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Time to face the music

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  • Time to face the music

    My husband has been gone for 2 weeks. He went to Michigan with his mother because his Aunt was dying. He flew back with his mother and is driving home today.

    While he was gone I have been sleeping with Kiyomi, she is a lesbian. I know I can't live with the guilt so I decided to tell him. I don't know how he will take it or what he will do. I'm prepared for the worst, which could mean a divorce. I still love him and I love Kiyomi too, so what ever happens will be devastating for me. Kiyome has been getting ready to pack up, she thinks she or both of us will have to leave. I can't think that far ahead, I'll just wait and see what happens with I tell him.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.
    ― Bodhidharma

  • Good luck chaya. I will be thinking about you tonight.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

    Comment


    • Hey chaya,

      You're not asking for input or advice, so I'll offer none. I have no particularly brilliant insights to impart in any event.

      I have read some of your past posts about your situation, so I'll simply join with sp346 in wishing you luck. You have some WH friends who care.

      - b
      I do not grow old; if I stop growing, I am old.

      Comment


      • chaya, I also wish you well and think you're doing the right thing telling him. My hope is that he will see how he was neglecting your needs and you'll work on that together.

        I've told you before about my concerns with telling him - that he'll become violent. I hope you're very careful. I wish that you could be in a position where you weren't alone, like at a quiet corner in a restaurant. Being in public is probably not the most conducive to your relationship, though. Maybe you could have yourself prepared to flee quickly if you need to - like having the keys on you, your shoes on, and your car not blocked in. If you're ready and I'm wrong, then you've lost nothing.

        Please let us know how it goes.
        "Those sowing seed with tears
        Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

        Comment


        • Originally posted by chaya View Post
          My husband has been gone for 2 weeks. He went to Michigan with his mother because his Aunt was dying. He flew back with his mother and is driving home today.

          While he was gone I have been sleeping with Kiyomi, she is a lesbian. I know I can't live with the guilt so I decided to tell him. I don't know how he will take it or what he will do. I'm prepared for the worst, which could mean a divorce. I still love him and I love Kiyomi too, so what ever happens will be devastating for me. Kiyome has been getting ready to pack up, she thinks she or both of us will have to leave. I can't think that far ahead, I'll just wait and see what happens with I tell him.
          Ooh sweetie, have things gotten that bad ?? Look, you know I'm always in your corner, if you need an ear, or a shoulder, you know where I'm at.

          All my respect and affection.

          Patti.

          Comment


          • Thinking of you chaya.
            I think stillness is right. Have an overnight bag ready and have a plan to make an exit quickly if needed.

            Comment


            • In your corner here too hon. Be strong and don't waiver on what you want out of life.
              [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

              Comment


              • Kiyomi was trying to talk me out of telling him but I must get this settled. She took my car and Misako and went to my aunts house. Kiyomi was afraid for herself and Misako, I don't think he will get violent. If he does, I deserve it. I'm not afraid to die, I just worry about Misako if it happens.

                One thing, he is sure to be very horny, 2 weeks with no sex, should I sleep with him before I tell him? He might be in a better mood that way.
                [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
                Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.
                ― Bodhidharma

                Comment


                • Um, I would say no to that...sleeping with him prior to breaking the news. Sure he may be more relaxed but it may make the betrayal even more pronounced in his mind.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by chaya View Post
                    Kiyomi was trying to talk me out of telling him but I must get this settled. She took my car and Misako and went to my aunts house. Kiyomi was afraid for herself and Misako, I don't think he will get violent. If he does, I deserve it. I'm not afraid to die, I just worry about Misako if it happens.

                    One thing, he is sure to be very horny, 2 weeks with no sex, should I sleep with him before I tell him? He might be in a better mood that way.
                    No you just tell him straight up, you've found satisfaction in the arms of another woman, the kind that he couldn't give you..

                    Be strong, be determined, stand your ground girl !

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by chaya View Post
                      One thing, he is sure to be very horny, 2 weeks with no sex, should I sleep with him before I tell him? He might be in a better mood that way.
                      chaya, can you put yourself in his position? How would you feel if he had sex with you before he told you that he had been having sex with someone else? I know that if it was me that any improvement in my mood would be that much more sour once I found out that my wife had violated our deal. It's like eating a delicious sandwich and then finding out that the person that made it spit in it.

                      If Kiyomi knows him and fears for hers and the baby's safety, then that's making me all the more concerned. If he hurts you or kills you, it won't just be you that suffers. Your baby, your husband, and your families will also suffer. Do they deserve that? Be careful!
                      "Those sowing seed with tears
                      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                      Comment


                      • Be clear in your mind of your thoughts and of what you want.

                        Are you willing to stop sleeping with Kyomi if the alternative is divorce?

                        Are you sleeping with Kyomi because of something lacking in your relationship with your husband, or because you are attracted to her. Would you want to keep sleeping with her even if you husband changed his behavior?

                        Is Kyomi interested in having sex with you AND your husband? Are you interested in that?

                        Are you happy with an open marriage where each of you are free to sleep with anyone you want?

                        If your husband tells you that he has been sleeping with someone else as well, are you happy to stay married?

                        If he fires kyomi and doesn't let him back in the house, how will you respond?

                        What response are you most hoping for?



                        You do not ****have**** to tell him. I think it is a fair question to ask whose life will be made better by telling, and whose will be made worse. (think carefully about this).

                        Comment


                        • Now's not the time to ask a bunch more questions or introduce doubt rc ....this is happening in like a matter of minutes by the sound.

                          chaya, please keep us updated as frequently as you can. We're all concerned for you hon.
                          [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

                          Comment


                          • I agree, leave the girl alone, she didn't ask for a bunch of questions to be bombarded at her,, Yeah Chaya keep us updated, and know we're here for you..

                            Comment


                            • Chaya,

                              There is nothing more to add. I think the advice to be prepared to leave quickly is paramount. You say you are prepared to die, but perhaps that is because you feel death is better than living in misery. Definitely do NOT sleep with him first. And as others have said, please update us as soon as possible. I think everyone here is going to fear the worst if you don't not make contact shortly after approaching him, because we care about you!

                              Good luck and thinking of you.

                              Euphoric

                              Comment

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