesn't have a time stamp... There are lots of women in their 30's and beyond that work out and have awesome bodies, that take care of themselves and can rival the hotness of any 19 year old ou there. Younger doesn't automatically = hotter... but I agree that it has more to do with what Rcorey is talking about.

A lot of times younger women aren't as sexually experienced, many of the young hot chicks in porn are there simply for the money or the drugs or the attention but when they perform its painfully obvious they are not enjoying the sex. For some men thats a turn on, or some men prefer younger women and could careless if they like the sex they watch them have.

But for some men, especially ones that watch a lot of porn, they become connesours of sorts... they can tell the difference between a woman that is enjoying herself and one that is faking it... very very poorly. So it might have very little to do with the look of the woman and more to do with the performance. Women in their 30's to 50's have come into their own sexually in many cases, multi orgasmic, know what pleases them and while many/most of them are probably still faking a lot on those porns the likelihood of them getting off, knowing how to relax and squirt etc... is higher than that of their younger counterparts.

But I do understand your hurt, him looking at something you aren't...(yet), the good Lord willing you will be 30-50 too...but it never feels good when our guys choose porn of things that we aren't, it makes us feel like we lack what they truly desire. Like a guy with a caucasian gf that watches asian women porn exclusively, or a woman with a flat chest who's husband only watches big breasted women, etc etc... when a guy has a fetish or obsession with an age group, body type, ethnicity etc... soemthing their partner isn't... its taxing on the self-esteem.

Trust that they'd feel it too if you only had crushes and fantasies about men they could never physically be to you. But if he were picking women your age, it probably wouldn't feel any better. I know some girls are super cool with their guy beating off to other women fantasies, but many, a lot, hurt at the thought and feel its due to them not measuring up... but in reality thats never the case its more to do with the guy just being a bit greeedy and feeling entitled.

If you love your man and don't want to leave him over this... you just have to find a way to look at it that doesn't hurt your feelings. Its probably not because he prefers milfs or older women to you... but more so that he is into seeing porn where the woman are more life-like and less blow-up doll. If he wants a hot 21 year old in his bed... he's got you, he doesn't need to watch one in porn,... he can just go upstairs and see you so maybe its just a case of that whole men's penises demand variety bs were hear all the time on the subject.

The big question is does he make you feel sexy and pretty and loved and beautiful? Do you get the sex your body needs or is he spending all his energy on porn? Those are the big issues when it comes to porn, that and respect, is he handling it in a way that respects your feelings? In other words do you have to go digging to see what he's looking at , or are you having to click away the milfs every time you sit down on the computer?

[PandaPaws]

I think it's BS that he's saying "oh they're all between 30 and 50 years old and unattractive." They are obviously attractive to him, or he wouldn't be beating off to them. He's just staying that to try to make it "okay" for him to do and so you won't see it as a big deal. I can't stand porn. Makes me feel like chopped liver. No matter what someone says to try and justify it, I just think it's completely disrespectul to ones partner.

[Tinkerbell777]

i have the same "issue" with my boyfriend. i complain and complain but still no changes... but i guess in a way im accepting it because i rather he watch porn than go out there to strip clubs or somewhere else and watch it live.
at first i thought he wasnt attracted to me but i know he still is. i've learned that porn is a big part of a guy's life. in a way its how they release stress? i do wonder if he is thinking about the porn stars while he is doing it with me, but he hasnt showed any signs that he is...yet.

[WildChild]

Oh Humans!
When you are 30+ or 50+ as I am, you'll be bothered because he is looking a teens or 20 somethings or at other women your age. You could think of this as an, "Oh boy, the older I get the hotter he'll think I am".

The simple fact of the matter is that the problem isn't the age of the women he is looking at but that his attention and energy is going someplace other than to you. If he really made you feel that he adored you, honored the Goddess within you and loved and preferred you over all other women, this wouldn't be an issue.

Some men simply adore women, all women. They see a Goddess in every women and usually these men learn to pleasure women because they love doing so, it's like an act of worship. When they find 'the' woman that they can love or choose to love above all others, they are caring and devoted partners. Not all men or women are cut out for monogamy but can still reverence the act of loving.

Other men lust after seemingly every woman they see or selected types and I think it's often trying to fill a void of some sort. They have an attractive loving woman in their life but lust after teens because in some way their teen years either weren't what they wanted or they think the best is behind them. Or they have an idea that a certain type will provide an intensity that they haven't gotten. There are women who do this too although they may not devote hours staring at porn.

The thing is if people, male and female, put as much positive energy and attention into their relationship with a chosen partner as they do into their fantasy lives, they would really have something! You can't make them, they have to chose it. All you can do it let them know that they have that option.

[Guest]

It is difficult for them to resist an endless world of phantasy based on porn. However they have to be realistic and accept the reality. And this is quite hard for them.

[Yamimi]

Take action. My boyfriend watches porn, but we still occationally have sex. Most of the time though is because I try to iniciate it first. Honestly though, it's not a bad thing for them to watch it. It only becomes bad when it starts becomming a literal everyday habit. Or, that he passes up sex with you to watch porn.