Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

BF took photo of 'random' woman, creepy or no?

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • BF took photo of 'random' woman, creepy or no?

    Hi, hope you don't mind me crashing your party, totally new here
    Didn't feel comfortable posting this on my regular message board where I know many people in real life (yes, that speaks volumes).
    Anyway, been with boyfriend for 5 yrs, I'm 49, he's 50. My son is 30, his children are 13 and 10.
    After 2 yrs of dating, I moved into his house, moved out a year later bc it just wasn't working for me (he is too messy, has kids every single weekend, they are nice kids and they are even polite and a joy to be around, but as weekends are my only time off, it just got to be too much work for me), so even though I moved out, we agreed to keep our relationship going.
    I've been mulling over the idea of buying a boat, so the other day, he takes out his Iphone to show me a photo of a boat for sale, and I noticed on his camera roll just before the photo of the boat what appeared to photos of a woman...didn't have my glasses on, so it wasn't real clear, and of course, he only had the camera roll opened for a moment before enlarging the photos of the boat.
    In any case, my stomach felt real funny about it.
    So, I looked on his phone (yes, I really did snoop) and there were three photos of a woman taken at the beach (he had recently been at the beach with his children).
    It's obvious from the photos that the woman did not know her photo was being taken.
    At first, I thought the photos were of his ex wife (it's not unreasonable to think that she would have joined them at the beach later in the day, they often still do things as a family, I'm cool with it, it works for them and the kids). She is considerably younger than him.
    Then I put my glasses on and realized that this probably wasn't his ex wife, she looked to be too young, and not quite the same features (but the photos were taken from a distance with some distortion).
    The woman was quite beautiful in a bikini, model material from what I saw.
    When I questioned him, I phrased it 'are those photos of your 'Sally'? He said no, I said, well who is it? And he said it was just a random photo.
    I was like...you took a random photo of some woman you don't know and who didn't know she was having her photo taken???
    Of course, he got defensive, but I gotta tell you...I felt like the foundation under my feet had just crumbled...have you ever had that feeling? Like omgosh, there is nothing here and there is no turning back?
    I basically told him I thought it was super creepy and I was not cool with it, so that he should just go home and give me some time to think...he did go away but came back later and I was more firm and told him that if wanted to talk about this creepy behavior, I would be fine, but if he didn't think there was anything wrong with it, he should go and I would call him when I was ready to deal with him.
    I told him he was sick and needed help.
    Yes, there have been issues in the past with porn/trolling online, even on FB for women, and often in the past inappropriate relationships/conversations etc with other women, but we had worked through all that, and I felt the past year has been good and he was being what I consider faithful, both in action and deed.
    So....creepy? Not creepy?
    Like...don't people get arrested for that?
    She wasn't underage, maybe 30's?
    But I was just floored.
    Any help/advice no matter how blunt truly appreciated....thanks.
    Last edited by hopefulwoman2; 07-07-2012, 05:11 AM.

  • Not creepy, at least from your description. Something is creepy if it causes fear or unease because it indicates the person may do harm. People have been looking at, painting and sculpting the likeness of, and taking pictures of other people as long as there have been people. It's not creepy - at least not necessarily. We're interesting to look at. It's not like he was invading her privacy - like outside her home looking through the window fogging up the glass. She was at a public beach. He didn't even try to hide it, it seems. If you found a wall in his house covered with her pictures with himself shopped into them, that would be creepy.

    What I'd like to know is why you think it's creepy. Is there soemthing about the picture or him that makes it so? You mention she was attractive. Why does that matter? Does it make you jealous.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

    Comment


    • Thanks...you've given me something to think about...maybe I'm creeped out for no reason? I'm not sure yet. Still need time to think about it.
      But personally, it does seem like an invasion of privacy to me because she obviously didn't give him permission to take her photo, and it's obvious by the photo that she was completely unaware of her photo being taken. It was not like he snapped a photo of the beach in general and she was in the photo...the photo was taken deliberately to capture her image. And, because of what she was doing in the photo, it's not like she was just lying there, I don't know how to explain this, my gut tells me he was probably watching her for quite a while and was choosing when exactly to snap a photo.
      I wouldn't consider myself jealous of her attractiveness, just noted it. I'm glad you brought that up though...cause it made me think...what if he took a photo of a woman who was not model material---would I still be creeped out? And the answer to that is yes. If I thought like I do about this...that he was very deliberate in exactly when he was going to take a photo...I know it's difficult to explain, but seriously, looking at the photos made me feel very weird.
      Perhaps I'm just a total prude or something, but I think taking a photo of someone without their knowledge is creepy, I mean fine when in a crowd and you happen to catch people in background or whatever, but gosh...these photos really looked so deliberate.
      And actually he did try to hide it, because after he showed me the photo of the boat, I asked to look at the other photos, i asked him to go back to main photo page and he said no, sorry I didn't mention that in my OP.
      I guess really what is most important is not what she looked like, cause my very first reaction to seeing the photo wasn't jealousy, it was more of a shivers up the spine kind of feeling...does that make sense?

