[Guest]

im not supposed to post in this thread anymore but i just want to truly wish you well and hope you can get on with your life, and please don't look back...

[unsuregirl]

There is this little thing going on... After telling him what are our options and reminding him of all the events that happened since we came together under one roof (that included the worst things we both did to each other), he has agreed to join me for couple counselling sessions ("if you think that's the only thing that can help", to quote him) ... He said to me that I am talking like we have some disorder so maybe we should address it with a counsellor if I am correct.
So, anyway, now you guys know so much about my last two months... Would you advise me to first take up the sessions with him and not move out unless things get too stressful to take ?... my other option would be to move out right now and then come back later to give it a shot... either ways..
Just to make it a bit easier, I can move back in with my mom at any point of time and there is no reason other than "I care and I am unsure" that I am not already out ( and ofcourse, I was too sick...just recovered)
little note :- everything is calm at the house right now... we both dealing with it the best one can right now

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Wow, he seems to 1) listen to what you are saying, 2) not want it to end, but abusive people will always do that (control) to hold onto you.

However, it's not the only thing that will help, it's a good start to help, and I am smiling that you stated "we did to each other"....Because it was a cause and effect, even though he should never,ever, have lifted his hand..

A counsellor will point out what is right and wrong...and help guide you both...

If he's prepared, if he can commit to NOT ever hit you, twist your arm and you can also contain yourself of shoving, pushing, then I would say, you always if both are willing, attempt to understand faults and see if there is harmony that can occur, to bring the marriage together, or not.

Honey? You also have to consider, sexually....to be able to discuss your needs, his needs to see if you can be equal there and enjoy that more and be more intimate....That being the word, "intimate" as well as experimenting together...

Don't move...If he hits you again, as I said previously, then do so, even if you provoked him, or if you are worried and you think he would do more than slap if you lashed out and you both argued? Then yes, move and work it together...

Think carefully on that, safety is important, here the blame game is not important rather safety.

Only you know if you can both NOT push the buttons and work this...

CW

[karenshiver]

No one should have to endure unwanted sexual touch... no means no! I was raped when I was 24... so, I know how this feels and Brian always forces himself on me... he holds me down and rips off my clothes and touches my breasts and puts his hand down my pants... and, I scream, "No!" But, because he is my fiance, and pays my bills, he thinks he has the "right" to demand sex from me... sexual assault is what it is called. Brian also wakes me up in the middle of the night and keeps me from sleeping because he wants to have sex with me. I am sorry your husband slapped you... that was so wrong... but, please, never force anyone to have sex with you... not even your husband.

[unsuregirl]

No one should have to endure unwanted sexual touch... no means no! I was raped when I was 24... so, I know how this feels and Brian always forces himself on me... he holds me down and rips off my clothes and touches my breasts and puts his hand down my pants... and, I scream, "No!" But, because he is my fiance, and pays my bills, he thinks he has the "right" to demand sex from me... sexual assault is what it is called. Brian also wakes me up in the middle of the night and keeps me from sleeping because he wants to have sex with me. I am sorry your husband slapped you... that was so wrong... but, please, never force anyone to have sex with you... not even your husband.

I understand what you are you saying, your situation and thanks for your advice... I have received help from people over here and for that, I have been following your thread and I want you to know that I am sorry that you have to be in this situation and I hope that you will find a way out of the mess you are in right now.

[karenshiver]

Thank you. I hope we both can resolve our issues and live happier lives.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I want to add...

Sidneyalive stated, "I'm not supposed to post on this thread"...

You may wish to be-friend her karen and talk a little....or view her posts way back when she joined.

She feels reading this thread reminds her of her abuse, which like you is fresh...But she did leave, with nothing and she is trying to cope emotionally, hense why she doesn't appear to be here much...

I wish there was something I could do to take out the pain in life....I can't...

Unsuregirl, I'm glad that your still here, I'm glad that your seeing other threads, and people are responding from experiences, I think you should remain here for a while, we are kind of good therapy as well in our own way

CW

[unsuregirl]

I want to add...

She feels reading this thread reminds her of her abuse, which like you is fresh...But she did leave, with nothing and she is trying to cope emotionally, hense why she doesn't appear to be here much...

CW

Is that about sidneyalive??


Reading through others' posts makes me realize what I was crying over and gives me a reason to change myself before I drive my relationship to a similar point ... And I see that there is a lot more pain than what I am enduring ... I wish I knew of a way to help though...
Me and my husband are going through pages of domestive abuse together over the internet... I am just hoping that this be the end of making these horrible mistakes for the two of us

[Guest]

What would be wrong with going to counseling from afar (while living at mom's) ?

Staying in the house continues to give him control and also shows him (IMO) that what he did wasn't that big of a deal..."she's still here".

I think you need to take a stronger stand, show him that you are very serious about this matter and if he doesn't come around, then you are already out and won't have to deal with whatever might occur as a direct result of failed counseling.

I don't think you are protecting yourself enough from a potential reoccurance of the same or similar behavior.

What if things "don't go well" at counseling? What if things are brought up "that he doesn't like"? What happens if he gets angry on the way home? What happens if he gets angry once you get home?

I'm all about reducing exposure to "risk" and I don't think you have done enough to reduce your exposure to the "risk" of being abused again.

Just my opinion....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Is that about sidneyalive??


Reading through others' posts makes me realize what I was crying over and gives me a reason to change myself before I drive my relationship to a similar point ... And I see that there is a lot more pain than what I am enduring ... I wish I knew of a way to help though...
Me and my husband are going through pages of domestive abuse together over the internet... I am just hoping that this be the end of making these horrible mistakes for the two of us

Yes, sweet....

See I've been here for quite some time....I've watched people here grow, become someone else, realise things they never realised and actually change... It is 1 out of 100 though that do that. But , it's worth every second each of us put in. I think that you are right, reading other posts makes us be people, and see.... where we otherwise, couldn't..

The only way to help? Is to be there for people...I'm pleased that your both seeing here, not one, no blame, but both ...... the two of you....

Remember, if you choose to breathe and remember and not act as you did, and he chooses to breathe and remember and not act as he did,there is hope.

Either one of you break that? Then walk away and continue with seeking help in hope to heal and break the pattern...

CW