[Guest]

hotdogg - digging up old posts just to try to kindle more arguments. you're a glutton for punnishment.

all you care about in thus discussion is protecting the idea that you and your husband are OK to keep watching porn. you can't entertain the thought that porn could be in any way harmful or wrong - because then you'd have to question your own behavior.

again - concerned only about yourself.

so you incessantly post these worthless & hollow arguments.

enough, hotdogg. porn has no redeeming qualities. there's nothing good about porn.

you're wrong now & will still be when you post whatever childish post will come next.

porn is a bad thing for people, and you're contributing to the problem.

[Guest]

you are the normal one.

I would just like to say that in today's society there is no such thing as normal... It's just a fact.

Also, didn't you used to watch porn or something? You're stopped, right? Because if you haven't you'd sound like a hypocrite and I wouldn't want that.

[hotdogg]

hotdogg - digging up old posts just to try to kindle more arguments. you're a glutton for punnishment.

all you care about in thus discussion is protecting the idea that you and your husband are OK to keep watching porn. you can't entertain the thought that porn could be in any way harmful or wrong - because then you'd have to question your own behavior.

again - concerned only about yourself.

so you incessantly post these worthless & hollow arguments.

enough, hotdogg. porn has no redeeming qualities. there's nothing good about porn.

you're wrong now & will still be when you post whatever childish post will come next.

porn is a bad thing for people, and you're contributing to the problem.

LOL! first of all i do not have to question my own behaviour! i will carry on watching porn so your opinion means nothing to me!

you just hate the fact that people can enjoy porn and not have relationship problems! oh i am so sorry whilhelm, so sorry that i am happy in my own skin! sorry that i am so happy that i am a confident person who enjoys sex.

you can carry on your pointless crusade! porn is here to stay and their is not a thing you can do about it!

oh and i will remind YOU that most the wortless posts have come from YOU, you are totally unrealistic and anyone who follows your advice will find out that they should of ignored you.

now you can have the last word in this thread too! i will let you, LOL!

[Guest]

you're wrong now & will still be when you post whatever childish post will come next.

as i said...

[Guest]

I would just like to say that in today's society there is no such thing as normal... It's just a fact.

Also, didn't you used to watch porn or something? You're stopped, right? Because if you haven't you'd sound like a hypocrite and I wouldn't want that.

i'm not sure that you're really concerned about that, but in the chance that you're sincere - yes. i used to watch porn and i don't anymore.

in the context that i'm using "normal" here, there most certainly is such a thing. my point to this person - and to the other countless women who feel like something's wrong with them because they're hurt that their husbands jack off to porn - is that it is normal to feel that way. it is a normal feeling that has to be conditioned, by society, peers, whatever, to be changed.

in a world of relationships, it is the women who are unsettled by their partner's occupation with porn who are responding normally - that is, responding as they were designed to respond.

i'm not saying normal is good or bad. but in the sense that a sneeze is a normal response to an allergy - yes, there is such thing as normal. even in this society.

[missy82]

it really sounds like he already has. sorry. and does not plan on stopping thats why he is keeping it low key. he don't want you to lie but he lies. a husband should not do anything his wife does not like nor should the wife do the same. its not a war it is a unity of love.

[bbhollywood]

issues

first of all why all of a sudden does he have a problem about you not being a virgin? and with the porn thing i would not sweat it, every guy watches porn, at least he is not at the strip bars.(hopefully). i had to deal with my husband going to the strip bars for a while with a few of his friends. me and my best friend had to deal with our husbands going to the strip bar and coming home smelling like that cottoncandy perfume **** they wear. but after a while you get over it, and i can tell you this your husband will get tired of watching porn, at first it is exciting for them like when they get a new car or a new motor bike. i know it is dis respectful to you, and not only that does not make you feel good about yourself, but you need to act like you do not care i know that is hard but if he knows that it bugs you than he well keep doing it . also i think it is kind of strange that he has girls number in his phone, and he talks to these other girls, and he is getting mad at you for not being a virgin. he is guilty of something, remember that the guilty always accuses. has he done something wrong and know he is blaming you for something ******. you need to tell him to erase the girls number out of his phone and if he has a problem with that than i would be questioning it. i would not be so concern about the porn thing that is just a ****** thing a guy has to do. but i would just be yourself and do not let him get you down and turn everything around on you if he is to blame for something he is doing. when it all comes down to it it's not about your virginity or the porn there is a deeper issue going on with him and you need to get to the bottom of it.

[gyrator53]

I'm sorry to put this bluntly but you are in one hell of a mess. You are married but, as things stand you don't have a marriage and never will have unless you can find a way of resolving your deep differences.


I think you need to analyse how you got into this situation. Some people here are trying to make generalisations about pornography that to my mind have no place in this thread. Your husband's watching pornography is wrong for the simple reason it is deeply, deeply upsetting to you, his wife, the person who should matter more to him than life itself - simple – end of story.


