[Theresa]

I am 46 years old and was wondering if there are any sex/libido enhancers that have worked for someone. There are so many I don't know where to start. I need something!!!!:

[skipper]

We needed a little boost to our sex lives recently. We were in an ugly routine where sex was hohum at best. I decided to try and spice things up because I have a really beautiful, sexy wife that I adore and we used to have a wild sex life. We have been together 12 yrs.

I bought a set of the liberator ramp/wedge for VD. They are great for all age groups but super for us who are starting to get joint problems and aren't as agile as we once were. Certain positions are starting to get hard on one of us now or both. The shapes allow you to have more comfortable and more satisfying sex. They are expensive and big, but allow you to do things that might otherwise be difficult. If I was going to do it over again, I would probably just get the wedge.

Next, I started texting her dirty messages and that took on a life of its own. She was self concious about talking dirty before, but the texting made it e z for her. I never knew she could talk so dirty! I'd get so aroused at work I couldn't wait to get home and get her in bed. We brought the dirty talk out of the phones and into the bedroom and WOW!

Then someone here, and I wish I knew who it was so I could thank them, said to download a bsdm checklist to find new kinky things to do. I found one that covered every sex activity you can think of and many you probably didn't know existed. This form asked you to rank each activity from 'gross me out' to 'please, please don't stop'. I filled it out and emailed it to my wife and she filled it out and then we went over it together. We found out a lot about each other we didn't know even after 12 yrs and took this new found knowledge into the bedroom (and elsewhere). This idea was great, just make sure you use one that ranks the activity so your partner will know your level of interest. Thank you, whoever you are!

I took her shopping to buy lingerie and to the bookstore to buy a couple of sex books together. She would put on the lingerie and I would take it off over and over. This never gets boring. The books were ok, shopping for them was more fun than reading them.

So now we are like newlyweds again sometimes doing it multiple times a day. I find this exhausting but very satisfying. As the country song says, 'I'm not as good as I used to be, but I'm good once as I ever was.' You women are lucky in this regard.

Anyway, the above worked for us. You know, great sex for years w/ the same partner takes work by both to keep it spiced up. Get your partner on board, set aside some time just for sex, and enjoy each other. Finally, text or email him right now and tell him you aren't wearing panties and you are EXTREMELY wet and horny. You WILL get his attention.

[Theresa]

I will try the texting. Maybe he needs to help me out. I just wish that I could feel "horny" which never happens. I never get the feeling that I have to have sex. I just thought I could get some enhancers to jump start me. He would flip if I was "horny". It would blow his mind and maybe spice up his actions. I think he is just frustrated with me.

[SinisterUrge]

Where did you find that checklist????

And there is no substitute for good 'ol know-how. Pick up an instructional DVD on something you two haven't done yet. Footjob, prostate massage, strip-tease, erotic massage, etc etc. If everybody has fun great! If its just stupid, then thats something you'll spend the rest of your lives joking about. And if something goes terribly wrong then thats just something you'll be able to embarrass your children with when they bring their dates home.

"Earlier I had just given your father a footjob and forgot that I was covered in lube halfway up to my knees. So after sex I step into a warm shower, slip and fall on my . Your dad hears me yell, runs into the bathroom, trips over me and lands on top of me with his head between my legs. The sudden weight from him landing on top of me causes me to fart, which was pointed directly into his face three inches away. That caused him to get hard again and he poked me in the eye with his erection. So what are you two crazy kids doing tonight?"

Because really, if you can't embarrass your own children, what good is having any.

[WildChild]

Tell my kids all the time that one of my goals in life is to embarass them and I stay up nights thinking up ways to do it. I think they half believe it.

[Theresa]

Prostate massage? Maybe I need some help here!!!!

[Steph33]

I'd like that list too. I have a goal of making my BF pass out from sex at least once Maybe the list will come up with something.

[skipper]

Horniness (is that a word?) happens between the ears. What gets you worked up? If nothing gets you worked up now, what used to get you worked up?

Is there something hubby does for you that you crave? Ask him to do it. Go buy something that makes you feel sexy. Take a candlight bath. Maybe find a book on sex that talks to you. You need to find what works for you.

A body in motion tends to stay in motion and a body at rest tends to stay at rest. Our bodies were at rest and we had to get moving again. Sounds like you need to as well. I don't think a toy or an enhancer is going to work on its own. Sex tends to beget more sex which begets even more sex. We all need a good dose of begetting here.

I don't know where I got that bsdm (bdsm?) checklist. Get the initials right and google it w/ 'checklist' at the end. You'll get a bunch of hits. I tell you what, there is some really deviant sh*t out there! Just find one that ranks the activity by interest otherwise you don't know how much your partner loves it or hates it.

For instance, I thought my wife just "liked" having her nipples sucked because they get sensitive sometimes and I hurt her. So I didn't spend a lot of time there; just a glanced hit w/ the tongue now and then. Well, she put down that she *loves* to have her nipples sucked really hard. Dang, I had no idea they weren't getting the attention they needed and deserved. I love sucking on her nipples. I learned that it's very infrequent that they get sensitive and she'll let me know if I need to lighten up.

She learned I was interested in prostate massage. Why didn't I ever ask for it? 'Well, the time you did it your fingernail got me and after that blah blah ...' Anyway, we learned a lot from the exercise and she bought some finger cots to cover her nails :-).

[Iseulda]

Prostate massage? Maybe I need some help here!!!!

The prostate is the male sex gland located just below the bladder and in front of the rectum, it produces the fluid that forms the non-sperm bit of semen. Some men enjoy having the prostate stimulated via anal penetration (a finger, an object, a specially designed sex toy). Google 'prostate massager' to see the toys.

Have you tried reading erotic fiction? (there are many dedicate websites) Porn isn't for everyone but I don't know anyone who doesn't enjoy a little erotic fiction. It may get you to the state of horny you require, it may give you some ideas, help you fantasise.

Even if you are not horny try masturbating, when you are alone and comfortable and have some time obviously. I often find orgasm is better than a sleeping pill so at night, when I'm alone (which being in a LDR I often am), I masturbate regardless of whether I was horny to start with or not - the state of being turned on is kicked started by the stimulation. Fantasy helps a lot too.

[Theresa]

I have never tried to masturbate. May that is the ticket. I could never tell my husband tho.....what will he think??? May be trying new things on him would help. He then might help me out.