[DarlingGuy]

Hey everybody, I'm posting here because I'm having a little problem with my girlfriend and stimulating her clit. Background info: we are both 19, she's been with one guy before, and we are not ready to go all the way (just fingers). We will probably have sex soon, but I'd like to solve this issue first.

I get her very aroused and wet, and have no problem finding the clit, but when I rub it she does not enjoy it a lot. Note that it still feels somewhat good for her (sorta like rubbing her belly or back) but it is sensitive in neither a bad painful way nor in a good pleasurable way, at least no more so than her belly or back. I found her g spot and she really liked that, but I think she's still a bit uncomfortable with that much penetration and, besides, I'd really like to know what's going here.

Two hints that might help:
1) she just came off her period (I wouldn't think this would effect this that dramatically)
2) her breasts have the same issue as the clit; they are not sensitive at all, doing anything to them is similar to rubbing her belly or back (I didn't think this was a big deal before, but now I'm starting to think the lack of sexual sensitivity in these two areas might be related)


Thanks in advance ladies!

[sTyLeRock]

i find most breast stimulation is mental, however some women do have high nerves in there nipples but majority do not.

with her clit i would say get her to relax and try different techniques, have u tried ur tounge?

try doing little circle just above and to the right of her clit, at the 1 O'clock position this is where majority of women masterbate when rubbing there clit and surveys say this is best spot "around" the clit that feels good.

but theres tons of books on how to make ur women feel good.

[shweedart]

from a young-womans point of view...full on clitoral stimulation isn't nice, it feels uncomfortable and can get sore! So I suggest going around it to, definitely not straight on

[WildChild]

Lube, lots of it. She's not in tune with her body with all this yet, touching all over, kissing, carressing. She needs to be wet, really wet. A lot of women's nipples aren't as sensitive as the area around them, try circling and spiraling around the nipples and on her breasts.

[crzyredhead21]

I have a similar problem and it takes a lot to get me started sometimes. I've learned that I need to REALLY want it... which for me includes a couple chapters of "letters to penthouse" maybe some soft porn, and my man definatley needs to touch more than just my breasts/clit! God lord! Lets take inner thigh for example... the most sensitive part of my body. Caress her body and find her sensitive areas.. other than ones you have tried. Good luck!

[Richard S]

A woman's body is not a machine. Try to back away from focusing on "targets" and pay more attention to her overall mood. If you really want my advice, take a massage class. A woman's body holds energy in different places. Sexual arousal is one manifestation of that. This is especially true for younger women (basically any age up to 25). They don't really have a way of processing that energy flow. They know certain things feel good, while other things are just too much.

A woman's body is programmed to respond to the stimulation of a man, but it takes time for the woman to get it all "wired" properly. A good man who knows what he's doing can make all the difference. Take your time and be patient with her, and with yourself. Your goal is to play a positive role in her process of getting to know her body better.

And don't use the word "problem" to describe what's going on with her. A woman finding direct clitoral stimulation to be too intense is not a problem. It's absolutely normal.

[DarlingGuy]

Thanks so much for all the advice everybody. It will definitely help me keep everything in perspective and help me keep my patience.

The thing that was really puzzling me, and that I guess that I didn't make clear enough in my first post, was that not only was it not sensitive in a good way, but it was also not sensitive in a bad way... it was neither uncomfortable nor sore, just nothing.

Also, thanks for the reminders to get her turned on. I always spend a lot of time on this (I'm not completely new to this thing you know , I usually spend at least ten minutes making out/playing with neck and hair, and ~20 minutes on the rest, starting with her back and moving to areas like the thighs, while continuing to make out), but I'll try to spend even more time in the future and see if it helps. Thanks again everybody!

[DarlingGuy]

and to clarify, the second paragraph is about the clit, not the breasts, thanks!

[WildChild]

To reach a high level of responsiveness a lot of women need non goal oriented touching. In other words, touch and carressing without any movement toward sex. We need to feel cared about in both a sexual and nonsexual way. Hugs, little kisses, running your hand down her back, holding doors, helping carry something, are all little ways of saying I care. Not just I want you to be as horny as I am.

It sounds like she is emotionally disconnected from her clit. Have you talked about this with her? She's not a virgin but how experienced is she? Does she masterbate? Can she get herself off? If yes, how does she do it? Is she willing to show you, or guide your hands? Get her a copy of Extended Massive Orgasm for Xmas and read it together. She needs to under stand how her body and female arousal works. An astonishing number of women have no idea. Helping her through this to find joy and pleasure in sex is the greatest gift you could give her. Far too many women never get there.

[Richard S]

One more thing, it's OK to go all the way before you solve this problem. You may find that how she responds to having you inside her gives you perspective on the other issues you are having. Penetration stimulates the clitoris indirectly, it's actually a pretty complex organ that has "roots" around the vaginal area.

Also, it's OK to just be a guy and let her know you think it's time to go all the way. I mean, there's nothing *wrong* with that.

Good luck.