      Comment


      • But so far...1 vote for not creepy
        I really appreciate your advice. ty.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by hopefulwoman2 View Post
          my very first reaction to seeing the photo wasn't jealousy, it was more of a shivers up the spine kind of feeling...does that make sense?
          Yes. The next step is to follow the creepy feeling through. We feel things first and process later. So process. Where does it lead? There's nothing illegal or inherently wrong with taking pictures in public, but it could indicate leanings toward something sinister. It probably requires more discussion with him to make a determination. I wouldn't let that feeling go unti you're comfortable. Maybe he's a dangerous person and your feeling is legitimate. Maybe he's harmless and some explanation would clear things up. It doesn't sound like you gave him a chance. What was the lady doing, anyway?
          "Those sowing seed with tears
          Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

          Comment


          • I've known the man 5 yrs, this isn't the first time he's done something that I thought was a little on the edge of decency so maybe that's playing a part.
            In one photo, she was adjusting her suit, in another photo she was putting on her sarong, and the third photo she was bending down to pick something up, her towel maybe.
            I do plan on talking to him more about it at some point, but want to get my feelings straight first, and he is spending time with his children this weekend so I don't want to interrupt that time with my feelings.
            Honestly though, I know how he is, he's not a very good communicator, I doubt I will get any answers or reassurance from him. It's gonna have to come from inside me I think.
            Last edited by hopefulwoman2; 07-07-2012, 08:17 AM.

            Comment


            • This is much less of a problem than him looking at porn. Also, it would be worse if it was a closeup as that would mean the subject was aware of him taking the picture and may have encouraged it. I think telling him he is sick was a bit over the top. He sounds like a normal man with a bit of a roving eye.
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              ...
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

              Comment


              • OK, so another vote for non creepy
                So it's normal for men to go around taking photos of women without their knowledge?
                Most men do that?
                OK. I'm still thinking about it.
                Clearly, my head is more into thinking it's creepy and I guess I need my eyes opened if it's not creepy.

                Comment


                • Okay..well 2 man votes...now here's for a woman's vote: Does what he did make him a creep? No, not by itself. But would I be bothered by it and would it give me a "ick" feeling? Absolutely. An no offense meant to JNS, but I don't believe it's really fair to say "he sounds like a normal man". Is that to say that "normal" men watch porn behind their SO's back, troll online for women, have inappropriate conversations with other women while in a committed relationship, take photos of strangers in bikini's so that he can most likely refer to them later for "viewing pleasure"? I guess if you're looking at it from the perspective of this was a one time odd ball kind of thing, then maybe. But all of it combined with someone I'd been with for 5 years.... I'd have a bit of an issue with it.

                  I'm also not sure it's fair to even bring jealousy up in this kind of situation. This is a woman who seems very understanding and tolerant. This is a woman who has caught her SO in what I consider to be unfaithful situations and has stuck around and tried very hard to work through that with him. I'd have a problem with my man taking photos of other women so he could slap the sausage to them later, regardless of what she looked like.

                  I also have an issue with the fact that this is a man you've dated 5 years, you seem very understanding and accommodating of his relationship with his ex to the point you'd have no issue with them having a beach day together..........................yet you've never met her and only vaguely even know what she looks like?

                  How often does this man tell you you're beautiful? How often does he truly make you feel appreciated and loved? Is he affectionate and loving with you (aside from when he wants sex)? I dunno..... I get the feeling you're with someone who takes advantage of your kind and understanding nature.

