[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[JadedQueen]

I can see your situation.... I was in a situation similar when I first got married (I was 17 when I got married and my hubby was 22) and all of his friends were single and since he was in the military we lived thousands of miles from home so it was kinda difficult since at that age my hubby and his friends wanted to drink and party and I wasn't even old enough to get into the bar.

Your husband shouldn't have blamed YOU because HE drank too much... he's a grown man and should know how to set his own limits and if he can't then he should abstain from drinking. For your sake I hope that it may have taught him a lesson and there won't be a repeat performance. From the way it sounds I don't think his friends will want a repeat performance so they may not be extending another poker night invite.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Didn't you say he gets aggressive when he drinks?

I'm just wondering, seeing as "you" got on famously with them, whether he had a go at them, jealous

Never the less, you were there ,he knew that and he took the opportunity to go for it, which he knew he would do, so that means to me that he has a personality that says " I can get away with this" and does.

I'm disappointed to be honest that he "took advantage" of the situation and went beyond what he knew he "should do" 2 drinks.

But, I'm also feeling for him because, he "knew" he was going to do it... and so, he did.

I think there are in-securities in his nature.

And, in that, he can't help himself.. It's further in my opinion than just "drinking" rather, doesn't believe in himself... Work on that side... It's not the drink, it's his in-securities of himself.

CW

[sourpuss]

Your husband shouldn't have blamed YOU because HE drank too much... he's a grown man and should know how to set his own limits and if he can't then he should abstain from drinking. For your sake I hope that it may have taught him a lesson and there won't be a repeat performance. From the way it sounds I don't think his friends will want a repeat performance so they may not be extending another poker night invite.

Exactly! His fault. And for some people, it's just a harsh reality that they can't have ANY alcohol, at all, ever. Your husband seems to be one of those people. He just needs to commit to that and be ok with it.

[caterpillar79]

Lack of self control and discipline. I am quite down-hearted of the news that he did what he did and blamed you afterwards. Not good at all. He is acting like an 18 year old boy, no sense of responsibility at all. You seem like you have mothered him so much that he is now very dependent on you even for his (self)-control!

I admire your strength!

[KMonte85]

Wow so the bright side of the bad night I mentioned earlier is not so bright now that I know he blamed you after the fact for his overindulgence of alcohol. That tells me that he really didn't learn anything, because part of learning from one's mistakes is owning those mistakes. And he's more inclined to blame you. So what has he learned then?

That excuse is absolutely ridiculous, I hope you know. And he should be made well aware of that fact too.

What a double edged sword... catch 22... you can't tell him NOT to go hang out with his friends because he'll become resentful that you're too controlling/mommy syndrome. But you let him hang out with his friends and then you're still the bad guy because you didn't control his actions during the night out. What the? My mind can't even get around this concept. I'm kind of at a loss here...

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Acceptance... Fear...

That's a hard thing to jump...

He has to be happy with himself and not worry about what other's will think, but as I said, that's a hard thing to jump...

All you can do is encourage him of all his positive sides of himself to help him build that confidence in himself I guess.

Geez, you have a lot of work to do

CW