[CHANDLERS WISH]

Did you know my favourite saying was/is ----(drum role)

PFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

[DreamP346]

Got back from out weekend trip. We all had fun skiing. It was nice and I did have fun, but turned out exactly as I predicted with me doing all the child management. No surprise cleaning lady. No unexpected presents. No birthday cake. The only difference from other vacations was that hubby did do half of the driving (usually I do most).

[atskitty2]

Aw...I'm sorry to hear that sp. I was hoping this would be the time it would be different.
(((Hugs)))

[Stillness]

It was nice and I did have fun...hubby did do half of the driving (usually I do most).

That's cool! Do you see that as sign that you're getting through and that he's taking baby steps?

Also, thanks for the update.

[DreamP346]

Do you see that as sign that you're getting through and that he's taking baby steps?

I wish. It's pretty much his format. He may do a little to start, but then fails to carry through. Last week, I came home from travelling for work and found him cleaning the house. I was very pleasantly surprised and even though I was tired from my travels, I started helping around the house. I think he took that as his que to stop working because he started playing computer games. Non of the real difficult cleaning (bathrooms) were done.

We left for the trip 3 hours late. He didn't plan the dog sitter arrangements properly and I had to do that. I spent the morning before leaving cleaning the house. At the trip, I woke up before him to help get the kids ready each day. He only had to get himself ready and he was still always late. When we left, I packed everything and loaded the car. Not easy to do carrying luggage up the stairs in the snow. At one point, I had a meltdown on the ski slopes hearing the kids whine and my husband not helping in any way. I was yelling, "I didn't even want to be here. If you really cared about what I wanted we would be dancing." After that, he kind off tried to be more involved, but not really. I was upset about something else and my husband's response was to tell the kids they ruined mommy's birthday. To which they made the most pathetic face and burst into tears. Of course that made me feel like the worst parent in the world. Of course, because hubby said he would do everything, when he didn't, it made me even more bitter.

Oh, and not getting a cake was a soar point. Earlier this year I made a big deal about never getting a birthday cake. So I kept hoping I would get one. But one never arrived. So much fr getting through.

[Stillness]

my husband's response was to tell the kids they ruined mommy's birthday.

Ouch. That's low.

I think that I told you before that I started cancelling vacations when I wasn't getting my way. It was not the only thing that made a difference, but I believe it played a major factor in some of our progress. It was really more for my own sanity, but I think it drove home some ideas I had been trying to express.

[atskitty2]

Oh sp...can you hear me screaming inside? You have got to do something here.

That comment to the kids is just emotional abuse, imo. I hate that term, but that's just a weinie move. He cant accept responsibility for failing so he blames the innocent?? And your kids seeing you this way, feeling your tension, it is bad for them!!
This is just covered in wrong sauce my dear...use this as the last time, the catalyst you need to spark change.

[atskitty2]

Happy bday hon, I'd ship you a homemade cake if I could.

[jen1447]

I'd actually consider (b--ch) slapping him for that. But yeah, happy birthday sp. :hugs:

[Euphoric]

Happy belated birthday!!

It discouraging when you give someone the benefit of the doubt, especially when history dictates future expectations. (Yet, we hope…) From everything you've said, I get the feeling you make sure his birthdays are memorable and about him. If that is the case, since he doesn't understand your feelings, wants, and desires for your birthday, perhaps it's time for him to get as good as he's given. Some people learning by seeing, hearing and reading, some by doing, and then there are the one's who need to learn by experiencing. In the case of your husband, maybe if he received no gift, no cake, etc., he would understand how his lack of initiative has hurt you. (That sounds spiteful, and I suppose it is, too a degree, but I'm not sure how to get through to him other than by reciprocating his actions.) And, yes, if I were in your shoes, I'd definitely be bitter.