[season1980]

My husband likes to photograph nude female models. I knew this when I met him. But as we are going through a divorce, I only then started going through his stuff. He left three hard drives behind. He has 2 TB of porn, a lot of it is hardcore, fetish, teen, bdsm, and etc. (Who really needs that much porn?) But the kicker was that he had many photos of naked children, from toddler to adolescence.

The police were called and they searched the drives for child pornography. At least in the state of Minnesota, photos of naked children are only considered child porn if the children are actually involved in sexual activities with other children or with adults. I'm sorry, but I believe that anyone having naked photos of anyone's children is wrong. Sick and wrong.

My aunt sent me an article about men downloading child porn, from 2008. In the article, one of the guys who downloaded porn built computers for a living. My husband works at a computer place, builds computers too, and is a photographer. So I'm starting to theorize that maybe these guys who download these images take computer jobs for a living, so that they have easier access, and have an excuse of why they hide behind a computer for all hours of the day. So my question is, for those of you who have a husband/partner who downloads either naked photos of children or actual child porn, what does your husband do for a living?

I've been thinking about writing an article on this to warn other women, giving them signs to look for if they think that their own husband/partner is looking at naked children or child porn. Because if I would have known about this sooner, there's no way heck I would have married him. Also, he has taken photos of our own child naked, but I've been told that that's okay too.

[Harmony]

I really am sorry to hear about your situation, but I think this post consists of irrational and potentially misdirected anger.

This prejudicial attitude in society that men seem to be responsible for all sexual abuse is actually PROTECTING the women who abuse by diverting attention away from them and onto men.

They should just arrest every man who works with computers, what an excellent idea. We should all pay for what your husband has done. And even if you can't prove I'm a pedophile, I have a penis so that makes me a potential rapist at least.

You're really not going to like the next bit either, since people who have been abused are more likely to go on and abuse (continuing the cycle) shouldn't they be your prime suspects? Think about it.

Look at what I highlighted, mothers should be targeted next should they? They must have children so they can abuse them. Did you find that offensive? Good, you offended me.

If you want to protect children a good start would be to do some research will will inform you that not all perpetrators of sexual abuse are male. Rape is a gender specific, crime (at least in the UK), yes, with gender neutral victims (male or female).



Gender-blindness on child sexual abuse
The myth that sexual abuse is rarely committed by women is sadly contradicted as more boys are calling ChildLine to report it

Esther Rantzen
guardian.co.uk, Monday 9 November 2009 15.04 GMT
Jump to comments (134)
It is always particularly shocking when a woman abuses a child. Myra Hindley, Baby Peter's mother Tracey Connelly and now the Plymouth nursery assistant Vanessa George, inspired a very special horror. We hope that women have a natural maternal instinct to protect and nurture all children, but alas, in some cases, that instinct is perverted into terrible cruelty.

The figures released by ChildLine demonstrate that sexual abuse by women is not nearly as rare as we would hope. There has been a dramatic rise in the number of women reported by child callers to ChildLine as abusers. This rise is partly due to the fact that many more boys are ringing us.

When we opened our lines 23 years ago, four times more girls than boys called the helpline. So we specifically targeted boys, hoping to reassure them that it was not a sign of weakness to ask for help with a difficult or painful problem. We knew that the imbalance could not be explained by the fact that boys encountered fewer problems than girls. Suicide is the biggest single cause of death for boys in their late teens and early 20s, even outnumbering deaths in road accidents.

So ChildLine counsellors believed that far too many boys and young men were reluctant to disclose a problem until it became so overwhelming that they felt life was not worth living. That is why we have focused on boys – with so much success that the number counselled has reached an all-time high of more than 58,000.

Last year, more than half the boys who rang disclosing sexual abuse reported that they had been abused by women. The most common female perpetrator – in almost 1,000 cases – was the boy's mother. Among the boys who reported being sexually abused by a man (almost the same number of callers), the most common perpetrator was the father – again, in about 1,000 incidents. Both shocking statistics.

How can we help these children? Certainly not by refusing to discuss the problem in the hope that it will disappear.

