[stressed]

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[Hopeless Dork]

Stressed it sounds like in all your hurt over his past/current behaviors that you have really allowed yourself to believe he isn't attracted to you. What are some of the reasons you think he'd be with you if not for basic sexual attraction? I don't think that it has to do with him not being attracted to you and more to do with a sexual dysfunction that he refuses to address. He wants you to be all firey... how can you be firey and porno -- even if you wanted to when you have to be chained to his nipple the entire time. He has put limitations on what you can do, he has no right to be resentful for what you don't do.

You have given and given and have sacraficed passionate spontanious sex to assure that he's able to orgasm in his one way and now he thinks you need be more up? He doesn't make an effort to selflessly pleasure you ... and yet you still do so for him when he wants that from you. I think he just fired back that you need to be more blah or blah... just to be defensive... as if to blame you for your being unhappy int he bedroom. If only you were more this or that then he would be... but you know thats not true.

He can say what he wants to deflect from the issue... but he still has no good reason for not attempting to pleasure you in ways that don't involve his penis. With the way sex has to be performed each and every time (with only his pleasure in mind) the least he could do is be open to pleasing you in other ways when you need it.

But if you go *** for tat with him and only give what he gives you'd be left with nothing. And I know you enjoy intimacy and would rather have intimacy geared towards his pleasure than none at all.. and the sad part that works against you is I'm sure he knows that too.

[stressed]

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[pretzel]

My dear, I know you and I have given our opinions on him and his issues before and I'm sorry to say that this is just another layer of it.

If you may recall, I've said before that he's a true "mamma's boy" and that he will only do just enough. He really seem incapable to doing anything for himself, and the changes for work will be temporary (i.e. just long enough to become comfortable in the new position) and he will eventually revert back to his old ways.

But, alas, it seems his affinity for porn is now not giving the satisfaction it once did. Now he needs to go to a new avenue. He's now looking for you to be his porn cache. This isn't going in the right direction. I hope you understand the implications that I'm trying to draw.

[WildChild]

I feel your pain. Not living together but have had much of the same emotionally and sexually and now told I need to "defrost" my heart. I don't know what to tell you. Are you willing to give it one more shot and put on a show for him?

[Ashlee T.]

It sounds incredibly frustrating to say the least. Sounds to me like he's feeling a bit better about himself, so maybe he's feeling more "firey" and wants to see the same in you. But you're not a light switch.


I'm like you. I'd have a hard time being told "I want you to act a certain way when I get home from work today"......and do it. I'd feel forced, like it was an act.....and like he'd obviously know it was an act and that it would be more of a "role play" than reality.

With that said..... if you can't find the "firey" you, the you that smiles, laughs and is able to enjoy herself with him, then I'll say once again, you shouldn't be in this relationship. Because if you're miserable, frustrated, unhappy, feel unattractive, don't have any respect left for him, (and rightfully so...)....then the relationship is an empty shell. It's nothing but an empty shell you're carrying around just to have it. But nothings inside.

[stressed]

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[stressed]

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[KMonte85]

Counseling? Psychiatrist? Sexologist? A new porn-free brain? Just let him be in his misery and move on?

With all that you've had to go through, I would suggest you go with your last option... This man has made it abundantly clear that your feelings don't count. Between this post, and the others, you've written a story of hurt, underappreciation, and selfishness. Yes, I understand that there is more to you relationship than these posts, but really... even with all the good, the bad you've written about is PRETTY DARN BAD.

You tried to be the vixen, but it wasn't good enough compared to his porn - so understandably you stopped. Now his porn isn't good enough, and he's throwing it back on you to be his sexual entertainment, like you're some blow up doll sitting in the closet waiting to be inflated and used when he comes home from work. And you better be ready, because if you're not then it is YOUR fault.

I actually hurt for you reading this.. trying to put myself in your position, and having to hear those words. It hurts my feelings, and I wasn't even the one who had the conversation.

[Ashlee T.]

I actually hurt for you reading this.. trying to put myself in your position, and having to hear those words. It hurts my feelings, and I wasn't even the one who had the conversation.

AGREED!!

But it's just ridiculous to be blamed for anything on the subject, that's a first from him and I can't believe it.

I've met people that could justify ANYTHING. No matter how ridiculous they sound in doing so, no matter how false what they are saying is, there are people that can not only justify it to themselves, but actually BELIEVE what they tell themselves. At the same time, they are able to remove any personal responsibility. He's one of those people. He tells himself "well if she'd act more like these girls on porn do" and he believes that even though it wouldn't matter if you dressed up, looked and acted JUST like one of them...he'd find something else. He behaviour, he self serving, selfish, inconsiderate, actions have ruined the fun loving intimacy, the spicy sex, the endearment, the love.