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Husbanding watching porn

I recently have found out that my husband watches porn. I was crushed and devastated. It hurt me. Sure most people will say get over it watch porn with him. I think this is the most sinful nature to condone. If your marriage is truly sacred and both of you believe in God. Please do not take the advice of a sinful person. I am crying and hurting over it. It has crushed my spirit and I do not know if we will ever truly be intimate agian. God made us for a reason. NOt to commit adult acts with another women on a screen. Do not let it take place. If you do you are allowing a whole new territory to be opened and you could be hurt alot more than you think. I for one have no intentions to sin right along with him. There are many positive alternitives to do. It will make your relationship pure and strong. That is why I am so broken over this and I totally understand why it would hurt, frustrate, sadden and crush someone.

[chairman]

if i could add a guy's perspective...

specifically, a guy who used to be into porn - a lot. it's really not about the other women. it's typically about a psychological need or problem - a guy who is afraid to be intimate. porn offers hot, nasty sex with no intimacy. that sounds repulsive to a woman. but intimacy requires closeness. it requires that a guy let down his guard & let a woman in.

it should already be obvious why this problem eludes so many couples. guys don't think this way. we don't understand it, much less think we have that problem.

porn silently fills a need we don't know we have.

men who's relationships with their mothers was broken somehow will almost invariably become "users" or "consumers" of women. some do it through one night stands, some through purposeful mistreatment of women.

nice guys who have manners & love their wives do it with porn. it means they can still be faithful (yes i know, that's in question - but i'm talking about the male perspective), still treat their wives like royalty, still be sexually safe, etc.

that's why so many seemingly perfect husbands devestate their wives by hiding a nasty porn habit.

i personally don't think you're doing your husband any favors by "not minding" if he's into porn. i guess you should pretend to be mad if you're really not bothered. but it ain't healthy.

at it's worst, it can rob a man of all the qualities that originally made him so attractive.

[browniegirl]

ok so..

it is interesting to read all of this, and what i have been doing is just relax a little about this, i know my husband love me as much as i love him. and it is true sometimes i am curious to watch porn so does he. so, i am working out my negative feeling and doubts about his love because he watches porn. because i know he does it for curiosity and because he needs to disconect from his busy day. that doesn't make him a pig i just need to remember he loves me otherwise he wouldn't be with me. because i am not asking him to stay with me, he is with me because he want to be. so i think porn is not the best thing to do but if it happens once in a while it's alright as long as it doesn't affect my relationship with my hubby. which hasn't and i know a lot of women feel betray, jealous and unwanted. but if you think about it. as long as they don't physically cheat on us it's alright. they love us and they won't choose a porn star to form a family because they are just images and fantasy.just think porn is forbidden, and what is forbidden make you more curious about it/

[kittie21692000]

my ex had alot of porn. At first i didnt think it was a problem but then i caught his looking at porn all the time. I woke up once to him sitting on the floor, playing with himself watching porn on low volume. His excause, he didnt want to wake me up but he had a massive hard on and didnt want blue balls. then it turned into he was masterbating to porn more then we were having sex. He told me men get tried of seeing the same pair of **** over and over again. Tell him how uncomfortable porn makes u and maybe u guys can start watching it together to add new idea's in the bed room.

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Crazy

if i could add a guy's perspective...

specifically, a guy who used to be into porn - a lot. it's really not about the other women. it's typically about a psychological need or problem - a guy who is afraid to be intimate. porn offers hot, nasty sex with no intimacy. that sounds repulsive to a woman. but intimacy requires closeness. it requires that a guy let down his guard & let a woman in.

it should already be obvious why this problem eludes so many couples. guys don't think this way. we don't understand it, much less think we have that problem.

porn silently fills a need we don't know we have.

men who's relationships with their mothers was broken somehow will almost invariably become "users" or "consumers" of women. some do it through one night stands, some through purposeful mistreatment of women.

nice guys who have manners & love their wives do it with porn. it means they can still be faithful (yes i know, that's in question - but i'm talking about the male perspective), still treat their wives like royalty, still be sexually safe, etc.

that's why so many seemingly perfect husbands devestate their wives by hiding a nasty porn habit.

i personally don't think you're doing your husband any favors by "not minding" if he's into porn. i guess you should pretend to be mad if you're really not bothered. but it ain't healthy.

at it's worst, it can rob a man of all the qualities that originally made him so attractive.

That is so stupid to say it has nothing to do with the wife. Just because the husband is good does not mean it is o.k. to watch porn to keep from cheating. He should already feel like a man in christ. It tells the women hey I want to be with someone else. Anyways you are a sick man. It is not healthy cause if it was God would not say it is a sin. Second of all he has totally agreed to not watching it. It is not like I am unattractive I have a body every women would want at that he is way older than I and I am 26 He is 37. We are happy now that we have settled the problem and I even asked if watching it with him would make him happy. He said no because he is a man of Christ and wishes to not do theses things because it effects my self esteem and he is in love with me.

