[atskitty2]

I agree with jen and was about to post a similar comment. You're going to have to make a stand at some point, may as well be now. If you don't break this cycle, resentment and irritation continues to build and you're likely to wind up with more serious issues stemming from it.
I can agree with everything folks have said here. I don't think there's a wrong or right answer. What I think is that there's a bigger issue at play here and it needs addressed. Giving in one more time does nothing but appease him and leave you wondering, yet again, what just happened. It encourages him to continue in this pattern.
Sometimes you gotta disturb the peace a little...shake it up to get some progress.

[Stillness]

you need to win this war

This reminds me of something I saw recently. A man goes to his crotchety old father and tells him he's getting married. The father says, "Against who?"

I think sp's got it, especially since he's so insistent. I'm hopeful that she may be pleasantly surprised. And maybe if she lets him do what he wants to do for her, he'll let her do what she wants to do to him. On top of that, a warlike, unyielding attitude is bad for a marriage.

[jen1447]

Would you be more comfortable with a sports metaphor? sp needs to go on offense and try to improve her field position in the marriage so that she can score points toward the big victory. Also somebody should give hubs the tip about being unyielding, or is that only her job as the wife?

[DreamP346]

Jen, you are too funny.

Part of me does want to go (I mean, who doesn't want to go away for the weekend to a ski trip). I wonder if I haven't won this argument because deep down I really do want to go. Sometimes I wonder if my not wanting to go is more out of a fear of being disappointed with my husband not living up to his word, than in the stress this trip will cause me.

[Stillness]

sp needs to go on offense

against who?

[KMonte85]

I'm all for making a stand, but for this? A fun family trip? IMO, he's actually trying here... it may not be EXACTLY what sp wants, but what's the point in shooting him down NOW? He's making an effort... how about a little positive reinforcement? If she says no, she misses out on a trip, miffs her husband who wasn't given a chance, and has just shown him that when he TRIES to be sweet she will deny him the chance to follow through...

There are better times to put your foot down, like when he's being a complete toolbox.. not when he's trying to plan a fun family getaway (promising to make it about her - but time will tell) that may not be EXACTLY what sp wanted, but still something she would enjoy if executed correctly.

[jen1447]

Well she's outlined what the issues are, and they're fairly serious and representative of bigger problems overall .....

Last month I told him I didn't want any of this because A) we are tight on cash with him being out of work, B) usually I end up doing all the planning, packing and taking care of the kids while on the trip while he just relaxes and C) what I really want is a cleaning person so I don't have to spend my weekends cleaning the house.

The other issue is that I fear getting disappointed. He says he will take care of everything, but my husband is not good at following through with promises. I also know myself. I am a great planner and when I see that my husband didn't plan very well, I will start getting frustrated. I usually pack the night below. I can just see it. It will be 11pm and my husband may just start packing. Of course, that will make me all stressed that he hasn't packed. He will be up all night packing, but still won't be packed the next morning so we will leave late. He will be exhausted from packing all night and so I will have to drive the entire 5.5 hours. He never packs snacks and enough things to keep the kids occupied during these long trips. So of course, I will have to deal with hungry and bored kids while I am driving. As I envision this, I can just see this trip adding more stress to my life.

Etc. It seems like more to me than just an argument about going on a trip or not. We have him systematically not acknowledging her wishes, him failing at this sort of thing before, him introducing stress to her life associated with those failures, and her never getting a house cleaner or dancing in the city. So sp's fate hangs in the balance!

[KMonte85]

Totally get that... he's screwed up more than enough times! I've been there, done that myself (still sorta there, actually). But in this instance it seems like he's at least trying to make an effort for once, beyond the usual fare that sp has described. She can still go out to dance, she can still get her cleaning lady... but she can also perhaps extend an olive branch here. What's more important in the long run? The only way things between them can improve is if she let's her guard down and allow them to. Or maybe they won't. But a stalemate isn't going to solve it, that's for sure.

So, if the trip goes well, it's a positive reinforcement for her husband to make some changes in the future, good changes - for both of them! If it doesn't go well, she has a very good catalyst for discussing the shortfalls of their marriage.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I know this is still a tough one, with the what ifs. But, if we live our lives with what if? We will never know.

There is another birthday next year, a cleaner still may come to the party after this, there is a hint of sp stating she actually would like to go on this trip as well. So regret and never knowing what if? I know which way I would go and if he doesn't keep his promise I know that will hurt, sp will get angry and we are back to here again but then she has the final card in the knowing of this, at present she doesn't and I still think she should give him the benefit of the doubt this last time. If he does the right thing she will be smiling from ear to ear and there is a chance she can work with that from there.

What if?

[jen1447]

Totally get that... he's screwed up more than enough times! I've been there, done that myself (still sorta there, actually). But in this instance it seems like he's at least trying to make an effort for once, beyond the usual fare that sp has described. She can still go out to dance, she can still get her cleaning lady... but she can also perhaps extend an olive branch here. What's more important in the long run? The only way things between them can improve is if she let's her guard down and allow them to. Or maybe they won't. But a stalemate isn't going to solve it, that's for sure.

So, if the trip goes well, it's a positive reinforcement for her husband to make some changes in the future, good changes - for both of them! If it doesn't go well, she has a very good catalyst for discussing the shortfalls of their marriage.

Fair enough KM, last word goes to you! (And CW lol)