[rcoreyus]

Imagine that your SO told you that he was interested in someone else. Maybe that he was gay - so that you were no competition, you simply were not what he was looking for. Imagine this and imagine how you would feel: Lost? Angry? Relieved?

I think your own reaction will tell you a lot.

[Texinator]

I don't know... every time I've left a relationship "I knew" it was over, I felt it and was looking for opportunities to break up even if I still loved them. I don't have this feeling with him, that's why I can't break up with him yet. Any idea why? I don't feel like I "need" him, I have a family to go to, I can start a new life, I don't need him financially, it's not that. But what is it...

Much of your frustration with him has to do with sex - or rather, his complete lack of interest in it - and it's probably that you don't think that's an appropriate reason or enough of a reason for you to leave him.

[stressed]

(Personal info deleted)

[stressed]

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[Texinator]

Think of it as a compatibility issue. You like sex, he doesn't. So... you're not compatible in that area.

There's nothing wrong with ending a relationship because of a lack of compatibility.

[stressed]

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[Texinator]

Remind him actions speak louder than words. He's had enough time to prove you wrong. So far all he's been doing has been to prove you right.

If he really liked sex and he really found you attractive, he'd knock off the excuses, get busy, and leave you seeing stars and hearing angels. Doesn't sound like he's ever even come close to doing that, however.

[jns]

Basically, the only reason I want to be in a relationship with a man is the sexual aspect of the relationship. I don't need to be with a man for his money, his job, or his company (I can be perfectly happy living by myself), his strength, his skills, marriage children. I can handle it all by myself and I'm nowhere near wanting children yet. Only reason I want a relationship is sex. And I don't get this single thing I want while I'm in this relationship. But at the same time it doesn't feel right to leave because of it. I think that's my problem. I can ignore his other flaws, I can forget about them, but this stings every day.

The only reason you would have to feel bad is if you did not convey that idea early on in the relationship.

If the idea that the guy was to be a good earner of money and to give a nice amount of it his SO was part of the original framework of a relationship, if he then decided to not work hard and instead was going to become a painter, that could be construed as a deal breaker. It was completely under his control, yet he decided unilaterally to change it.

Why would having sex be different? A guy has to be stimulated to perform. But, if he has a physical job, he has to tone his muscles to excel at his job also. If his job is mental, he has to learn how to stay sharp in his given field.

If your guy's job with you is sex, then he has to make sure he stays sharp at sex for you. Just as the model cannot take to eating boxes of jelly donuts all of the time, he cannot take to using porn for convenience, while leaving you without a crucial part of your relationship. To me it sounds like he is not being lazy, rather he is sabotaging the relationship, probably for control issues. You are, after all, very self confident.

If I make it out to be a job, it really is, to a high degree. On a job, if you are good, you exhibit commitment. In a relationship, you should also exhibit commitment.

[stressed]

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[WildChild]

You've heard the saying, "throwing good money after bad?". You've given him 4 years, how much more time are you going to put into this. You can make more money, you can move to a new location, you can learn more skills - you can't get more time. Once it's gone it is gone forever. How much time are you going to spend not getting what you want and need in a relationship? It can't be doing either of you much good. You are unhappy and finding fault with him, that can't make him happy. Who knows there may be a woman out there who doesn't care much for sex but who finds something else of value in him. Leave just may be doing him a faovr as well as yourself.

I don't think it is so much that sex is all you want from a man be that you want to be with a man because you want and enjoy being with him, not because you need someone to support you or to keep you from being lonely. This is a very positive thing. It means you are woman who can stand on her own and wants a partner rather than a support post or someone she has to prop up.

I think you need to get yourself free, spread your wings a bit and see what is out there.