[Guest]

I'm probably the youngest and most inexperienced here, but I don't see anything wrong with them watching porn. I know some women think it's gross and it's cheating, but it's not like they can reach through the screen and have a go at the women. They're just watching it. Some guys get new ideas from porn. Ya know...inspiration. "Oh, that looks good. Wouldn't mind introducing my wife to something like that. She might just like it."

I think that it's only a problem if he spends more time with the ladies on the screen than with his wife. If that happens, feel free to take his porn stash and reprimand him. Other than that, let him have fun.

[Guest]

I recently have found out that my husband watches porn. I was crushed and devastated. It hurt me. Sure most people will say get over it watch porn with him. I think this is the most sinful nature to condone. If your marriage is truly sacred and both of you believe in God. Please do not take the advice of a sinful person. I am crying and hurting over it. It has crushed my spirit and I do not know if we will ever truly be intimate agian. God made us for a reason. NOt to commit adult acts with another women on a screen. Do not let it take place. If you do you are allowing a whole new territory to be opened and you could be hurt alot more than you think. I for one have no intentions to sin right along with him. There are many positive alternitives to do. It will make your relationship pure and strong. That is why I am so broken over this and I totally understand why it would hurt, frustrate, sadden and crush someone.

Personally, I think you're overly sensitive. "I'm so hurt he was jacking off the to the women on the screen. It's so sinful. Oh woe is me."

Not everyone on this website is a Jsus freak and some other people have different morals. Calling someone sinful is a horrible thing to do. God did not put you on the earth to judge or place people in a catergory. Everyone on the internet is sinful. Every single person in the world is sinful and you have no right to tell people what and what not to do because someone who doesn't follow your way of life ****es you off. Calling someone sinful...That's rude.

Back to porn: Chill out. It seems you're more offended with the fact that it ruins you idea of a Christian lifestyle than your marriage. Your husband was not doing anything with the woman on the screen. He was just looking at her and having a good time. Do you honestly think you can go through a marriage without looking at the opposite sex lustfully? Sure, I don't know my head from my *** when it comes to marriage because I'm so against it and it would never get married.

...Then again, I'm not you. I have no idea what goes on through your head. -shrugs- Just how I feel about this.

[Guest]

THe reason women hate porn is because it's all geared to men's fantasies and those are sometimes so far from anything you would ever do in real life that we just find it repulsive. But what matters is that YOU don't like it, if you don't like it and express to your porn watching husband how you feel, that should be enough to make him stop out of respect. But you see the reason he (they) don't stop, is because some men become so disillusioned as to what REAL LIFE people are. The women in those videos/pictures ALWAYS seem to be looking right at them that at some point their brain bucket cracks and they really believe that these women are doing all this for them! They become so lost that you telling him how you feel is like a squirrel chatter in the background: He don't hear you, don't see you; as far are he's concerned you're only a wall, the intermission, between him and the pleasure for the old penis, which I bet, he reffers to as a "he"...LMAO that always cracked me up...it's YOU, your penis is a part of YOU...I'M hard', not "he's hard"...sheesh

Anyway, personally, I think men (and some sick women) involved in pornography are all lazy, useless asses who have no positive baring on our society. They are the scum of the world, some so sick that they force children into their disgusting world of "pleasure". THey have psychopathic tendencies as they do not care whom they hurt. I've known people involved in the sex "industry" and they were all abused as kids...sex, they have learned, is a TOOL, not an amazing way to connect with your trusted partner. So, my guess is that 95% of the women involved in the sex industry is where all the sexually abused children end up "working". See, most people don't view pornography this way. I actually had my exboyfriend tell me that the women in the "movies" were "actresses". I actually laughed at this: JUST HOW DELUSIONAL DO MEN BECOME? THE STUPID EXCUSES THEY COME UP WITH TO JUSTIFY THIS SICKNESS?
I've watched porn when I was younger, and the women in the movies all had that worn, used look.. it really made me think about what's behind the cameras...or who, or if there's any weapons pointed...and then, why the hell is she doing this and why the hell am I watching????
MEN WHO BUY PORN ARE JOHNS!

And LilSarah, just how little are you? ANd you say with so much certainty that you know why men do the things that they do? "...trying to relieve themselves"??? SHEESH, who brainwashed you? Trust me, men who LOVE porn are bad men, who will never be faithful as they consider the porn "stars" LOL as "his girls"! So when you think he's making love to you, he's actually doing them...and thinking about what they were doing and to whom in the videos.

Serious anger management problems going on right here.

Obviously something has happened to you in the past and you're taking it out on people who are different than you. Calling them scum and other stuff because they have sex for a living. Everyone has there way for living. And why are you calling them lazy? Just because they have sex on a screen? or are you saying they're settling for something "easy." Having sex is not easy. Oki, I've never had sex before, but I am very sure it's not easy. You have to have a mind set to do such a thing and you can't be weak.

I think you need a new outlook on life and to just chill out for a few decades.

[Guest]

Your husband was not doing anything with the woman on the screen.

that might be the silliest thing i've ever read regarding pornography.

[Guest]

that might be the silliest thing i've ever read regarding pornography.

Well, he was jacking off to her. Not with her. It's different.