[DreamP346]

Did he used to do special things for you before you were married, had kids, etc?

Yes, but it was easier back then because he didn't work such long hours and we didn't have kids. When I made dinner, he would always complemented my cooking. Not any more. I have to fish for a complement. All I want is for him to say thanks for making dinner. BTW, I cook everything from stratch so I think I go deserver a pat on the back for that when it is so easy to make frozen dinners.

[KMonte85]

I just wanted to make sure... if he was doing it then, it shouldn't be THAT much harder to do it now. It's not like you're asking for extravagence. A "hey honey - that dinner was DELICIOUS!" shouldn't be any skin of his hind end.

I would try discussing it with him again... as calmly as possible of course. And explain to him just how important it is to you, so much so that you're contemplating marriage counseling to deal with it (which maybe you should?) because you're growing resentful and that can poison an otherwise great marriage. He needs to open his ears and hear you, and maybe a little shock will do the trick, followed by praise when he does what you want!

"Baby, that dinner was AWESOME! And you're such a great Mom to our kids."
"Honey you have no idea how much those words me to me. I love you so much!" *smooches*

Or something like that. Positive reinforcement lol

[Ashlee T.]

Yep...I just think you do too much and he has lost respect and appreciation. There's a good chance that because you felt like things needed to be done a certain way (it's a common trait in us gals... ) that instead of him conforming to your ways to please you, it was easier and less effort to just sit back and let you take over. Like "Well if I can't do it right I'm just gonna let her do it her way." What better way to get you to take on all the responsibility than to make you feel like he won't do things to your standards? So then you say "well it's just easier if I just do it myself..." and he sits back and thinks "she doesn't WANT me to do this stuff", all the while you're growing resentful because he's NOT doing those things. He stops making an effort and that carries over into other areas of your relationship. He looks at you in the motherly fashion .........and who gets taken advantage of with often little appreciation more than mothers do? NO ONE.

The giving him extra responsibility wasn't so much so you'd have the "you" time. That's a perk. But it's mainly so that HE gets the sense of partnership here... so that he has to be at home taking care of the kids while you are out doing something you enjoy rather than it being the other way around 100% of the time. No, getting a babysitter doesn't count. He needs to feel like he's a required part of this team. And he needs to understand that doing things wrong isn't going to get him out of doing them. But to SOME extent, you have to let him have the reigns a bit and not try to dictate how he handles things while you're gone. Increasing his sense of partnership in the marriage will increase your bond...and will likely increase his thoughtfulness towards you as he will view you more as a partner and not a mother.

I also think that sometimes writing a letter is the most effective way to get a message across when you've tried calmly talking about it and it doesn't work. It's kind of a way to pour your heart out...honestly and frankly. He can read it...adn then he can read it as many times as he wants to. He needs to know how unhappy this makes you and that as much as you love him and as wonderful as you two are together, you truly hate to see something like this destroy you. (Because inevitably....if it doesn't change...it will.) He needs to understand the severity of the situation...and that it's not just you "nagging".

[Julietpinkrose]

It can be frustrating when your partner doesn't full appreciate what you do. What you need is quality time together away from everyone, even if it's for a hour. Sometimes re-connecting really does help situations like this.

If that doesn't work, give him the responsibility that you have, if he is in your shoes for a day maybe he will have a better understanding of what you do and have a better appreciation