[moonshadow48]

How do you find out if your husband is posted on different web sites as looking?

[anonymouswhitefemale]

You don't - you reevaluate your relationship, and decide whether you trust him or not. If you don't trust him, then end your relationship.

I'm a guy, and if I found out you'd been snooping around behind my back it's a kick in the behind for you - relationship over.

Short version: I won't tell you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well apart from that which is true......

I like the last paragraph................... gee hope that's all, or she'll be on egg shells... lol...

If he was that ****** " posting on the sites" not "lurking" then SURELY as your HUSBAND when you read the answers, you HAVE TO know that it's HIM replying?

Don't you, i mean you married him, so you know him and the questions he would be posing would sound familiar, would they not?

Or is that what is worrying you? Someone is disagreeing, aiming direct at you? On-going?

That could also be someone disagreeing.

Think of something that only he knows, and add it into conversation and see what arises....

Then tell him he's busted and your out of here....

He doesn't control your life, or own you, so he shouldn't be reading your posts, especially on Forums it's not a dating site....

CW

[Fallen1]

I'm a guy, and if I found out you'd been snooping around behind my back it's a kick in the behind for you - relationship over.

I understand what you are saying but want to ask you this - If a woman (or guy) truly suspects something is going on how else is she (he) supposed to confirm it? Wait until she catches him "red handed"?

[rcoreyus]

I think what anon means, (and I agree) is that when you no longer trust your spouse, the relationship is over. At the point when you think you need to spy, you have lost all that matters anyway.

I believe that if you look hard enough, you will find something, whether it is real or not -so save the time and pain and just give up.

If you suspect someone, you can never proove that thay are not cheating - the suspicion will alway be there. You have no way to know if they are more clever at hiding their actions then you are at finding them.

In my case, if I found out my wife was spying on me, I wouldn't necessarially end the relationship, but I would consider it a moral free-ride to do whatever I wanted. That changes the rules from "trust" to "don't get caught". I don't think I would do anything anyway - but I would no longer feel I had an moral obligation to behave.

By the same token, looking for spying, is another form of spying.

Money is a similar situation. My wife and I have different credit cards - just turned out that we each wanted different benefits. I do the home accounts (she does the taxes btw), the only questions I ask her about things on the credit card record are if I am concerned that a charge may be bogus. I never ask "what was that charge", just "was that your charge".

[Fallen1]

If you suspect someone, you can never proove that thay are not cheating - the suspicion will alway be there. You have no way to know if they are more clever at hiding their actions then you are at finding them.

Somehow that makes sense.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I understand what you are saying but want to ask you this - If a woman (or guy) truly suspects something is going on how else is she (he) supposed to confirm it? Wait until she catches him "red handed"?

She should ask him, and if she doesn't know if she can believe the answer or not, or even tell from his body language, then the relationship isn't worth much.

Spying just destroys the relationship, as rcoreyus says. I would (if I didn't dump her), try to be guilty of whatever she assumed about me. It probably would turn into a game where I didn't give a rats **** about her and I'd be trying to shag some girl in her mums bed or something, just really going for it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Anonymouswhitefemale
It probably would turn into a game where I didn't give a rats **** about her and I'd be trying to shag some girl in her mums bed or something, just really going for it.

Oh you would not, that would be plain nasty..... you'd dump her and move on in 1 day...

It's a tough call though.... If your married or have been in a long term relationship there has to be trust. No excuse, you just have to otherwise, don't stay in that relationship simple. Without it agree 100%, you don't have a foundation to work with.

If, in this threaders case, "he" doesn't trust and is posting on forums where she is on, that's not on... It's not only mis-trust on his behalf but also "interfering" in her personal space don't you think?

Surely, we are also individuals and therefore, deserve to be ourselves, your not dating on a Forum ( posts) aren't used as a "word" on dating sights... so there i find it difficult.. I wouldn't ask him "are you", i would mmm okay Anon, "play a game", and establish it and deal with it.

That's my space, as well as non trust... is that relationship going to have a happy ending?

I would suspect that if this is the case, he watches other things to, checks her phone etc. I couldn't deal with any or all of that full stop.

CW

[Fallen1]

She should ask him, and if she doesn't know if she can believe the answer or not, or even tell from his body language, then the relationship isn't worth much.

Spying just destroys the relationship, as rcoreyus says. I would (if I didn't dump her), try to be guilty of whatever she assumed about me. It probably would turn into a game where I didn't give a rats **** about her and I'd be trying to shag some girl in her mums bed or something, just really going for it.

Now really how many men/women do you honestly believe will tell the truth when questioned if they are cheating?

My first husband sure didn't. He had gone to parents house and I stopped by - had to drive by to get home. There was a second car in the drive that I knew did not belong to anyone I knew. I rang the door bell, no answer. I left, went home then called. He answered and I asked who was there, he said no one. I said well why didn't you answer the door and he claimed he didn't hear the bell. Not to long after that I saw that same car parked next to his in a parking lot. So things just felt wrong. I had the tag traced to find the owner of that vehicle. One night he left for work and didn't return at his normal time. I went to the home where the owner of that vehicle lived, there was his car. I walked up to the house and was going to ring the bell and happen to look over in the front window and there he was ..... they were going at it on the floor.

Now he lied when questioned. Had I not done a little investigating .......

But yes, I fully understand where you are coming from.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Now really how many men/women do you honestly believe will tell the truth when questioned if they are cheating?

My first husband sure didn't. He had gone to parents house and I stopped by - had to drive by to get home. There was a second car in the drive that I knew did not belong to anyone I knew. I rang the door bell, no answer. I left, went home then called. He answered and I asked who was there, he said no one. I said well why didn't you answer the door and he claimed he didn't hear the bell. Not to long after that I saw that same car parked next to his in a parking lot. So things just felt wrong. I had the tag traced to find the owner of that vehicle. One night he left for work and didn't return at his normal time. I went to the home where the owner of that vehicle lived, there was his car. I walked up to the house and was going to ring the bell and happen to look over in the front window and there he was ..... they were going at it on the floor.

Now he lied when questioned. Had I not done a little investigating .......

But yes, I fully understand where you are coming from.

I think woman have intuition. Gut feelings.

And, whilst i agree and state, you must trust 100% or else don't be in that relationship.

I also understand if you have a "gut feeling" sometimes you have to resolve it for yourself.

As you did.

As i said, it's a tough one hey.....

I think the main thing really is those whom just don't trust full stop and spend their whole relationship, checking this and that... That i would walk from.

But a once of? If you don't want to follow through as you don't want to know fine, but if you think it is going to affect your life and need to feel okay about it then why not?

If it proves wrong, then you know and never ever ever check again, as you should feel that trust....

Once offs with gut feelings i can't see why you can't...

Contradictory hey?

BUt not really, i know what i am trying to say.