[WildChild]

Just make sure you have a good separation agreement. If you don't you could find yourself saddled with his bills and any new debt he might incur. You should have a requirement that you both maintain a term life policy with your child as beneficiary, it can be set up so that the agency notifies you if the policy is cancelled.

You may still find some counseling beneficial, to help you keep moving forward and to get clear about what role you may have played in this situation developing. Sometimes we just don't have all the skills we need to do a good job of choosing the people we let into our lives.

[wendilee]

i do talk to my counselor still every other week. we have a signed, notarized separation agreement. that is all we need here. there is not any debt and nothing that is in both of our names at all. he has a life insurance policy with his mother as the beneficiary and i have one with my youngest sister, as i have 3 children they will all be taken care of the same way.
im pretty sure now what role i played.
in his words, i loved him so much he didnt know how to handle it, and when he thought i was paying more attention to other people than to him, (he is very needy) and so he wanted attention, he regrets it now, but of course he turned around and did it again.
i think that because this has been going on for a year and a half we both realize that the arguing, the *** for tat, the hurting each other back and forth will not get us anywhere.
so we are going to live apart for 6 months, and see what happens. we both know that this is for the best and who knows if we were meant to be together then we will be. our love is not the issue, its the trust and all the hurt that we must survive right now.

[wendilee]

i do talk to my counselor still every other week. we have a signed, notarized separation agreement. that is all we need here. there is not any debt and nothing that is in both of our names at all. he has a life insurance policy with his mother as the beneficiary and i have one with my youngest sister, as i have 3 children they will all be taken care of the same way.
im pretty sure now what role i played.
in his words, i loved him so much he didnt know how to handle it, and when he thought i was paying more attention to other people than to him, (he is very needy) and so he wanted attention, he regrets it now, but of course he turned around and did it again.
i think that because this has been going on for a year and a half we both realize that the arguing, the *** for tat, the hurting each other back and forth will not get us anywhere.
so we are going to live apart for 6 months, and see what happens. we both know that this is for the best and who knows if we were meant to be together then we will be. our love is not the issue, its the trust and all the hurt that we must survive right now.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If he is an attention seeker, needy, that is not going to change. If he knows that there is a problem but refuses to go to Counselling that is not going to change.. If he lied to you and deliberately hid things from you, that is not going to change...

I know you hope that 6 months he may learn to appreciate what he has lost.. But, will you not forever wonder as you live your lives?

I liked the poster who gave the description of why people come into our lives and leave them, that is to me, very true, if they are not a part of this journey, joining as two souls, then it's time to let go.

I want you to know, that I was 43 when I separated. I am now 47 going on 48, engaged, happy, compatible souls, trust, laughter.... So don't even worry about your age, if you do? You will stay with this person for 10 more years, of wasted life, with non trust, arguements, un-happiness and doing all the work... Think about that over your next six months...


CW

[wendilee]

i know that my "hope" is just that, but i think that will help me through the beginning of us being completely apart. we have been together for 12 years, and just knowing that he is not going to be there is killing me. i know that is just fear of losing someone, but i cant help it. i will not let him know how bad it actually hurts because he will use that against me. i have not been at the house with him in a few days and it is very hard. i find myself reaching for the phone to text him constantly, its a hard habit to break. i know that i will get through this, and i will get a little bit stronger every day. its getting on that track that is the hardest...

[caterpillar79]

i know that my "hope" is just that, but i think that will help me through the beginning of us being completely apart. we have been together for 12 years, and just knowing that he is not going to be there is killing me. i know that is just fear of losing someone, but i cant help it. i will not let him know how bad it actually hurts because he will use that against me. i have not been at the house with him in a few days and it is very hard. i find myself reaching for the phone to text him constantly, its a hard habit to break. i know that i will get through this, and i will get a little bit stronger every day. its getting on that track that is the hardest...

It takes a lot of courage to do what you did and still doing. Your journey is going to be long and hardships, abundant with heartaches. You are your own best friend right now. But, we are here for you as well. This forum will not be there to hug you physically, but we do, as intertwined souls feel the connection. We are here to support you. You are a strong, beautiful woman, inside out. You will make it.

Every time you feel like texting/calling him, try to replace it with an activity to re-direct your energy or focus. Replace your old association to new things, i.e. WH, gardening, working out, new hobby classes, yoga, tai chi, aikido, etc. Find a good source to release the negative energy you have built up...purge, purge, purge. You'll be better soon. *hugs

[wendilee]

so just an update, the arguing never stopped, and became physical, started with keeping me from leaving, to jerking me around by my arm, to punching me and shoving me. the next day i went to the court filed for custody, got a protective order, and moved out of the house. am staying with a friend right now that says i can stay there as long as i need to. he had 2 extra bedrooms for me and my son, and the rent and bills are cheaper for me.
it has been a very rough week, feelings that are confusing me and making me sick to my stomach, but i know that we are tooo toxic for each other and it will end up worse than it already was, i just miss who we were together years ago. its very hard to let go of someone that you loved as much as i loved him

[Crystalblue]

I'm glad to hear you got yourself and your son out of that situation. I'm sorry you went through that. Hopefully having a safe place to start over will help you move on with your life. I wish you all the best.

[WildChild]

You are missing what was and that isn't anymore. Go ahead a grieve a bit but understand that what you are grieving for is what has died. You are much better off out of this. The physical abuse would have only gotten worse.

[wendilee]

every day it gets easier to be a way from him. he still calls me crying, texts me all the time, and i try very hard to ignore him. he sends me pictures of us, of flowers. idk what goes thru his head, i know that i wasnt gone from the house for 2 days and he had her spend the night, well actually from wed to sun. he is a trip.
i am healing slowly and have a wonderful support system. thank you all for your kind words. it is so nice to be able to come on here and vent and not have people telling you your doing the wrong thing.