[Confused11]

Hi Girls, it's me again... Well, it's been a week now and I thought things were going ok. I'm really trying to 'forgive and forget' but it's hard. This has had such a profound affect on our lives... even though he didn't actually commit any sexual acts I feel like he did. He went to meet someone but decided against it when the time came. Last night we started fooling around in bed but it wasn't going anywhere and I asked him whether he wanted to make love to me. He said he did, that he desired me but he could tell I didn't desire him, that I haven't 'touched' him all week. He's right. I admitted that I didn't really want to have sex with him at the moment, but that I thought maybe I should because it might help me feel closer to him. He doesn't want that. He wants me to want him. I just can't right now. I have 'flashbacks' to images and writings I've seen. I feel like my heart has shut down and I don't know how to resurrect our relationship. Instead of making love, he got up and said he was going out for a walk. It was almost 2am. He was all dressed with shoes on etc and came and sat on the edge of the bed saying he felt he didn't deserve me and he felt like he should just walk in front of a truck. We talked for ages and eventually he came back to bed instead of walking infront of a truck.
Anyway, I feel empty. Alone and yet I know I'm loved. I just don't know if I can love him the same way again.
C.

[grendelsmom]

This is such a sad story. I really do feel for you and your heartbreak here. I am so sorry this had to happen. I know this is SO much what you don't want to hear, but he sounds like a man who's gay and just in the process of discovering it himself. Of course I don't know him, but that is what my intuition is screaming to me considering the way he seems so confused about it himself. And if he is not gay--this is still not the time to begin a marriage. It is the time for him to figure out who he is and what he wants, before he can make a commitment to anyone.

As for your lack of desire for him right now, that seems a perfectly natural reaction to being hurt the way you have. I don't think it will necessarily last forever, but if it does seem to last, maybe it is your body/subconscious telling you something you need to listen to.

Best of luck to you. Remember, although he may be wonderful in so many ways, he is not the only wonderful man in the world. You deserve someone who can love and commit to you wholeheartedly, not a situation such as this where everything is so uncertain.