                  I believe we are ALL, (male AND female) instinctively interested in things we find attractive. We, as women, don't walk through this life and only find one man attractive and have no sexual interest for anyone else. We have urges. We have desires. But most of us are taught by society that we're naughty if we act on those things while in a relationship, that we are cheaters, that we are hussies. Would it be considered "normal" in a relationship with a woman if she did the things described above behind her SO's back? I don't think so. And I don't think "all men do it". I think we are living in times in which boys are taught that it's okay to act on their every sexual urge and desire and as a result, we often sadly see this kind of behavior as normal. Somewhere along the lines someone came up with the idea that it's "not cheating if you're not actually touching someone"....so suddenly things like porn, taking pics of random women, inappropriate discussions online are considered "okay". Nope.... not to this gal.
                  "Be what you're looking for."

                  Comment


                  • BD, it's like you are in my brain. I sincerely appreciate your response which is insightful and informative.
                    Now, I don't know if I'm liking your response simply because it's supporting my feelings or not, I'm trying to be really objective about this.

                    Just to clarify, I have met his wife...but I honestly haven't seen her in over a year. The reason for that is my choice and it's based on the fact that historically, his ex always has gotten into some ruckus or whatever with whoever he has dated over the years. So I keep my distance on purpose. Even though they have been divorced since their youngest child was just a baby, she actually seems to have some sort of attitude towards any woman in his life. She displayed it to me once and it was mild in comparison to what she's capable (as I've heard from him), so like I said, I deliberately keep my distance.
                    It just doesn't seem like it would do anyone any good to have me in her face, and while I realize that it's kind of giving in to her controlling behavior...I just don't want to be a part of it. I think it's best for the kids if I just stay away.

                    So when I first saw the photos, it was just as a passing glance, same build, same hair color kinda thing, so I just naturally assumed it was her, because my brain just didn't register that he would take photos of some other woman yet my gut felt funny.

                    He does frequently tell me I'm beautiful but as far as making feel loved and appreciated...well, if I dig deep I have to say not so much. Most of the time I feel like a convenience to him. Yes, he does things for me...mows the yard, often helps me out with things I may not be able to afford on my own, gets the oil changed in my car, he can be super sweet at times...in the morning, I have many bags to carry out to the car (laptop, purse, lunch tote which is huge cause I carry 3 20 oz bottles of water with me every day) and he always starts the car for me (on the mornings he is here and not at his house) and carries out my bags, if he's at my place when I get home from work, he again comes out to carry everything back in and open the door for me etc, but he's never given me a real piece of jewelry, never taken a vacation with me (other than once when we visited my family in Florida), doesn't take me to my favorite restaurants unless he specifically wants to go there too.
                    So he's really sweet...but then again, he's kind of a jerk.

                    Your first paragraph about it all being combined it pretty spot on. It's like he doesn't feel the need or desire to adhere to any kind of moral code at all, I can't trust him really, he is not one to tell the truth the first time I ask, that's been proven over and over again.

                    Again, thank you so much for taking the time to respond in such a respectful manner, I really appreciate it. And I think too that the fact that I have to come to some online site to ask about this rather than going to my friends (who all know much of our previous history) is very telling...it's like I'm feeling shameful.
                    And that is not cool. Cause I've really got nothing to be ashamed do I?

                    IDK, off to yoga... Thanks

                    Comment


                    • First I have to say normal is a wide classification. If it wasn't, how soon would we get into declaring abnormal something that one group or the other would say that the majority is being extremely biased or bigoted about. Live and let live.

                      One thing that posting here in WH has shown me is that an awful lot of men like porn as if the massive bucks porn sites pull in wasn't a clue. So much that the norm has shifted. What surprises me is the number of women who like porn and defend it. I never would have guessed that the norm had shifted that much in that direction. I think many guys don't even put two and two together to understand that many women don't like porn. So they have to be told what the limit is.

                      Trolling for women online and on fb should be an automatic no-no to most men in relationships, but some don't get it and have to be told.

                      Guys have been looking at women since the dawn of mankind (I wonder if it happens with other primates). I doubt it is going to change. There are some who don't or are smart enough to be discrete about it. If one isn't up to expectations, live with it, try to change it (guys usually don't change) or get rid of him. Tell him to only take photos of people he knows. If you really don't want him looking at any others you may have to redact any photos that may be to racy in the world around him like in newspapers, books, magazines, billboards, etc.

                      Just because a guy gets in a relationship doesn't mean he automatically gets his understanding of what is allowed and what is not reset. If he is smart, he may figure it out. If he is not, he might not.

