[WildChild]

I had a guy do this, actually more than one. With one there had been threats of physical abuse and with both, emotional abuse. I can tell you from experience, that if you let him back in, unless he has gone through a major transformative experience (no, losing you for a while isn't it)nothing will change. At least not for long.

Just keep moving on.
He will hopefully, in time, learn. You have contributed enough to his development by drawing the line. He will learn more by not being allowed to cross it again. You are doing yourself and any future women he interacts with and ultimately him, a favor by getting him out of your life.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Last night he took our child, my stepson and HER to dinner. to the restaurant we met at, to the place he asked me to marry him, to the place that every year on the day we started dating we go to celebrate.
i have asked him to leave the house. i refuse to let him continue to hurt me.

I am the one to apologise for not being back to your thread.... Now that he hurt you and scared you phsyically can you see the non care, to take her to "YOUR" place, that is not respect sweetheart.

the arguing never stopped, and became physical, started with keeping me from leaving, to jerking me around by my arm, to punching me and shoving me. the next day i went to the court filed for custody, got a protective order, and moved out of the house. am staying with a friend right now that says i can stay there as long as i need to. he had 2 extra bedrooms for me and my son, and the rent and bills are cheaper for me.
it has been a very rough week, feelings that are confusing me and making me sick to my stomach, but i know that we are tooo toxic for each other and it will end up worse than it already was, i just miss who we

This made me sit up and want to scream.... Don't be confused what you had 12 years ago left along time ago but this "man" whom wants to cry to get attention? Is doing just that, getting attention for himself again not for you.

It's going to be OK.... you will heal and you do have support and vent away here what you are doing is right....What you had is not strong enough or good enough for YOU, the person you are...

I am amazed at how strong you are, good for you.....

This is a hard time, my ex was emotionally abussive to me...I think all women here know where you come from one way or another and I'm happy to share more it's late for me in Australia

You should be proud of yourself ....

[wendilee]

thank you, chandlers wish. i am proud of myself, and all of the support ive had, here and with friends and family just make it that much better. i get stronger everyday i am away from him. i do not listen to his boohooing anymore. told him to call his girlfriend and cry to her.
we had court this morning for custody and visitation, so i wont have to have any contact with him except for about our son.
i feel like a whole new person. it is so awesome to feel this way, to not have to worry about what i say so i dont get blown up on. he is a very sad man, and in time the new girlfriend will figure that out too. he is already controlling her and she has no idea thats what it is. i feel sorry for her. but that is not my problem, nor is anything he does unless it involves my son. hands are wiped clean.
my mother told me not to long ago that if this stuff had to happen to one of her daughters then shes glad it was me, cause i am the strongest one, the one with the most common sense. she knows i can handle anything that is thrown my way. she believes in me and that helps me be as strong as i am.
thank you, all of you, i am so happy that i found this site.

[WildChild]

Good for you!
Give yourself time to really heal. You need to be sure you have established new, healthier expectations before you get into another relationship.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

my mother told me not to long ago that if this stuff had to happen to one of her daughters then shes glad it was me, cause i am the strongest one, the one with the most common sense. she knows i can handle anything that is thrown my way. she believes in me and that helps me be as strong as i am.

You know it's things like that, that gets us through things so much better, with so much more confidence because who better to know us than our own Parents

It is an amazing feeling isnt it, it's a feeling of being free, of being yourself "again" finally.... It's all about you now and your son, go get the world and like you said, she will find out I am glad you are not revengeful it never does anyone any good

Keep us posted....we are still here to share your journey

[wendilee]

just leaving an update. things are going ok, really just taking it all day by day. Court went good, and we will not have to go back at all. Here in VA we have to be separated for a year until we can file for divorce. so i will wait patiently. i have limited all contact with the X and it gets a little bit easier everyday to do so.
I have alot of friends that are so super supportive of me, along with my family, who apparently is glad that i am away from him. Everyone i talk to or run into tells me i seem so much happier. and ive noticed that i dont break out anymore, and my stress headaches are gone. its amazing that someone can control your health along with the mental state you are in.
He still asks me to come home several times a week, and if i didnt have such good friends, family, and being able to read this over and over, i probably would've gone back to him. and that would be a disaster. when i see him, i want to punch him in the face and keep going, and every time he mentions the home wreckers name i get nauseous. i think the fact that he is still seeing her makes it easier for me to stay away. which is a very good thing. the more i am away, the more i heal.
I am having a good time with family and friends. i also feel like myself again.

[Crystalblue]

That's great to hear! It's amazing how much damage stress can do physically. Glad it's getting better for you.

