[Pinkyshot]

I think there wouldn't be any problem with dropping him off kind of see the lay out of things, say hi to his friends say you don't want him driving home drunk and that you be picking him up later and to have fun....

My ex-husband used to go to "poker nights" with his friends I thought is was all guys but turned out they invited girls to, which he ended up cheating on me with..thats why hes the ex now..lol..he is a alcoholic...since it was all his friends no one told me..I found out on my own, because she started sending him texts.

Now I am with my SO and he likes to go to poker nights and he knows what happen with me and my ex, and I go at least for a few minutes say hi to everyone, but they have made it were its just not guys it guys and their gf or wives to so nothing like that happens.. everyone brings food and play poker and have a good time...

I just like to see who's there and I always say I might be back later lol leave them wondering...we are all friends at these poker parties so I don't really worry with my SO. But the woman my EX cheated on with was someone from his work and there was lots of drinking at their poker parties...I really just be very clear they are just going to be staying at this friends house and who is going to be there...Does this group of friends include other woman at all if it does than do not feel bad about going...when people are drinking stuff can happen..I am not saying he do anything but some drunk woman can be stupid ****s and try stuff even if they know that man is with someone.

If he saying for you to go..maybe that's his way of saying hes not sure he could say no with out you there to support him..not saying you have to stay the whole night and who really cares what his friends think..you got to know they are not part of your relationship and a lot of friends come and go..and they have their own relationship problems I am sure so they really have no room to talk on how you guys handle your problems..trust takes a long time to get back and as long as you guys are working on it don't let his friends opinions pressure you in to something your not ready for..small steps is what I say lol...so no hurt feeling in the end...if your having second thoughts about it talk to him about it

[WildChild]

Either you trust him or you don't.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[Hopeless Dork]

Sometimes when a guy is in a relationship his single male friends want him out of it for their own selfish reason: they are LONELY. They try to make the bachelor lifestyle sound so exciting to a guy in a relationship when the reality is they are mostly envious that their friend has found a great girl to love them and care about them.

They'll make it sound like their life is such a party of fun exciting new chicks all the time and no one to worry about when the reality is usually striking out at the bar night after night, coming home to an empty bed and a cold bottle of hand lotion. No one to listen to how awful their day was and no one to jump up and down for them when they have a good one.

Misery loves company. A lot of single guys will try to even get their committed friend in trouble just for their own entertainment etc... But you have to trust that your guy wouldn't be friends with those kind of jerks.

A real friend will be happy for his friend if he found something that is wonderful. And he wont try to intervene on that. But again you have to trust your boyfriends judgement on this.

Until he comes home from a poker game at 3 am reeking of booze and looking to pick a fight with you... its not really fair to assume that is what will happen. He deserves the benefit of the doubt.

You guys are growing together and if he can't be trusted to be around his buddies one night for poker... he's not going to feel like all the work he's put into changing even matters if he's still seen as he was before.

You will eventually make friends in your city and you don't want to have laid the groundwork for him to get mad if you want to go shopping with the girls or go have coffee etc.

Its important that you have activities that you share and its also important that he has room to be his own person seperate from you , and be trusted to conduct himself with respect even when you aren't there to see it.

Me and my boyfriend like to be around each other constantly. We genuinly prefer each others company to others and when we go out with friends we usually end up in a corner laughing at our own inside jokes.

I don't really have any of my own friends but I've made friends with his friends and some of their girlfriends and rather enjoy when we hang out with them. But when he is going to play some sport activity with just the fellas, I prefer to let him go thump his chest and be a guy.

I know that if I wanted to go, I could... and I guess that is what makes me feel secure about it. He hasn't excluded me.

It sounds like your guy is open to you joining him and that should put your mind at ease that he isn't plotting shennanigans.

But you might want to give him this time and settle in for the evening with your favorite take out and a good book or movie rental. To paint your toes and call an old friend back home and just enjoy an evening dedicated to only doing what you like.

If he comes home aggressive and jerky from drinking then you will have to cross that bridge when you come to it and you'll have more of a reason to dissaprove of his man night. But until that happens you assuming thats what will happen is going to make him feel badly.

If you knew yourself that you had changed a bad habit say of overspending on the card and you've done well to curb your shopping for a long time now and you say to him you are going to the store to pick out a discount dress , just the one... and he was like NO... you can't handle it, you will buy too much stuff, I already know it, you're going to blow it... maybe i should go with you to make sure you don't do that... hmm or better yet just don't get a dress.

It would hurt. You should consider letting him have the opportunity to show you he's a different man now.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[caterpillar79]

I'm glad you have it settled within you. Now you have to share it with him and it won't be easy. This little sacrifice is actually for the better, and I would definitely be on your side for that. When I first read your post, my initial reaction was, go ahead, let him try and prove himself, but after this last post of yours, and actually I have been contemplating on this putting myself in your shoes even while I was at work. I realized I would do what you'd do.

Maybe you can arrange an evening/afternoon during the weekend and have a cook-out. Have his single friends with their GFs over and grill. That would be fun. Have some board games available for everybody to play, no money and alcohol involved.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think that you are going into rescue mode again with this, stressed. I know you have peace with your decision and I respect that. But I think you are trying to save him from himself, save him from hurting you so that you don't have to end the relationship over him being a jerk.

I understand your need to try to preserve what you have ... but he's got to take some responability for it too. If he can only make you happy when you are making him make you happy... its going to be a struggle always.

You can live in this constant state of trying to force him to protect you from being hurt... he's got to man up at one point and decide he isn't going to hurt you anymore. That he's going to take responsibility for his actions and behave in a way that you can be proud.

If you just keep him in a safe zone where he can't possibly fail ... he can't succeed either. Do you know what i mean?

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[sourpuss]

Does he have to drink alcohol when he's there? Can he show up with a couple sodas in hand? Can you go with him and stay for 20 minutes, say hello and then go catch a movie and come back to pick him up when it's over?

[Mes T]

I think this is depressing, seems like now neither of you have the chance to have a life outside of your relationship bubble.

And I feel like I need to stand up for single men and their "influences." Sure some are jerks who drag unwilling parties to strip joints or whatever, but there are also many who not only respect others' relationships but openly envy them as well. My single friends never try to dissuade me from being with my boyfriend, and same goes for my boyfriend's single friends.