[charityislove]

I have been married for 7 years and we have a 4 year old girl together. I lost a pregnancy at 5 months with a little boy. While i was pregnant with my daughter he cheated on me and got this girl pregnant she got an abortion, Fast forward 4 years later , she was pregnant again by my husband and just had his little boy. We lost our home and had lots of financial problems and were separated from each other for about 2 years. We were still communicating he made it seem like he was living with his cousin during the split but was really living with this woman. i was living with my mom. I was still completely faithful to him because i assumed and he made me think everthing was ok and as soon as we could save enough money we would build our household again. I am so hurt, sad, confused, broken hearted, We got a house and moved our family in and then he springs the news that he got a girl pregnant and then tells me its the same girl from 4 years ago!!! He said he didn't keep in touch with her but met her again at a gas station by chance, and at the time he had lost his ,was broke and needed somewhere to stay, (all the while making me believe he was living with his cousin which he was on and off because i would visit). I have heard them talk on the phone with her not knowing i was listening and it seems to be completely over physically and but i did hear her say if it wasn't for me being in the way she could have had a chance with him! She has known about me the whole time! He says he doesn't love her and never has and it was a mistake, he wants another chance to make our family work. I just do not know, how i can ever get over this! I have prayed, and cried and thought a lot!, He does want to visit and support the child, Everytime I think of him going to her house to visit the child which is now only 2 months old, I literally get sick and my stomach hurts, I am so broken in pieces about this I can't sleep, has anyone been through this? Can I make this work! How do I get over the pain! I have been so faithful and loyal, and i have never cheated, any advice would be good to hear, i don't have a support system or anyone to talk to.

[jns]

He being faithful to you does not sound possible. He was already unfaithful to you for at least two periods with her. The other woman is obviously pursuing him. While he goes to visit his son, her attention will probably help him be unfaithful again. You have already given him more of an allowance than most women would. The question is: "Can you make peace with the situation as it is, sharing him?" If you can, you might want to consider opening a constructive dialog with her. Otherwise, it might be a good time to think of being single again.

[Stillness]

has anyone been through this?

I can't imagine the anguish. I don't know what to say. But the answer to your question is, yes. At the bottom of your thread look at the "Similar Threads" box. There are people who have been in similar situations. Maybe you can find something there to help you through.

[rcoreyus]

He will probably cheat again. Only you can decide if you can accept that in a marriage. For most people this is an absolute NO, for some it is OK. If you do stay together, i suggest that you agree to an open marriage so that no one has to lie.

[Trisha23]

Making a mistake once is forgivable. But doing it the second time, it was already a choice that he really wants to cheat on you.

[charityislove]

Thank you everyone for your responses, I am still living with this man and he swears that it is truly over with this woman and he put himself on child support and said that he will only visit the child with me present and i just don't know if that is enough. I really want to honor my marriage vows, and try to work this out but, I feel like a Pathetic idiot. I am so humiliated and can't stop crying long enough to function. I really love this man and my daughter adores her dad, and i hate to see my family torn apart. I am 36 years old and i feel like my life is over. Thank you guys for the advise, please pray for me and my family.

[BabyGirl]

I am still living with this man and he swears that it is truly over with this woman and he put himself on child support and said that he will only visit the child with me present and i just don't know if that is enough.

You can give that a Try. But make sure he knows that he cannot make the " Mistake " again. Visiting his child with You Only, means just that, you will be there with him to pick up the child, Every time. You and he will meet in public places, not her place,not your place, until a parenting Plan is made up through the Courts.
He should ask for Proof of Paternity, to ensure this is actually his Child.

If it is he has 18 years of Support and he has Rights as a Father. He needs to sit down with You and Her and make his Choice, not the choice of a Father but as a Husband. He needs to tell her in front of YOU that he chooses YOU, That you will be in his Son's Life as his Step Mother . That his son has a sister and he'd like them to know each other. That is what the Parenting Plan is for, So his son can have Quality time with his Father and Fathers Family.

If he is unwilling to do this, then I'd end the Marriage. He can have both Children to Love, but he can't have Both Women .

There should be No " excuses" No " give me time on this ". Just a Straight up Decision made and NOW !! And Followed through Within the next 2 weeks.Telling Her in front of you that he chooses You .. ( the Parenting Plan, Paternity Test, at least Started.).

Then you and he can work out the rest of Your Lives and his Sons Life.
Your Gut Wrenches now ? Just see how it will feel when that Woman may be Your Daughters Step Mother .

Don't be mean or Shrewish or Angry about it. Just decide what you want, what you will Put up with, Is He Worth Your Love and your Forgiveness ?
And if he is then, give him the Second Chance to Deserve You !! And Make it Work .

[charityislove]

Thank you so much for your comment, It gave me a lot of insight on what to do next, I will just have to see what the future holds for me, I'm gonna give him this ultimatum and take it from there, Thank you again, Please pray for me and my family.

[BabyGirl]

You are very welcome.

I'm not sure I would make it an Ultimatum,or use that word. More like a factual event .

This will happen, when it does, we will work on this. When it doesn't I will Do This .

That way you are taking Control out of his " hands " so to speak, You are stating a Fact of what You will Do, What you will decide for you and your Daughter .

Search your Heart, Make the Decision and then Follow Through !

You say

he put himself on child support

You need to Set a date (choose a Date ) that We need to talk to the Child Support people and ask for a DNA test. There is No reason for him to pay any Support for a child that is not His .

If Proven it is his Child, you then tell him We need to go see a lawyer about a Parenting Plan. This will set the Support amount, the Visitation, the Holidays and such . Set a Date by.. (1 week is sufficient for a Free consultation with a Lawyer ) from the date of DNA Evaluation .

If Not his Child, you will explain that You will not stay in the Marriage if he see's or talks to her ever again, Calls, Text, Facebook, Email .

he swears that it is truly over with this woman

Prove it by actions ( his ). No Contact with Her or Child until it is proven his. See above.^. Call Text ETC ..

If and when Proven the Child is his, meet with the Lawyer and have her Invited to the lawyers to read and Sign Agreement /Parenting Plan. Of course she may have her own lawyer and hopefully you all can meet and get this Settled.

With you Standing By Him as his Wife, Forgiving him his Lies and Cheating. You are the one to be Proud of. But you are allowed Respect and be Treated as Special that you are . And that means with Honesty and Devotion from the one who claims to love you .