[WildChild]

Keep that appointment, it will help to talk with someone. When trust is gone it's hard to keep the relationship going. You are going to have to decide what you can accept and if you can stay with him. He's going to have to recognize that he has hurt you badly and will have to work to rebuild the relationship.

[somiserable]

Thats how my husband started his affairs, if its a secret then its cheating regardless, read the stats, most people have affairs now over the internet and via mobile because its easy. My husband sent 250 texts in one week to one of his girlfriends, they are too explicit to write about but I saw them and I am now divorcing him because of his three affairs (and also the fact that he started hitting me when I took him back). Liars cheat and cheaters lie, its fact, find someone who can respect you enough not to do it, he obviously has no respect for you

[AAA]

My husband did the same before he cheated, it started with sms!

[BostonMom]

I just recently found out my husband has been calling and texting his ex-girlfriend a couple of times a month for the last almost 2yrs we have been married!!!! We have 3 children the youngest being 6 weeks old! His texting her started during our engagement, then the birth of our son(we had 2 kids before getting married) and Im just finding out now!! He claims its completely innocent, they are "just friends", etc. I also e-mailed her and questioned her , she explained that nothing was going on, they were texts he sent her when he was bored at work (he works an all night shift on weekends) and she bartended late night so they would catch up on the old neighborhood, famalies, etc. She mind you is still single, some of their texting went on for 3 to 4 hours.....and some phone calls were at 5:30 and 6 in the morning on his way home from work!!! Im so not trusting him right now and so hurt, shocked, that kicked in the stomache feeling you get in your gut, he has apologized and deleted her # from his phone in front of me, said he loves me and is so sorry........he also never told her about our new baby, she congratulated me when I e-mailed her....is it odd he never mentioned the arrival of his new baby to her if their texting was innocent???? I dont know what to do...he said he will NEVER contact her again...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't know, I think you have to give him the benefit of the doubt, I wouldn't like (4hr) texting going on that's NOT ON... twice a month seems a little harmless though, you can be friends after a break up.

is it odd he never mentioned the arrival of his new baby to her if their texting was innocent???? I dont know what to do...he said he will NEVER contact her again...

Well, I think the oposite... I know your using suspicion but if he was "interested in her", 1) He'd be with her full time or part time, 2) he would talk about his marriage, children because that's usually the conversation they have to get the "poor me", going so that a woman feels sorry for them.. They usually put everything down and state they made a mistake.

I think instead of being hurt, just explain that a marriage is a commitment and that your pleased that he can realise and notice that past is past and should remain there, doesn't mean that if he saw her in the street he should not speak with her and say hello.

CW

[BostonMom]

my heart is so sore at the dishonesty......I also found out that while we were engaged and 4 weeks befoe our son was born another ex girlfriend came from out of state for a buisness trip, contacted him beforehand and he arranged to get together with her, they had also stayed in touch threw texting/phone calls that I was un aware of, well, I just also found out that she never even knew he was engaged, had two more children and married me 2 years ago!!! I found out he spent a night with her while we were engaged and I was pregnant with our son! She told me nothing happened when I called and spoke with her, she never knew he was even engaged to me (she lives out of state). She said they didnt sleep together because she hadnt seen him in 2 years and thought it wasnt safe and she was nervouse...she felt bad for me and promised to cut all ties with him and he also admitted his 3 year phone call/texting relationship with her, how he hid his life with me and our kids from her and has apologized for that too....we are going to counseling but I just cant seem to get over this, we were sooo happy, why would he do this ?????

[BostonMom]

how are you doing now??? I am going threw a little of the same, shock, disbelief......why would he do this????? How are things for you now???

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's great if you both are going to councelling it seems there is more to this than the original thread you posted.

It's okay to be friends but your suggesting that he "almost" cheated, knowingly with the other girlfriend, as she chickened out did you ask him on that note?

How old are you two?

It takes time sometimes to adjust from batchelorhood to married life, perhaps he's having difficulties with that adjustment, not an excuse definately, but hopefully this will come out from councelling.

Sorry that this has occured with two different ladies and that he hasn't spoken of you or your children...

I hope you can work it out between you.

CW

[BostonMom]

thank you for your thoughts.......he feels horrible for continuing a texting/phonecalling relationship with these 2 ex-girlfriends...I tried to kick him out and he cried and begged to stay, promised to go to counseling and be a better husband, and for the last 3 weeks hes been wonderful and loving but I am still so angry and hurt. We got married late, hge is 43 and im 35, he was always a ladies man, maybe he kept in contact with these woman for reassurance??? They were around before me and he just never cut off ties i guess......he said he never told them about me or the kids because it never came up....and thats so hurtfull, like we didnt exist....the ex that lives nearbye swears nothing more than a friendship with him and the ex out of state never new he married and had 3 kids after their relationship ended...they stayed intouch long distance until she came out about 2 years ago, i was 9 months pregnant and still cant believe he met up with her......i cant believe im just finding out about it now!!!!

[BostonMom]

how are you doing now???? i am going thru the exact same thing...our baby is 6 weeks old and i just found out about his texting 3 weeks ago...im heartsick!!!! I made him delete her #, but im sick, this has been going on for 2yrs and i didnt know it!!