Many elderly people have told me that the taboos surrounding this subject had imprisoned them in silence as children and prevented them asking for help. We know that sexual abuse can cause life-long damage if children are never able to disclose their suffering, so they are never protected and made safe. Which is why it is crucial that children are aware of ChildLine's number (0800 1111) and know that it is free, confidential and does not show up on phone bills. And why it matters so much that all those who work with children and who come into daily contact with them ensure that they have access to the helpline or can make contact online. There is no other way that a child, isolated and desperate, can ask for help.

Sexual abuse has been described as an attack on a child's soul. ChildLine can be the only lifeline within their reach.

[season1980]

Wow, you need to take a breath and think about what was written instead of just attacking.

No, I wasn't offended by what you said. But since you aren't a wife or girlfriend of someone who downloaded these type of images, your post can just be ignored. Also, from your response, you didn't read what I wrote anyway, as you wrote on a different topic.

At least in the USA, 94% of pedophiles are men. According to a 2005 NCMEC study, they "found that almost all of those arrested for possessing child porn were men; 91 percent were white, and 86 percent were older than 25...."

Considering how you responded, your mother must had done something horrible to you. For that, I'm sorry. I hope that you can find peace.

[BabyGirl]

I really am sorry to hear about your situation, but I think this post consists of irrational and potentially misdirected anger.

I see no irrationality in her Post. She is a Mother, she has Children, Her anger is directed ,Not because he is a Man, but because Adults Should not be looking at Naked Children and being Sexually turned on by it .

This prejudicial attitude in society that men seem to be responsible for all sexual abuse is actually PROTECTING the women who abuse by diverting attention away from them and onto men.

Nowhere did she say that Men are responsible for All Sexual Abuse. She was only talking about Her Ex Hubby, what she found and some " Research " about Child Porn, she said Nothing about her EX Abusing any Child. Just having Photo's, even some of their own Children .

[They should just arrest every man who works with computers, what an excellent idea. We should all pay for what your husband has done. And even if you can't prove I'm a pedophile, I have a penis so that makes me a potential rapist at least.

The Article was written by someone who researched actual facts,this poster was just posting a Theory.

She with her Theory is just trying to help other Parents, be aware of a Possibility
Her Statement .

I've been thinking about writing an article on this to warn other women, giving them signs to look for if they think that their own husband/partner is looking at naked children or child porn.

She used the He and Men, because she is Female and reacts like one . If it had been a Male that posted, would you have reacted so Negatively ?
Sometimes people tend to Generalize with saying Him/ He/ Men, But they can also say She/Her/ Woman .

Your Statement of

And even if you can't prove I'm a pedophile, I have a penis so that makes me a potential rapist at least.

Are you saying you are a Pedophile and we can't prove it ?
If you have a Penis, yes you could be a Potential Rapist .. If your Morals are Lacking and you haven't the Desire for Love, only having sex .. Then Sure you could be .. Potentially .

But then Every Woman with a Vagina is a Potential Rape Victim ?

When and If you ever have Children, Harmony.
Think ahead if you will think it's OK for any Adult to View Your Naked Child and and Masturbate or Lust after Innocent Children ?

For some reason you really Overreacted on this one. Usually your posts are very Supportive. But this one was out in Left Field and I'm sure it was a Foul Ball ,not a Home Run .

Try taking away the word MAN/MEN and focus on the Words CHILD PORN !!!

[jns]

My aunt sent me an article about men downloading child porn, from 2008. In the article, one of the guys who downloaded porn built computers for a living. My husband works at a computer place, builds computers too, and is a photographer. So I'm starting to theorize that maybe these guys who download these images take computer jobs for a living, so that they have easier access, and have an excuse of why they hide behind a computer for all hours of the day. So my question is, for those of you who have a husband/partner who downloads either naked photos of children or actual child porn, what does your husband do for a living?

At least in the USA, 94% of pedophiles are men. According to a 2005 NCMEC study, they "found that almost all of those arrested for possessing child porn were men; 91 percent were white, and 86 percent were older than 25...."

According to the NCMEC study, the majority (65%) of arrested CP (child pornography) possessors were using basic home computers. This doesn't sound like the people that take computer jobs. All of these studies are dated. The internet and computers have changed a lot since then.

Is the 94% the percentage of those arrested for pedophilia or those who have been identified as pedophiles, or what? Does that include the 21 year old with the 17 year old SO? What standards are being used?

