[stupidkaren]

Last night while making love the phone rand and mu husband said out loud - (not on the phone) leave me alone I am making love to my "dau" wife. I assumed he was going to say daughter. I confronted him about possibly fantasizing about her and he went crazy. Said I imagined him saying that. He slept in the guest room last night. Haven't heard from him today. Don't know what to think. I know he looks at porn on his computer at work and I am okay with that but to be fantasizing about his adult daughter is bothering me.

[rcoreyus]

It may not have been a fantasy at all - sometimes people just have brain glitches. Has he said or done anything else to suggest that he has fantasies about his daughter? I know I once introduced my sister to someone using my wife's name - nothing deep or secret going on, just a brain misfire.

[stupidkaren]

Some of the porn he looked at were about incest also sites of young and "old" ladies

[Little]

He probably feels just as weirded out about the slip of the tongue he made as you do.

In the rare case that he does fantasize about her or anybody else, he probably won't admit it.

[stupidkaren]

True, but what do I do now. I feel betrayed, he is a good husband overall. I am sure he is still ****ed, and I will not be the one to apologize.

[stupidkaren]

Also, I would not care if he was fantasizing about someone unattainable. This is just freaking me out.

[Little]

Imagine yourself in his (presumably innocent) shoes - would you want him to apologize? Or maybe just drop the subject? If you really don't want to apologize, though I don't really understand why not, agreeing not to bring it up again might be a good start.

[stupidkaren]

I don't want to apologize because I feel I did nothing wrong. But to agree not to bring it up again makes sense. Am I making too much of this?

[rcoreyus]

I honestly don't think he did anything. Most likely it was an innocent slip of the tongue. Even if he was fantasizing about his daughter, I feel that fantasies are very private things as long as there is not intent to act on them. I expect a lot of people have fantasies that they would never want to act out in real life ( for example many women have rape fantasies - that absolutely doesn't mean that they really want to be raped).

You seem to be OK with his watching porn. You say that some were incest sites, some old ladies, some young. Sounds like he watches a variety of porn, and isn't single-mindedly attached to only only one type of image.

Incest is one of the few really great sexual taboos left in our society - pretty much the only sexual activity between consenting adults that is almost universally deplored. Seems very strange to me - children form an incestuous relationship have serious genetic issues, but if there is not intent to have children, I don't see the big deal - seems no different from a variety of "forbidden" fantasies.

[stupidkaren]

I don't understand what you mean by no intent to have children. This is his daughter from a previous marriage.