[CHANDLERS WISH]

i am also not trying to be nasty, but you seem to me to be more like his mother than his finance, i was worried about the phrase "i will let him go, if he wants to". it sounds as if, he requires your permission. i am really not trying to pick a fight, but dont understand why your relationship seems so one sided.

I don't think it's as bad as it may seem. He's never wanted to do anything without me next to him since I moved in with him. Not because he's afraid of me but because he had been single for so may years that he appreciates what he has.

I don't see where it's one sided? From what I've read, it appears that they have had many a discussion on the difference of "single life" and that of "married life" and that their aim and goal is to work towards a happy union, in marriage one day.. Their core beliefs of marriage seems to be simular.

In addition it seems he is loving the future "married life" compared to where he was and how he lived his previous way of life.

By the way, I will let him go if he wants to. We had a discussion which didn't lead to an argument, he basically presented it in the best possible way (he'll only take 2 beers with him and a lot of sodas, so the guys won't have to offer him extra drinks).

I also think here, personally it's a case of fear.. If his family worried about his drinking problem and he worried about it and stressed worried about it, the "I'll let him go" may more mean, I won't worry as much we worked through that fear as apposed to "I'm his Mum and what I say goes attitude" but I'll let stressed address that one

CW

[angel_123]

4-5 of his workmates gather every month, play poker and drink a lot at somebody's house. They had never asked my fiance to join them before, as they thought "I wouldn't let him go", because he has stopped drinking (mainly because of me, as we always fought when he drank 2 years ago, so now neither of us does). But they invited him last week and he told them he'd bring me along and it would be fun. I said he can go by himself if he wants to, as it's a "guys' night", plus I want his friends to realize that I don't control him, it's his choice not to drink and fight with me. He said he didn't want to leave me alone (I don't have any friends here) but he might go the next time.

The problem is, I regret convincing him he can go by himself if he wants to the next time. Because if he starts going to drunken poker nights once a month, then all the work we've done with the "no drinking at all" policy will be thrown in the trash and I'll be worried about it the whole night, whether he will get too drunk or not.

Do you think I'm overreacting? For days now I felt fine about it, but the more I get to know about that "poker night" the more worried I become. He said there is a chance that they will play for many hours and some might even suggest going out (although he said he wouldn't go etc.).

Should I go with him the next time, to see what this thing is about (and risk his friends continue to think I 'control' him) or let him go, get drunk, come home late and probably want to make it a habit? He says he won't drink over 2 beers, but who hangs around friends for hours and only has 2 beers? He cannot stop drinking once he starts and we have had very ugly incidents because of this, he's embarrassed himself and me in front of his friends many times.

I thought I could handle this but now I find myself thinking about it often...

honey, boys will be boys no matter what, you try to stop that it's gonna be chaotic in your household

As long as he stays in line, meaning no dating, no sex with other girls, no flirting with singles, it's okay.

[stressed]

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[stressed]

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[sourpuss]

Maybe all of his guy friends being mad at him will be a little wake up call that he can't have ANY alcohol.

[pretzel]

Maybe all of his guy friends being mad at him will be a little wake up call that he can't have ANY alcohol.

That's my feeling also.

[Mes T]

Jeez. Has he gotten professional help for his drinking problem?

Glad the guys liked YOU!

[KMonte85]

I think we have it the best we've had it so far, he's improving in many aspects. Most of all, he realizes his mistakes and what is worth doing or not. As I've been trying to tell him all along, it was not about going out with friends for a few hours, but about involving drinking and friends.

I think apart for the blowup with his friends, the night was well worth it based off of what you wrote right here. You were worried, but you let go, let him make his own decisions (so he can't resent you for being controlling), and let him make his own mistakes that he will hopefully have learned from.

Despite the negative of the night, I think that lesson learned and his wakeup call will be a big help to your relationship in the future, if he chooses to remember what he learned.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[JadedQueen]

Every couple needs time away. If you don't let him go or he doesn't go because he thinks you will be upset he will resent you for it. His friends will tell him that he is whipped and it just won't be a good situation for either of you. I suggest that you encourage him to go without you. Here's a thought, what about wives or girlfriends of the guys he is playing poker with? What do they do on poker night? Is there any chance that you can get together with them so that you aren't so dependent on your man as your only other means of human contact? I think if you encourge him to go he will make the right choice and not drink or if he does drink do it in moderation.