[Inconsistent]

We have a baby on the way and he wants to keep spending money on anything and everything. Things we dont need or anything. When I say something to him he acts like he needs it. Ok do you really need a new trigger for your brand new, week old paintball gun??? MEN!!!!!!!

Yes ma'am we do.. Paintball gun I wouldn't necessarily purchase and/or modify but I'm a bit of a sucker for good designs in firearms and changing up the inner working parts, sights, grips, etc is a significant hobby of mine. Why would he be doing that before a baby comes? Maybe he feels like he's about to have to man up to the reality of having all of his freedom stripped from him? Wants to get in all the things "I gotta have before I die" before he's stuck working his butt off to make ends meet? Seems reasonable, especially if the people around him are pressuring him to do something other than what he's doing and he's got it drilled into his head that "Having a baby is the hardest thing you'll ever do financially."

[Uneeklyme]

Uneeklyme: Drifting a bit off topic here, but there is a potential problem with keeping separate accounts. Some friends of mine were doing that – then he made a mint on stocks. Now she works full time, he just lives on his earnings. It is fair in the sense that it is exactly what they had agreed to, and he did work very hard for his money, but as the years go by, it “feels” unfair – it is easy to forget his work of 5-10 (and eventually more) years ago, and just see her working her tail off, and him just having fun.
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I understand what your trying to say here but here is the flip side of it. Ex hub and I had joint account. He moved out but we had just written checks for the mortgage, car and whatever else... He cleaned out the account before the checks cleared and I got stuck making up the payments myself and fixing the overdrafts. Lesson learned and I will never be in a position again that requires me to depend financially even a little bit on anyone else but me. Above and beyond it just a bonus.

I am the one in my current relationship that makes more money. We pay the bills, fill the cars then split what is left 50/50 regardless of who has contributed what. ALL of his pay is gone but him putting it all in takes some of the pressure off of me so half split with remaining seems fair to me. If I were paying all of the bills myself and him using his pay for his bills and his wants... I would feel the resentful but I can imagine how he would feel if ALL of his pay were gone for expenses and nothing else.

[rcoreyus]

I hadn't thought about the financial security side of things (been married too long to think about that). Maybe marriage really is the difference - because then you have legal recourse if your SO tries to run with your joint money. Why couldn't you get the money back?(I've never been involved in a divorce, don't know how it works in the real world - so this is meant as a real question - not a complaint).

I understand what your trying to say here but here is the flip side of it. Ex hub and I had joint account. He moved out but we had just written checks for the mortgage, car and whatever else... He cleaned out the account before the checks cleared and I got stuck making up the payments myself and fixing the overdrafts. Lesson learned and I will never be in a position again that requires me to depend financially even a little bit on anyone else but me. Above and beyond it just a bonus.

I am the one in my current relationship that makes more money. We pay the bills, fill the cars then split what is left 50/50 regardless of who has contributed what. ALL of his pay is gone but him putting it all in takes some of the pressure off of me so half split with remaining seems fair to me. If I were paying all of the bills myself and him using his pay for his bills and his wants... I would feel the resentful but I can imagine how he would feel if ALL of his pay were gone for expenses and nothing else.

[Uneeklyme]

I hadn't thought about the financial security side of things (been married too long to think about that). Maybe marriage really is the difference - because then you have legal recourse if your SO tries to run with your joint money. Why couldn't you get the money back?(I've never been involved in a divorce, don't know how it works in the real world - so this is meant as a real question - not a complaint).

Didnt take it as a complaint. It's a legit question. I couldn't get the money back because he was selfish and didn't give two sh*ts wether the bills were paid at that point in time or not. Funny thing is, he did it less than two weeks after we split up and we were still talking about him coming home. We hadn't even talked about divorce. He saw a balance and didnt stop to think that he himself had written checks on that balance. He was being irresponsible. It's not like I took him to the cleaners. I took the vehicle AND the payment, the kids (have not received a dime of support nor did I ask for any) and the dog. I paid the mortgage but gave him the house in the divorce which didnt even finalize for 6 years after our separation. It just wasn't a pressing issue. I took care of it and he took advantage. Its just eaiser and safer to be financiallly responsible for myself and make my partner responsible for himself. Above and beyond is just a bonus.

[talk time]

I would be interseted in knowing who was in charge of paying the bills. I was the bill payer and balanced everything when I was married to my ex. He had no idea how much it took to keep afloat each week so was always upset if he wanted to buy lots of extravigant things and if I said we couldn't aford some of them. His opinion was he earn good money he wanted to spend it, not realising that there wasn't that much of 'it' left to spend.

If your the one who pays the day to day bills, give this job to him for a while so he can see what is left and decide how much of that he can and you can spend on fun stuff.

Just a thought

tt