[Stillness]

We thank each other for anything done in or out of the house.

My wife used to do most of the inside work. When I complained about sex years ago, she brought that up. I started to do more and our relationship gradually became much more affectionate. It wasn't immediate and I initially viewed it as an excuse to shift blame. I'm still not completely sure about the connection, but I do more housework and get more lovin'. Can't deny that.

All the erotic attention in the world is not worth what I gained by doing more, though. I'd do it with or without. Things are cleaner. I learned how to prepare meals. In fact, I do most of the cooking now. I developed my own style - something that would have never happened depending on her or take out. I'm just more mature and self-sufficient.

I will say that unless you have an organized chart of every responsibility, it's hard to just slice things right down the middle. I think there might be something natural to inside stuff being taken care of more by the woman and outside by men. I can count on one hand and the times my wife has put her hand to the lawnmower or done something mechanical to a car and still have fingers left. I do 90-95% of the driving. I take the lead in general. When there's a threat, I'm expected to protect her, not the other way around. How do you quantify all of that?

[DreamP346]

How do you quantify all of that?

I quantify things based on how much time was spent doing chores, the expectations placed on each other and whether one person is sitting on the couch watching TV while the other is doing chores. Also, when it comes to childcare, my expectation is that it is equal responsibility. I am not a stay-at-home mom.

[amy40]

whether one person is sitting on the couch watching TV while the other is doing chores.

are you teaching your kids to cook? I'm still supervising at stove but kid is making pancakes, grilled cheese, sandwiches etc and making school lunches now (kid's idea)
kid shops with me and does the bagging while I scan, goes faster

[DreamP346]

are you teaching your kids to cook? I'm still supervising at stove but kid is making pancakes, grilled cheese, sandwiches etc and making school lunches now (kid's idea)
kid shops with me and does the bagging while I scan, goes faster

My kids cook, do laundry and clean their room (well, what they think is cleaning ). I don't go easy on them. And no payments for doing chores. It's just part of life

[Stillness]

If one person wore themselves out spending 45 minutes to shovel wet snow out in the freezing cold, but the other person spent twice as much doing laundry and the dishes, has one done more housework? What does it matter if the snow shoveler came in and sat down on the couch while the dishes were still being done?

I was mostly chilling and playing games the last time my wife cooked, but I had prepared some of the meal too and I do much more cooking in general. She may pick up food more from restaurants, but I prefer homemade meals. At the same time, she works longer hours most of the time. It's too much to be spending my life with a stopwatch measuring out who does what.

That being said, we don't have kids. I do realize stuff gets tighter with little ones - which is exactly why we don't have any.

[DreamP346]

Stillness It's not about a stopwatch. As adults, we should know better. If I cooked dinner, I don't think I should be cleaning up the kitchen while husband sits on couch watching TV. That just creates resentment. There are always exceptions, but in general, if spouse is scrubbing the toilet, you don't get to play video games. Taking a break after doing something exhausting is fine, but 45 minutes of snow shoveling doesn't entitle a person to not do any more housework while the other spouse is slaving away the rest of the day. It's a partnership and we need to work together. Sometimes, one person gives more than the other, but overall, it should balance out.

Also, just because it's labor intensive, doesn't mean it counts for more. I would rather shovel snow than clean the toilet any day.

[amy40]

Stillness
Also, just because it's labor intensive, doesn't mean it counts for more. I would rather shovel snow than clean the toilet any day.

me, too

[amy40]

deleted

[amy40]

Stillness That just creates resentment.

Have heard others say that, too.

[Stillness]

if spouse is scrubbing the toilet, you don't get to play video games

I do. So does my wife.

If she sleeps in while I'm up cleaning or comes home and eats the food I made, watches TV and goes to bed, I have no problem with that. The house needs to be cleaned and we need to eat regardless of who does the work.