[Stillness]

I don't have any children myself, but I have young nieces, nephews, cousins, and friends. This is an curious question that I had never considered. Have you seen any trends by doing any research or asking this question elsewhere or is it just a hunch based on your own experience?

Just reading the study you cited was informative. There didn't seem to be a particular type other than "white male." In fact, in regards to computer savvy it seemed that the offenders tended to be unsophisticated. And most of them were looking at pornography at home on basic computers (as jns mentioned) rather than at work or on higher end machines. There was a mention of obsession with the internet, but that does not equate to computer skills or a computer job. Maybe the ones who are good don't get caught? That was my first thought. Or maybe there just is no pattern there. I think there's a danger prejudging people based off of legitimate employment - as in, "good with computers = child molester." Two people does not equal a trend. But if a number of factors lined up, maybe it could help people be wary of a type. Please do let us know if you have anything or come up with anything more. I, for one, would be very interested to hear it.

[Harmony]

Wow, you need to take a breath and think about what was written instead of just attacking.

No, I wasn't offended by what you said. But since you aren't a wife or girlfriend of someone who downloaded these type of images, your post can just be ignored. Also, from your response, you didn't read what I wrote anyway, as you wrote on a different topic.

At least in the USA, 94% of pedophiles are men. According to a 2005 NCMEC study, they "found that almost all of those arrested for possessing child porn were men; 91 percent were white, and 86 percent were older than 25...."

Considering how you responded, your mother must had done something horrible to you. For that, I'm sorry. I hope that you can find peace.

Suggesting it was my father would have better supported your hypothesis, but my mother did work with computers so what did you expect?

[Harmony]

I know the statistics I posted made for uncomfortable reading which probably explains why they've not been acknowledged.

At least in the USA, 94% of pedophiles are men. According to a 2005 NCMEC study, they "found that almost all of those arrested for possessing child porn were men; 91 percent were white, and 86 percent were older than 25...."


This doesn't mean female pedophiles don't exist, it means they're not being caught.

[Harmony]

I see no irrationality in her Post. She is a Mother, she has Children, Her anger is directed ,Not because he is a Man, but because Adults Should not be looking at Naked Children and being Sexually turned on by it .



Nowhere did she say that Men are responsible for All Sexual Abuse. She was only talking about Her Ex Hubby, what she found and some " Research " about Child Porn, she said Nothing about her EX Abusing any Child. Just having Photo's, even some of their own Children .



The Article was written by someone who researched actual facts,this poster was just posting a Theory.

She with her Theory is just trying to help other Parents, be aware of a Possibility
Her Statement .


She used the He and Men, because she is Female and reacts like one . If it had been a Male that posted, would you have reacted so Negatively ?
Sometimes people tend to Generalize with saying Him/ He/ Men, But they can also say She/Her/ Woman .

Your Statement of


Are you saying you are a Pedophile and we can't prove it ?
If you have a Penis, yes you could be a Potential Rapist .. If your Morals are Lacking and you haven't the Desire for Love, only having sex .. Then Sure you could be .. Potentially .

But then Every Woman with a Vagina is a Potential Rape Victim ?

When and If you ever have Children, Harmony.
Think ahead if you will think it's OK for any Adult to View Your Naked Child and and Masturbate or Lust after Innocent Children ?

For some reason you really Overreacted on this one. Usually your posts are very Supportive. But this one was out in Left Field and I'm sure it was a Foul Ball ,not a Home Run .

Try taking away the word MAN/MEN and focus on the Words CHILD PORN !!!

Of course I'm not saying I'm pedophile and you can;t prove it, but I'm offended that the OP thinks it's reasonable to start drawing inferences that men who work with computers could reasonably be expected to be pedophiles. Much of what I wrote was hyperbole.

I know that men who work with children are already viewed with much skepticism and while children need to be protected this is gender discrimination and makes life harder for the many men who have a sincere interest in helping and supporting children. But now targeting suspicion towards men (and men only) who work with computers? Is this for real?

What comes next isn't going to make for comfortable reading.

I like you BabayGirl but I'm going to create a hypothetical example to make my point here, so please don't take this personally.

Making accusations based on presumptive and speculative gymnastics is a serious matter and can have dire effects on people.