                      I don't believe he is abnormal. He may not be the best person out there, but there are plenty of jerks.

                      If a girl liked porn and used it to get ready for fun with me, I would not have a problem with it. However if she was selfish or used it to belittle me, I would have a problem with it. Disclosure: I've never been with a woman heavily into porn. Disclosure: I am married for a long time.

                      If a girl spent her time trolling for men on online and on fb, I would allow her to do it full time, just not in a relationship with me unless we had came to some agreement beforehand.

                      If she took a very occasional picture or three of a hunk of a guy, I would not worry about it unless she went home with him. Then it would be like her trolling online unless we had came to some agreement beforehand.

                      But that is just me.
                      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                      ...
                      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                      Comment


                      • There are some red flags here, that being at least in your mind.

                        Your post starts off with taking about not living with him anymore, too much work, you enjoy your weekends and he's too messy...

                        It mentions the relationship has been in place for 5 years and that there were issues before, "in-appropriate relations". Emotional affair? Words only, back and forth with a woman or physical? .. You state you believe that you've worked through all of that at least for the last year it's been fine. But, then you point to the fact that you can not trust him, he almost always does not communicate or tell the truth.

                        Now, your guard is back up because you caught photos on his camera of a beautiful woman, who could be model material in positions sexually attractive, bending over, adjusting etc.

                        I do tend to think that if he watched porn and you've squashed that and he's honored that, then this to him is at least squashing his desire and passion to view beautiful woman, half naked, kind of a compromise in his thought method.

                        Creepy no. But, if that was me on the beach and I caught him, I'd think totally differently and I would call him a perv and I would not take it as a compliment.

                        But, it makes me wonder and possibly you too, that's one set of photos. Does he take more? Does he now masterbate to those photos instead of porn? Sorry, to put that out there. Is that wrong though? Having in-appropriate relations is that wrong when in a relationship?

                        We have in-deed discussed this many a time and my personal views are, if he is not getting anything for so long, and needs visuals, IDK.. I think I understand. But, if he is getting it and has those visuals right there in front of him, ie) a good sex life, then there is no need for it within a relationship.

                        You say that he is 50? His kids 10 and wife was younger... So he didn't really settle until his early 40's. Possiblility there is that's very late in life to understand what constitutes a marriage, a partnership of togetherness when you have spent nearly half of your life on your own doing what ever you want.

                        I think that should be considered as well. And, I think you also may be putting a wedge in it by not living together, how are you going to do so 5 more years down the track? How are you going to gain this full partnership of togetherness? I think that it's difficult to change someone most certainly and we are who we are, but discussions and communication and working out how to keep the house tidy, how to jointly work on it, how to make the kids respect the home, etc, and work at being a family is more important in the long run of having that "good" partnership..

                        Also being apart like this, keeps it boyfriend/girlfriend, that is what he was used to I would imagine for many years, even if he married his wife in his 30's.. It's a long time to be a batchelor.
                        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                        Comment


                        • Hi jns, thanks for responding again.
                          I will try to address each of your points made in your response with my feelings/thoughts, and I hope you know that I'm not trying to offend or discredit your point of view at all, at this point, I really appreciate your insight.

                          You are right about normal being a wide classification, what's normal for one person isn't normal for another in many areas. I don't believe I asked in my OP if his behavior was normal, I was really focusing on the fact that it felt like something that...well...if a girlfriend of mine told me she saw photos on her boyfriends/husbands phone of other women taken without their knowledge...I would in my head consider it creepy.
                          So, the fact that it's the man I've been in a relationship with for 5 yrs still makes it creepy to me. I was really concentrating on the creepy factor.
                          So far, no one who has responded thinks it's overly creepy, except for me. To me it says something about respect.
                          Just because a woman, whether it be me or that particular woman on my bf's phone is out and about in public in a bathing suit doesn't mean we are giving every man the right to take an image of our person to use later for whatever reason.
                          Fine, we might be subjecting ourselves to the glances or whatever from men, (as you say, "men have been looking at women since the dawn of mankind", yes we women realize that, we get it, or at least I do) but to take a photo of us without our knowledge for personal use seems like clearly disrespectful to me and speaks volumes about the character of the man doing the photo taking.
                          It's like he has no respect for boundaries, for clearly...we women should not have to worry about having our photos taken without our knowledge? It just seems a step above using the camera phone to snap a photo from under a bathroom stall to me.
                          I would feel the same way about a woman taking photos of a man without his knowledge also. Just not right. Creepy. Disrespectful.
                          If one of gf's said, hey, look at this guy I saw on the beach and showed me a photo that was clearly designed to have only him in the photo I would reconsider my friendship with her.

