[Mitchel1870]

So what do you do when you talk to DW and she doesn't care or what to make things better and thinks they are fine as is?

[sourpuss]

Tell her thing aren't fine with you the way they are.

[Explorer44]

She used to wake me up to have sex back in the day now I just don't get it. .

Does she ever explain why she doesn't anymore?

[LanaBear]

So what do you do when you talk to DW and she doesn't care or what to make things better and thinks they are fine as is?

My opinion... If you are being honest with her about how much it is bothering you, then she obviously can't think everything is fine. She needs to be able to work with you and hear you out. Relationships are about give and take, compromise, etc.

Sometimes, the less you have sex, the less you end up caring about it, if she could turn it around, have sex more often, sometimes it turns out that she'll want it more. But it is actually getting to that point that is the challenging part.

[Mitchel1870]

She says I remember an eighteen year old girl (we meet very young and have only 'known' each other). The kids, age, daily stress. What she did in late teens and early 20's was in the past and she does not what to do those things now. She says she gags at the thought of it. For the record I have never had the full oral act, I would get close long ago and tell her in 'advance', I never made or asked her do anything she was uncomfortable doing. I beleive she said the 'leaking' was disgusting.

I am 'restricted' to the 'traditional' position or manual release. Sex fully nude is off the table and no deep kissing, oral, touching below the belt and often breasts are off limits. I was never given much of a chance at giving oral (though i would loooooove to try, and would be open to coaching, preferable with hands on head guiding it around).

I do have to admit that after 'dancing' together for 15+ years the 1 or 2 times a month she is into things (even with restrictions) it is a wonderful experiance. One of the other posts talked about finishing together and we have always had that wonderful experience. I am at the point now where if she isn't into it i have a hard time 'finishing', nothing is sexier than your partner squealing or writhing in pleasure. Unfortunately I seem to need 4-5 times or more a week.

[Mitchel1870]

Lanabear,

I tried, she listened but there was no comprises. She said that i had the problem not her. She asked if I would cheat now or leave her and I said I would do neither and that I loved only her. She feels I am asking to much and that I should be happy with what I have. She says nothing is perfect and that she had also made sacrifices in our relationship and that I should too. Talking sometimes does not work I guess.

[LanaBear]

That's unfortunate. Some women can get over that mountain, some don't. Is she open to counseling? She's right, nothing is perfect, however, it can be darn close.

Out of curiosity, how old is she?

[Texasred]

Lanabear,

I tried, she listened but there was no comprises. She said that i had the problem not her. She asked if I would cheat now or leave her and I said I would do neither and that I loved only her. She feels I am asking to much and that I should be happy with what I have. She says nothing is perfect and that she had also made sacrifices in our relationship and that I should too. Talking sometimes does not work I guess.

Sounds like you are exactly where I was a few months back: same story, I talked to her calmly, no accusations just letting her know what I was thinking and what I felt.
And what I found was just like you - she could care less.

So, while I know it's no consolation, you're not alone. My recommendation? If you don't have kids, find the door. You may think you love her, but there are other people out there who know what it's like to give love in return, and you CAN find one!

[Mitchel1870]

Mid thirties. Counseling is out of the question, she would not discuss this with an outsider.

Too much invested to find someone else (kids, house, life, etc.).

[Texasred]

Mid thirties. Counseling is out of the question, she would not discuss this with an outsider.

Too much invested to find someone else (kids, house, life, etc.).

Note that last item:
You'll be surprised when you find how much life there is left after only your mid-30s:

And it wouldn't hurt to remind her that she's NOT the only woman left on the face of the earth.
My dw made a brief albeit ultimately unsuccessful attempt to mend her ways when she realized I was unhappy. The sex was great for about two weeks, until she returned to "normal."