[LadyLane]

Kaylar -

In the movie Brokedown Palace, the opposite happens. A bloke gets involved with two best friends travelling in Thailand, seduces each of the separately, asks them to go to another country for the weekend with him for free, and they unknowingly bring drugs into the airport. The other girls he's already seduced are also in line at the airport, and they get through, but the two American girls get nabbed and thrown in prison.

I think anyone who makes a person feel like "somebody" - male or female, can easily manipulate them.

Sometimes the "other woman" is hearing how her boyfriend is legally separated, sleeping in another bedroom, hardly interacts with his wife, etc. to gain the sympathy and bodily access of said "other woman," when quite the opposite is true. My husband's ex-best friend did this to his "other woman" when none of it were true. I could never hate the girl he had an affair with (it felt unloyal to my friend, but I couldn't help it) because as P.T. Barnum said, "There's a sucker born every minute." She believed everything he said because he made for a very believable and sympathetic handsome wealthy guy. He was looking for a way out of his marriage and at home was keeping up all appearances to his wife, who was home with an infant and another on the way.

He caused a lot of heartache and financial problems for both women - he refused to give either up while telling each the other was out of his life - he's basically broke and living with mommy now, with neither his wife or girlfriend, but not before trying hard to get one or the other back.

[kaylar]

I think anyone who makes a person feel like "somebody" - male or female, can easily manipulate them.


Precisely, Ladylane.

It has always been my belief that if you need someone else to
make you feel like 'Somebody' you have sold yourself into slavery.

Many people have extremely low self-images. Just as those
who have inferiority complexes try to put on a 'superiority'
complex, the gal who feels 'I ain't much', is the born prey
for the cheating husband.

He knows that by making her feel 'like somebody' she will
become full of her greatness at being able to get another
woman's husband into bed.

I'm better than Wife! I got her man!!!!!



I could never hate the girl he had an affair with (it felt unloyal to my friend, but I couldn't help it) because as P.T. Barnum said, "There's a sucker born every minute." She believed everything he said because he made for a very believable and sympathetic handsome wealthy guy.


I agree with you, it is very hard to hate them, I've even known
some wives who feel so sorry for the s tupid girl.

But face it, one has to be s tupid to get involved with a married
man. If his marriage was over, he would have left his wife.

It just goes to reason, it's like saying 'I don't work for Dell
anymore,' yet M - F you see the person going to work at Dell.

Married men have the advantage. They know there are thousands
of pathetic losers out there who would virtually kill for the chance
of being treated like 'Someone' even for a Cinderella night.

All they have to do is repeat the lines, and the Loser will fall for
it, and then have a vested interest in maintaining the fascade.

Once the married man gets the fool to buy into his lies, she
will perpetuate them.

"I can't divorce her because she'll have a nervous breakdown".

Say it in 1997, need never say it again.
Fool will maintain that as grail.
Even if the wife is elected to Parliament, or the
CEO of a major company, she'll believe it.

"Our marriage has been over for years,"

Say it in 2000, never say it again.
Fool will maintain it as grail.
Even if wife has a baby, or Mr. & Mrs go away
for two weeks on a cruise, she'll believe it.

The women who get through adultery like this without
heartbreak is the **** whose in it for the money, and
the wife who long ago withdrew her affection and only
keeps him around as long as he doesn't encroach on
her life.

Those who are 'in love' with him, those are the ones
who suffer.

[C]

I only recently found out about the Affair that my husband could have had. I NEVER realized all the women that were coming on to him all these years. Through this revelation and how close it came I have gained an insight on life and myself that I never knew. This revelation just tore me apart. I was lucky....

[kaylar]

Don't think of it like that.
Go back to primary school.
Imagine you had a best friend, we'll call
her Anita.

You go up to Junior High, and a bunch of
'cool' girls invite you to a party, but not
Anita.

Now, do you take up with those 'cool' girls
and dump Anita? Or do you decline the
invite and spend that evening with Anita?

Depends, you might say on how important
Anita is to you.

If she's your really best friend, well then there's
no contest. You don't go. Maybe for 1 second
you imagine it, but the idea of trading Anita, with
whom you've shared your 'whole' life with these
new people, is just not on.

The same thing with a marriage.

Do you dump your wife who you have been with
all this time for these new people?

The idea of a whole different set of rule being
applied to marriage contra friendship has gotten
us into a kind of mess.

We forget the basic loyalty we have to our friends
when there's a sexual overtone, when the sexual
overtone should be no more important than 'cool'
is to the new girls.

I am loyal to my friends. In fact, in 99% of all
cases, they die. That is how our friendship 'ends'
although you'd be surprised how often, even after
years I will think, "I have to tell this to Lily!" forgetting.

It's the same thing with a marriage.
Sure you go and you see someone really nice
and then you go home. You don't jeopardise your
relationship over a 'whatif' 'maybe'

[LadyLane]

Not to mention that the fantasy never matches up to the reality - if at all, only in the very beginning.

[kaylar]

I think people who let themselves be manipulated will be
manipulated. The gal who runs down the guy and he's
too much of a gentlemen to push her away...come on..
if he found her annoying, he would.

A lot of men are so overwhelmed by some female
running them down they don't begin to realise there
is a secret agenda.

Women can be very cruel to other women.

[C]

Women were born to be cruel to each other. But only in the way of sex and love. Here we are like the alley cat. We are in the jungle and we are in heat. We fight for the right to mate and we use all our ways of the world to get what we want. And once we have tasted that good life and found out what a woman truly is, we get better. For then we have learned what the reward is and truly experienced the heaven of our awakening. We know sexual bliss and always want more.....and more...

[kaylar]

I don't buy into that.

I think American or Western women might be
socialised to see other women as threats and
to make no bond with their sisters, which of
course has allowed them to be exploited and
used.

Outside of the western paradigm you will find
women helping other women because they
see themselves in the same oppressed position.

Where polygamy is practised, the wives have to
get along. The senior wife treats the junior as
kind of big daughter, and the co wife reciprocates.

The more western my society becomes the less
women help each other.

When I was first called to the bar, female
attorneys flocked to bring me into their cases,
introduce me to the judges and other seniors
so we did not 'fight' against each other.

Recently, fresh out of law school lawyer girls
go out of their way to be obnoxious and make
everything a war.

I think there is a serious undermining going on
which I've noticed in the black american community,
esp. with the anti-woman lyrics and behaviour of
the black male rappers, and the image of black
woman on television and in the movies.

[C]

Women can be wonderful companions to each other but they are not to be trusted in many cases with another woman's man. They will help each other and nuture each other but passion and love is another thing.

[C]

Kaylar you are a lawyer. I would say retired. Just curious how old are you...