                          I know I mentioned porn in my OP bc it has been an issue with him in the past, and this is my point of view:
                          if your girlfriend is basing part of her continued relationship with you on non or minimal use of porn (there are already excellent posts about this subject on this forum, so I'm not trying to turn this into a 'porn is good' or 'porn is evil' thread, although my personal opinion leans toward the latter as I feel porn is dehumanizing, contributes significantly to human sex trafficking, disables viewers to have healthy relationships, on and on, you get the picture I'm sure), but anyway, if a girlfriend has established that she prefers only to share her life, her time, her faithfulness, commitment and her love with men who do not have porn issues and has specified non or minimal use of porn, and a boyfriend uses porn more than minimally behind her back, then that boyfriend is not being honest in his relationship and is showing disrespect to the basic foundations of that relationship.

                          As far as the trolling online...I got a bit lost in what you said so I don't know how to respond to that.

                          I have made my feelings and thoughts of what's acceptable behavior and what's not very clear, understanding, that nobody is perfect and not expecting him to live with blinders on by any means, (he often hangs out with his ex wife and other women that he is friends with, I've no problem with it at all, as long as I'm aware of it, and if his head turns when a woman walks by I don't feel that is completely disrespectful at all) and giving him the option that if those aren't terms he feels comfortable with, then ending the relationship should be the course of action. But the fact that he continually violates those terms basically tells me he is not really as committed as he claims to be...does that make sense?

                          Anyway, I'm still feeling the creep factor with the whole photo thing...sorry I'm writing such long posts....and I appreciate being able to do so here, it's therapeutic in a way.

                          Comment


                          • Hi Chandler, thanks for your advice and response



                            In any case..yes, living not with him has been one of my concerns in our relationship. I forgot to mention that in addition to working, I have been very slowly taking classes online to further my degree, (ok...at this rate...it's going to take me 3 or 4 more years to actually obtain that dang Bachelors...but I'm just gonna keep plugging away at it one or two classes at a time) so my free time is very limited. I started to feel resentful living far away from my friends and interests (he lives in the boonies, no coffee shops, no mall, no yoga studios, no gym, etc), and yes, I did move out about 2 months after he had what I consider an emotional affair (the woman was kinda crazy and at one point called me to tell me that I was a S--- and I was getting in the way of their relationship). Ok...big red flag right? (wondering if I"m completely dense here).
                            Anyway, our general conversations have leaned more toward him putting his house for sale within the next year or two, and buying one closer to where I currently live, which would also make things more convenient for him to see his children, and at that point, I would be almost done with my classes, and the children older, requiring less care (able to make own breakfasts etc) but still needing parental oversight, and that I would be willing to compromise with his messiness and the children if our relationship was strong and secure.

                            (I think it's important to note that according to him, his friends, his family, and from my own observance...well...I'm kind of the opposite of women he normally gets involved with...i don't have anger or psych issues for example)

                            Have to admit that I 'm baffled by one thing you said. I don't understand why you would think a man taking your photo without your knowledge would be perv-like if you caught him, and yet you don't think it's pervy (is that a word) for a man to have done it? Perv=creep to me

                            And yes, it does make me wonder if he takes more....or was this the beginning of some new obsession (he tends towards obsessions).
                            As far as it being inappropriate within a relationship...I don't think or feel that a man masturbating to images while in a relationship is completely inappropriate...unless it's being hidden, and quite frankly, yes, how those images are obtained is a bit of an issue for me....click of a mouse? ok...I can understand that...but to actually stalk women on a beach, snap their photo and then masturbate to it? Creepy.
                            So no...you weren't throwing anything out there that I hadn't already considered...cause that's pretty much where I was thinking that the use of photos would go.

