[Little]

Well, one thing to be thankful for is no knock-down, drag-out divorce. Though that kind of robs you of your healing period - all of a sudden, BOOM, it's over. Don't forget that you're still healing from the loss of your relationship and take it easy on yourself.
Maybe treat yourself to something really nice now that you don't have the ex and her babies draining your bank account? Didn't you say you were planning a trip?

[SaharaJim]

Yes I was thinking of going to the Laughlin Nevada motorcycle rally. Not an "expensive trip" when it's just one person and I probably will just take a sleeping bag and crash "wherever". I think the longer proceeding would have given me more time to "adjust" to the idea...but just wham. file and five days later it's OVER. We had to wait over nine months to marry because she had to have a previous marraige annuled so that we could be married in the CHURCH. The formal Catholic Sacramental Marriage was very important to me at least. I just have a problem with that being "tossed aside" without even an effort to save it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sahara, I know that, that would hurt but pride more so, for all that you are.

So in that, do me a favour SEE WHO YOU ARE, this is good for you, go off on your bike and enjoy yourself and realise that, it wasn't you, it was that she wanted someone to live with but ultimately, the only love she was capable of giving was/is to her kids... You deserve better than that and you'll find it.

[SaharaJim]

good cop/bad cop? Now that's funny. I know I am just "feeling sorry for myself". But one thing about self-pity it's sincere! I will watch the weather and if it is anywhere near "decent" I will make the "run" to Laughlin. I don't know if I am ready to "let myself off the hook" as far as what happened. In AA we are taught that if someone "hurts" us "seemingly without provocation"; we have at some time made decisions based on "self" that put us in a position to be hurt. I was looking for a very serious relationship when I cast my net into the dating site. And when I thought I had "found it"....I turned "blind eye" to what should have been warning signs. Can you blame the meat saw if you put your had into it?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

She's clever, my little, Little... I also laughed when I saw what she did.......

No, but you can realise it, release it and know next time to look for the inner self of a person that is not self obsorbed

[Ashlee T.]

Can you blame the meat saw if you put your hand into it?

Haha....funny but true. You can't blame yourself for putting yourself out there though. I'm sure you weren't perfect...neither was she... and it didn't work. Most of the time it's as simple as that...even though in our minds we make it SO much more complex...because we believe that for everything there is a reason, and by gosh, we're gonna find it.

Everything you're feeling at this point is incredibly normal and expected. It's totally normal to "dream" that this didn't happen. But you're well grounded enough to realize that what you "dream" for and what is reality are two very different things in this instance.

And just keep reminding yourself, you were not happy with her. It wasn't JUST because of her kids. It was the whole package deal. And you weren't happy. Life is too short to let yourself live in unhappily. Soon enough, in your mind you'll thank her for leaving because if she hadn't, there's no telling how long you would've continued living in a very unhappy situation.

Now........sweet freedom. You are free to be as happy as you'll let yourself be.

[SaharaJim]

I went into an AA meeting last night; right now I'm doing two a day,not so much in fear of drinking as needing HALT (don't get Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired). Talked with a longstanding friend who has 24 years of sobriety. He again told me many of the things I've been told here; but like most alcoholics I need to keep hearing it. He also "reminded" me that I am "emotionally vunerable" right now and I NEED to stay out of any "relationship". He said that "some women" just sense the "wide open ripped up heart"and "move in on it". Seemed a bit "cynical" to me; even though I was saying something very similar on another thread. I guess i don't believe it is so much an "intentional act" as thinking that "helping now" could lead to something later. I guess I'm still pretty much a mess emotionally. The red freshwater pearl necklace and earrings I bought to give my wife on our five year anniversary along with the tickets booking a cruise for later in the year should be arriving in the next two days. At any given moment i have "plans" for the pearls. Take them out to my garage/work shop and smash them one at a time with a sledge Hammer on the anvil; sell/give them to a friend to give to his wife/girlfriend; or even mail them to my exwife with a note saying they were purchased for her and she should have them as an "early birthday present". Of course any of the three "changes" from moment to moment. I DO know I don't want them "around" anymore than I want pictures of my exwife on the wall. I really just don't know and my friend from AA says when you don't know what to do you should do nothing. And "good Catholic" that he and I are...he pointed out that we believe that a Sacramental Marriage is NOT dissolved; that in the "eyes of "God" we are still married and that with God "all things are possible". I REALLY wanted to drag him outside and "thump" him for that one. I REALLY hate hearing the truth sometimes...but in reality...I do believe that. So...now what? "when you don't know what to do- do nothing-except pray that God will guide you to to the next right thing". I don't like this..but I know I will survive. Thanks for giving me a place to .....vent?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think your heart is so big and that your mate is very wise.

I like his way of thinking, "when you don't know what to do, do nothing". I threw away my wedding dress last week, it had been in my cupboard up the top for 5 years, at this house and 7 at the other house. My those years have gone quick. It felt good, certainly I could have given it to Goodwill, but I didn't want anyone having bad luck if they wore it

Point being, it meant nothing to me. It just stayed there because. When we moved a week ago, that was my decision. Until something means nothing to you, do nothing...

I see it as talking amongst friends not venting

[SaharaJim]

Feeling a bit "low" this morning. My Jury Trial for today didn't "go". My client failed to show up. Court issued a bench warrant ...time stops on trial and when he is arrested and extradited off the reservation....we will do this all again...except the jail will bring him over.
As I have expected...my exwife did not "follow through" and send me my half of the tax return. I am sure she "needed" it and just "converted it to her own use" and intends to "pay it back" when she can. Under New Mexico law this is called "embezzelment" and it is a felony. I am not sure about how I feel about this. Just "blow it off"- cheap cost of divorcing?; Report the felony.she could be extradited back here..convicted and lose her nursing license because of the conviction on her record. She really can't "cover up " the offense. Bank records will show the taxes arriving at her bank and how the money was dispersed from her account and the Marital Settlement Agreement will prove it was "my" money. I don't want" to do that...but I really resent her just taking the money without so much as a " I'm sorry I need". What do you think?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

She left, took a new job, new home, requested money from you and jewelery, and then stole your money to set up home, without asking for help, what do I think? User, thinks you would be "too nice" to do anything about it.

What other options do you have, bring it to the table in settlement? By reducing what you were going to do? I would at least do that.