Which is why I've taken such offense at the OP's post.

So I'm starting to theorize that maybe these guys who download these images take computer jobs for a living

So my question is, for those of you who have a husband/partner who downloads either naked photos of children or actual child porn, what does your husband do for a living?

Say the OP publishes this article. After all, her husband works on computers and he's a pedophile. Say people conclude that is is fair, just and reasonable to think that all pedophiles are men (no one has acknowledged the statistics from child-line yet, maybe female pedophiles only exist in the UK?) and that men who work on computers may well be pedophiles.

Say your son has a job that involves working on computers, both from an office and from home.

Someone reads this article and thinks it's fair to draw an inference he could quite possibly be a pedophile because he works on computers.
After all, pedophiles like children, and when they can't access 'real' children they resort to the internet. They've never seen him with a woman and conclude that, based on his job, gender, and personal life, in the interests of protecting children he should be investigated.

So they call the police, or make an anonymous call to his employer. Either way, they don;t have to account for, or deal with the consequences and aftermath.

Either way the police find out.

Because he's a man, and because he works on computers, it's reasonable to make this assumption.

The police will arrest him, maybe at work, and in front of his colleagues. And they will take his work computer and his personal computer.

All his colleagues will know and his friends will find out.

He'll probably be suspended from work, and will not legally be allowed to unsupervised around under 18 year olds, including members of his family.

He'll find out who his real friends are.

Some will avoid him.

Some will believe him.

People wont be able to help wonder if there really ever is smoke without fire.

The police will delve into his background and his personal life. They'll ask you

He'll admit (probably) he's a virgin who's never had a GF and while there's nothing wrong with this adverse assumptions about him will be made.

His work colleagues will wonder why he's never had a GF and will wonder if it is easier to avoid him in case people think they are somehow involved with him and their won reputations will be tarnished by association.

When his PC comes back clean if his employers haven't sacked him he'll have to face all of his colleagues and hope they haven't shunned him.

He will have a permanent note on his police record that an allegation of being a pedophile was made against him.

Which will appear every time a prospective employer checks hi out.

he'll never get a job working around children. Ever.

His chances of getting a GF will be greatly diminished and people will talk.

He'll need to hope, pray, and rely on his good standing in the community and the reputation he had prior (which I'm sure he has) for people to believe that he didn't do anything.

the easiest thing for people to do will be to avoid him, 'just in case'.






If the same thing happened to me, people would draw inferences from the fact I've defended men accused of doing things like this and wonder why? Was I trying to hide something? Did I take offense because I'm 'one of them'?'

I'm offended because I wouldn't want something like this to happen to your son based purely on his gender and his job.

Unsubstantiated accusations based on faulty logic and speculative reasoning ruin lives.

I (respectfully) used your son as an example to bring the point home that people who face totally unsubstantiated accusations like this are REAL people trying to get on with their lives, who have loved ones and families.

They are yours/ours/ sons, brothers, and husbands. NOT an evil alien species.

I'm the first to say that measures need to be put in place to protect children, but innocent, everyday men (and only men) shouldn't have to face being branded with an accusation based on their job and gender.

[Claret]

I fully agree with everything you've stated here Harmony. All of that plus the fact that in Canada and the United States, UK etc. etc. there is a presumption of innocence until "PROVEN" guilty. That means that the accuser knows beyond a reasonable doubt that certain facts are true. There has to be links of facts that when put together would and could only lead to one conclusion -- guilty. What are the facts here other than the person liking or working on a computer for great periods of time?
To the original poster Season1980, you state "My husband likes to photograph nude female models. I knew this when I met him. But as we are going through a divorce, I only then started going through his stuff. He left three hard drives behind. He has 2 TB of porn, a lot of it is hardcore, fetish, teen, bdsm, and etc. (Who really needs that much porn?) But the kicker was that he had many photos of naked children, from toddler to adolescence." This is your husband - no one else at this point in time. If you want to write a dissertation about this you must limit it to what you know to be true of your husband and no one else. You can't paint one half of the population with the same paint brush. Plus you knew he liked to photograph nude female models when you met him yet you stayed with him (some would argue that this in itself is pornography) are you not then guilty by association? Just think about things here a bit longer.