[Ashlee T.]

Do you hold your hand in the fire and hope for it to heal? No...of course not. You pull it out, you bandage it, you take care of it and then hope for it to heal.

Much the same with our hearts. We cannot expect our heart to heal long as we're still holding it in the fire.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[Ashlee T.]

I don't sing, I don't dance (well, I don't!), I don't jump on him when he comes home from work.... in other words, I don't behave immaturely as much as he'd like me to

I sing....probably too much. I dance through the house when I'm cleaning, and sometimes just because. But it's because I'm happy. So what...you're not the type of personality to do those things.....but joy can be seen in other ways....happiness is apparent. But so is unhappiness. These things he perceives you as.....are correct. Right? But you ARE those things because you're not happy, because you can't let go of control of your emotions because he'll stomp them, you can't gain your self confidence because you're with someone that doesn't make you feel loved and desired, therefore deflates you, you can't be comfortable enough with him to let your guard down....because you don't trust him. Maybe you'll NEVER be the dancing singing type, there's nothing wrong with that. But when you're happy, truly happy, it's evident. What he's wanting, is to reap the rewards of a happy joyful woman, without having to do a thing to contribute.

Don't confuse who you truly are, with who you are in this relationship. This relationship isn't your best "color"....it washes you out. Once you put on a color that suits you, you'll be vibrant and beautiful again. Get my point?

[pretzel]

BD's last paragraph is very true.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[stressed]

I really liked BD's post, I must say.

[rcoreyus]

I wouldn't necessarily worry about the ring - I need to remove mine for some of my work, and have occasionally forgotten it. OTOH though it could be part of a pattern with the extra showers, etc.

He says he wants you to jump him when he comes in the door. Does he really - or if you did that would he just say he was tired (want to bet....).

As far as singing and dancing - you shouldn't try to be something you are not - you have a personality and if he doesn't like that, then there is no point pretending to be something different. Does he maybe just want you to be happy? Maybe he doesn't realize that he is the reason you are not happy?

[Texinator]

If he wants some fire, just take his porn collection, pour some lighter fluid over it, and WOOSH!

The problem is that he is a man-child who doesn't know how to act around women. He doesn't know how to please a woman outside the bedroom, and he especially has no clue to appreciating one inside the bedroom. If you're not the type of woman he finds attractive, it's only because you're not a two dimensional image with which he doesn't have to interact.

HE is the problem. He knows it, you know it, everybody knows it. That's why he is trying to divert attention on focus on you allegedly not being fiery enough. But how can he expect you to be passionate and spontaneous if he keeps rejecting you sexually and pays absolutely no attention to your needs and wants? It's all just a load of bull...

You've shown him more patience and understanding than anybody could ask for, you've bent over backwards for him time and time again... You owe him nothing. How has he reciprocated all that love and attention. He hasn't, and he's not going to, now or ever. This is one man-child that's never going to grow up. If you want to mother him, fine. But if you want a relationship with a man who will love and appreciate all you have to offer, look elsewhere.

[WildChild]

YOu know, Tex may well be right. There are some men that just don't and won't get it. Nothing short of a anvil dropped on their head seems to make an impression. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for both of you is to give them the opportunity to find someone better suited to them.

[Texinator]

I've been following the story for a while, and he is so frustratingly obnoxious with his behavior that it almost hurts physically to read about him. It doesn't really matter anymore what might be the reason behind his behavior, whether he didn't receive enough hugs growing up or if he was dropped on his head one too many times as a kid, but a good description of his behavior towards stressed would likely make the profanity filter short circuit. I have no idea how she keeps from sticking her boot up his rear, but she's a saint for how she has handled the situation so far.