[atskitty2]

One year my hubs asked what gift I'd like for my bday. I told him I'd like the details finished on the hardwood floor we'd installed together quite awhile before.
I was serious.
I took great pride in our home, and diy jobs we'd tackled together were precious memories for me. I wanted the last few base boards done. To leave a major job incomplete, was an eye sore, embarrassing and just annoying. We entertained quite a bit, and I loved creating a beautiful home....then there was this.

It is about communication, and consideration for what your partner's needs and wants are. This was less than a few hours work. We could've paid someone to do it easily...he just wouldn't, and wouldn't approve of my hiring without his say so in it.

I think I've mentioned this before. it still hurts. I still can feel the raw emotions of my feelings and enjoyment being completely ignored and disregarded. He knew the joy I found in home making and improving everything. I felt it was a passive aggressive attack on the thing I took most pride in, besides my job.

He asked what I wanted, then ignored my request, after saying repeatedly he will do it soon. He'd say we can do anything, go anywhere ya want.
I said I want to enjoy every day by not staring at this unfinished floor.

Acknowledgement of desires, even if it's saying no to them, is better than showing indifference to us, which is how it often seems with Dreams hub.



I think some men just mentally "check out" with household responsibility. They just never get it.

[amy40]

When one's expectations are not met, it seems that is the toughest to take. Dream has expectations re chores and kitty had expectations re gifts.

Sometimes we get our expectations met, but often we don't. Sometimes we do, but not in the time we expected or the way we expected.

[Stillness]

atskitty2 Yeah, I think I've done the checking out thing a few times.

A couple of times I was late with taxes, which drives my wife up a wall. One time she held me by my shoulders and stared into my eyes to command my attention and asked me when I would have my stuff done. We're both pretty easy-going and she's especially non-confrontational, so it worked.

We've never been separated, but I think we might have come close over a decade ago. She bought this cool dishwasher, so I removed the sink, but didn't install the new one for a while. If you wanted to wash any dishes or get water at all, you had to go to the bathroom sink or the tub. She told me that she considered going to a motel or renting an apartment to stay until I fixed it.

It hurt my feelings that she was going to leave over that. But, it hurt her feelings that I couldn't get how much she wanted her kitchen returned to normalcy. There were other major issues I had with intimacy then too. We weren't clicking on a few levels.

I know that I'm still not as responsive, but I try much more. There's no such thing as perfect, but I always say that as long as we're working on doing better, we'll keep it alive.

[atskitty2]

What really sealed the hurtfulness of the whole ordeal with my hubs was how he told me all he'd done to the house after i had moved out. lol.
He even sent pix!

Once I'd started counseling, i think i even asked him once if he had been withholding such attention and ignoring my words because of any things I'd done to make him upset with me. He denied, professing his adoring love for me. lol

I think the belief that our SO does something with intent to hurt us is based in evidence many times. Other times, it's feelings that snowball into resentment and bitterness.

We all need to be attentive. I believe in a loving relationship, being the one who gives first is the key to making happiness and promoting giving from the other side.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I'm not married and am single, so I do all the cleaning in my apartment. Scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom is humbling. I have to wash all the laundry and all the dishes myself. If I had a husband who would assist, it would be wonderful. I hate dirt, mess and clutter and my husband would have to be the same. A marriage is a partnership. A house has to be cleaned and if two people work together, it makes keeping the home clean so much easier.