However, if you think I'm going to be entirely on your side I'm sorry to disappoint you. You have to take responsibility for your part in the tragedy you find yourself in. For whatever reason he asked you about a specific relationship with a particular man and you chose to lie about it. Clearly you knew at the time that your answer was important to him or you would not have chosen to lie about it. Sad, indeed it is, that you did not find the strength to confess your deception before you were married. Just as it is reasonable that you can't accept a husband who watches pornography so it is reasonable that he can't accept a wife that has been sexually familiar with a particular person be it friend or foe. That he knew you were not a virgin is not the point – he asked you about this specific man and you lied – not because you loved him but because you desired him. If you had truly loved him you would have been compelled to tell him the truth and accept loosing him if that were the outcome.


Now you have to pick up the pieces and make a marriage of it – or get a divorce. My guess is that you are both quite young and this makes it more difficult as when you are young its easy to allow things that are, in retrospect, trivial and irrelevant come before the really, really important things in life. Marriage is all about mutual understanding, tolerance, respect and forgiveness and you both seem to be more than a little lacking in these qualities. Sadly they often come only with age – but time is not on your side so you need to grow up fast and take the mature initiative.


Get yourself some professional help from a marriage guidance councillor – if he won't go then go alone but be open that you are getting this advice and make your husband realise how important it is to you to resolve your differences before it is too late.

[jackandjill]

i watched porn

i am a mid 20's professional man. i am in a relation since approximately 5 years with a mid 20's professional girl, we live togather, we sleep togather enticed each other but have never had sex yet, we have tried a few times but, all that we have achieved is disappointment, so basically we both are virgins. The only place where i could get inspiration how to break the wall is through porn websites.

previously watching porn was to aquire skills to satisfy my girlfriend, but now i have not achieved the goal but have discovered online porn for self pleasures. apart from just that my girlfriend has started spying on my laptop and she keeps on checking my web browsing history. and she has been fighting with me on the above discussed reason.

of the few times i have browsed for porn i even tried to download a few videos for us to try again, but she thought, that was a self pleasure motive.

from this day onwards i will not see no porn. i love my girlfriend and i dont want her to suffer because of my deeds.

Please ppl dont watch porn

[Joy]

WoW you have a a lot of issues to deal with inside of your marriage no wonder it is draining and you hate it.

You are both young and its hard enough to get to know yourself let alone each other and feel comfortable with yourself and each other.

This is a case of misrepresentation. You think he was perfect till marraige and now he wants the perfect wife in marriage. No MAN or WOMAN is perfect. At best we all we can do is find accecptance for one another. If you want a happy life together you have to accept each others flaws and limitations. Not build some fairy tale of how life should be....... deal with how life is. Not what someone should be cause they are what they are.

Your husband knew you were not a virgin and now that he has married you NOW he is having the problem ... well he knew this going in he either had to take the pros with the cons and get over it or not go thru with it in the first place. That is pretend acceptance.............. you can't change the fact you weren't a virgin and now you are gonna pay for it the rest of your marriage???

He says he hates cheaters 1 because his father was a cheat and he saw first hand the hurt his mother lived with. Says he will never cheat but then threatens you with it. This guy needs to really find himself and what he believes to be true for himself.............. not how he was raised, not how others want him to live but how he wants to live his life. He has to be a man and carve out his own life with his wife and how you guys want to live.

The porn and the punishment issue and getting you back for not being a virgin is BS. An excuse again this guy really needs to get to root of his own problems about life. He needs to really find his center and stop being threnten and afraid of life cause guess what.... its gonna happen ever day and you can't run and hid from life.

You need to find youself as well and become the woman you want to be.... not the woman your mom was not the woman his mom is.... you own woman and decide what is right for you and your life and your marriage.

I won't lie to ya.......... you have a large obstacle in front of you cause the hardest thing to do is change someone's opinions and belief system. Its something that comes with age, maturity and life experience.

The trust issues with other men and women involved in your life as friends well when you get married there are certain things from the single life you have to give up you are moving into a different phase of life but someone can't ask you to give up things if they are not willing to give them up themselves as well.

The spyware checking and your checking is all a big trust issue..... you guys have to start being honest with each other and learn how to fight..... he sounds like he doesnt fight fair and clouds the issues with cover ups and more issues. If you guys wanna get thru this deal with one issue at a time. Learn to listen to each other find an open channel to communicate on. If you guys can't talk at first then write each other letters dealing with the issues not the petty . I say write letters cause you mentioned your fights get big and scary. YOU guys need to find away to communicate that is not threatening to either of you. Away that you both feel heard and since counselling is not an option then this is a good route.

i feel bad for ya cause it sounds like you guys didn't communicate your hopes, goals, desires, fears, and concerns before ya got married. You guys got married to live a life together, to lean on each other in the bad times, and to celebrate the good times.

If neither one of you had good role models of healthy marriages growning up then throw those concepts out the window and start from scratch and build a realistic union that you want with a solid foundation built on love and trust.

If he said he watches porn to grow cold toward you then he sounds like he is living his fathers mistakes and the pattern all over again. Take a good long look at yourself too are you walking in your own shoes or someone else's. You guys are new at this so now is the time to set the pace of your own marriage not what your parents had. You BOTH have a wonderful opprotunity to grown in life together or grow apart the decision is up to both of you.