                            I guess I should mention that sex is usually a non-issue for us...up until a few weeks ago we enjoyed a very active, loving, playful sexual relationship. And then it started turning....nothing I can quite put my finger on....we've been together long enough to enjoy some non-vanilla activities at times, and that hasn't changed except for the frequency and intensity, and rather than it feeling like a loving, sharing, exploring act...it started to make me feel distanced and as is he was not really there in the same way. I'm sorry I'm not always so good with words, especially in my somewhat emotional state here...I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

                            And I also agree that he was a bachelor for a long time, he didn't get married until many years after he quit being an active alcoholic (no AA, he just replaced it with use of marijuana, use of which has increased the past 6 months and around the time of this incident, he had been out of supply for a while, I'm not sure if that plays a role or not, I'm still absorbing the whole thing). I have my own theory on his long time bachelorhood and a contributing factor to his alcohol abuse was because he was sexually abused as a child, an issue he has never rec'd any counseling for. My, even as I type all this...I realize this is a whole truckload of stuff going on.
                            Last edited by hopefulwoman2; 07-07-2012, 04:20 PM.

                            Comment


                            • Just looking deeper into this, as I think really you are wanting alot of answers, not just the photo situation, given your replies And, welcome to WH by the way.

                              So, let's look at this. You are 49, (my age ) And, you were 44 at the time, 45for him. You were a young Mother, at 19 and he was an old Father, at 34ish.. That in itself says, you've done the kid thing all your life, it's understandable at our age that a child that at least is a young teenager is easier and probably what we prefer. My Step-daughter was 11, now 14 and we laugh alot, it's all good. It would be hard as now you have your life, career options still, personal space..

                              If you are heading for courses and batchelor degrees, go for it. At 40 I achieved mine for business, we are not that old and we should never allow another person to stop us from who we want to become and who we are.. And, it seems that you won't. Not-with-standing though if you consider what I've written, this guy was not suited just on that note.

                              But, now we add in, that he was used to abusive relationships and was abused as a child physically but never got councelling on it. That he still feels probably worthless as he engaged in porn and some 'non-vanilla' with you, and therefore has a very hard time showing emotions, love, proper intimacy... I can almost see you at 44, going "awee poor thing" and wanting to save him.. Yes? When in lust and at our age, a guy gives his "baggage" as whoa's and it's not his fault, we do take on that Mother instinct. Yet you are independent as well which is a great thing it means if this ends at some stage, you will survive.

                              I should maybe take that back regarding perv/creep. It is perving, it is taking photos in positions that he likes to view. I'm gaging you are feeling the non-love sexually at the moment and just "sex".. A perv is a creep, creepy? I don't know I see that as dangerous..

                              I think if you feel that sexually it's distant and not quite there and you feel that it's sex, not with you, rather just sex then your gut feeling is right and it could be all those feelings are right.. The pictures, what they really mean etc and I know you know what I mean.

                              The fact he was an alcoholic and didn't seek help, he was abused and didn't seek councelling, you have laid some laws down and he's probably swapped them so he shows some respect but I am imagining still, he can not enter into a loving relationship. He can not change his ways. He did not feel love now that's evident, he felt abused and so he abuses himself.. He's not strong, you are.

                              I don't know what this outcome is going to be but 5 years later, he is really not at all what you hoped for. He is a lost soul that you can't really help change hun.

                              He has to want to do it for himself.

                              Dope IDK, it's a replacement of alcohol really, it's still a drug that numbs you into not thinking. And, if he doesn't have to think, then he doesn't have to remember.

                              Does he work? What is he like with the kids? If he's doing drugs, he wouldn't want to clean the house

                              What do you really want out of a partner. What do you deserve . Is this really the happy ever after? Or are you just as your name suggests "hoping ".. You're not too old, I'm engaged Older guys get where they stuffed up in life, as long as there is no baggage that you can't jump over.
                              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                              Comment

                              or

                              Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                              Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                              Latest Activity On Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Latest Topics On Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              • Are you energized after sex? Or ready to sleep?

                                We were talking one day about the timing of sex. He is charged up and energized following sex, and I'm super relaxed and usually want to sleep. We're...

                                Yesterday, 04:58 AM By atskitty2
                              • Letting a friendship fade away

                                Over the past few years, the tone of a friendship of mine has changed. We have a mutual friend, and last week, we finally had an honest chat about how...

                                08-30-2020, 07:41 AM By atskitty2
                              • When to call it quits?

                                It's sometimes difficult to know when to end a romantic relationship, and for what reasons. Dating can be a challenge, and finding someone worth investigating...

                                08-30-2020, 07:14 AM By atskitty2
                              Working...
                              X