The way your husband is handling the situation would mess with my emotions, big time. I don't even want to understand his point or what he could possibly be thinking. It's great that your aware of what's important for your own well being and happiness. Focus all your love into family and friends. It sounds like you have an awesome support system!

[wendilee]

i never knew that trying to get over a broken heart was so much work. it is sooo hard. the emotional roller coaster i am on is awful. one day im as high as i can be, smiling, laughing, just feeling great, and then all the sudden i am at the bottom of the ride, crying uncontrollably. so much of me wants to run to him when im down cause i know his touch always made me feel better, and then i think to myself...what in the world would you do that for? he is the one who did this to you, he doesnt deserve to see you upset.
the new girl is now living in my house, using my things. because she is there i cant even go back to get anything else i may want. im still so angry, i am really trying to give all that up, but it is still an open wound.
he still texts and calls me all the time. he will cry to me one day begging me to come back, or to run away with him, etc etc. and then he will turn around and be a complete jerk, telling me all of this is my fault, and that he is done with my . i have asked and asked him to leave me alone, all my friends tell me to block his number, but we have a child together. i cant do that. its like everywhere i turn he is there, and i cant get rid of him. ive even thought about moving to another state so i dont ever have to see him. i know that is drastic, everytime i go somewhere around here, i fear i am gonna see him with her. i dont even want to go to the grocery store. its ridiculous.
i am so ready for this pain to be over with, i want to move on, i know i cant until i am healed. but i am trying very hard.
thanks for listening.

[Crystalblue]

I can relate to the roller coaster. It seems like it hits me harder when I let myself stew in it more. When I get out with friends or go have fun with my kids, I feel better for a few days. Are you doing regular activities that you have fun with? At first, I was doing them just to do something to destract myself. Now I see how important it is that I keep it up and try to improve myself. I've been trying new things and opened myself to new experiences. Since my friends have different interest than me, I've got some help with new activities being suggested on a regular basis. A lot of our interests overlap, too, so I can invite them to do something new with me.

I've been to jewelry classes and shows, festivals, park trips with the kids, tried out new foods, and spent a lot of time out of my comfort zone, meeting new people. There's still so much to do and a lot of open invitations waiting for the future. One of my friends mentioned checking out street fights. Lol. I'm having to pace myself and find a balance, but this has really helped me.

The other thing was realizing that I may be going through a lot, but my friends need support with their problems, too. What can you do to help someone else? Even if it's just babysitting for a few hours so a friend can have some time to take a break.

This is the time to do your soul searching and find out what's still out there for you. Healing is going to take a lot of time, but that doesn't mean you have to pause everything, waiting for it to be better.

That's where I'm at anyways. I'm not sure if that helps or relates to what you're going through. I still have to take time to let myself feel how I feel. I use that time to do some writing and try to figure out what's working and what needs work. I can't change anything except myself. I can hope for change in others, but that's someone else's work to do.

[wendilee]

i really havent tried alot of new things, i have panic attacks, so new things scare me. i will say tho that i have started going to my sisters houses more. i went to a concert on my birthday and had a really good time. it was really nice without the stress of my x, and worrying if he will get so drunk he cant walk, or he starts a fight...what i mean to say is i didnt have to babysit...i just enjoyed the show with awesome friends.
my hardest time is when im at work. i work in a school so in the summer i am the only one in the office, so it leaves alot of time to think, and he knows it so he calls me all the time, or texts me. he sent me flowers for my birthday, i cant even tell you when the last time he sent me flowers was. it was a nice gesture since he signed his name and our sons.
i had a total breakdown last week also. cried, really cried, for 2 1/2 hours. i hate crying, but i will say it made me feel alot better. i got to cry on a friends shoulder with no questions asked. it cleared my head so much. i feel stronger.
i am the one all my friends usually come to when they need help, or just need to talk so i am always reciprecating that. it does take my pain away for a bit.
healing is a very hard mountain to get over...although i still cant see the top i know that i am getting close. all of his actions are making me heal. he doesnt know it, but the more stuff he does to try to hurt me, the more he pushes me away, and the better i am. he is still the same selfish, disrespectful man i know, and that will never change, kinda makes me feel sorry for him tho because he is gonna end up a very lonely person. its sad cause he can be a good guy, but the bad outweighs the good.
i have a notebook that i write in all the time. some are letters to him when he has really upset me and some are just words that i need to get out but dont know the right way to say them. that to me is very therapeutic.
i hope that your pain is healing. your words help me more than you probly know. thank you CB