[ThexMrs]

.................poor excuse for a man cheated on me Friday.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Anger is good, sweet... but .....

He still has not texted you I gather, then he is a loser...

He loses.

He lost.

He has shown his weak shallow side...

Take 20 deep breathes.

x

CW

[Hopeless Dork]

I used to get told how great I looked, how attracted he was. Not any more...they seem to figure once your hooked so to speak, there is no need. Sigh. It would be nice to have a compliment once in a while.

I am not at all saying this is what you are doing.. its something I do for sure lol.. but something in your post made me think of a guy I was watching on TV the other night and he said.. "Men are scared to do something/say something nice because once they have done it - women will constantly expect it and if they don't keep doing it they will always get 'you don't love me as much as you did on thursday because you didn't do xyz'."

I had to laugh because I KNOW I do that. The other day my boyfriend did the sweetest thing for me, and I loved it. The next day when he had the opportunity to do the same thing and didn't I was a little bit sad wondering why he hadn't.. as if it should become a ritual - when he probably saw doing it that one time as just that, and didn't NOT do it the next day because he felt less, he just probably didn't realize he'd need to do it for eternity to keep me happy lol..

After hearing that guy talk about it, I had a smile to myself and realized I was guilty of it and hopefully can make a little change on how I see things and accept something he says or does that is super special without coming to expect it delivered in the same fashion over and over.

A guy might think.. I told her she was beautiful, she knows I think she's beautiful, surely she doesn't need me to tell her that every day? But yeah, sometimes we do need to hear that again. Not every day, or every time we give a picture - but now and then its comforting to hear they still think of us the same way.

_____________

Re the update by XMRS,

So sorry sweetie that he hasn't gotten back to you. Perhaps from knowing how strongly you felt about cheating - he is thinking there isn't a thing he can do to salvage and so is ducking out to avoid the impending fury. Which is an unfair move I think for anyone. I think when you do something that hurts someone, the least you can do is let them air and vent their dissapointment, their anger and their sadness. It will only serve to help them heal. I hope he gives you that opportunity at that type of closure but if he doesn't..

You'll have to give it to yourself. Write it down, say it to a friend, say it here, say all the way's you feel about it and release it from your heavy heart. I guess its only a small comfort that he was honest with you... but at least he respected you enough to not lie to you or string you along.

[Steph33]

Interesting. I've had some conversations with women who knew my BF, all said he was totally sweet to the women he went out. And most who dumped him did so because he was simply sweet so wasn't a "challange." A lot of women (some of my friends among them) seem attracted to men who treat them somewhat lousy and are not sweet, somehow thinking it's "manly." I guess the "bad boy" thing.

So plenty of either gender have a screw loose. Treated like , less, or being ungiving was never a turn on for me. It was directions to get out.

Mine can recite all the poorly rhyme poems that he writes he wants to. He can't draw a straight line but plenty of room in my hope chest for his hand drawn and colored cards that arrive occassionally at work for no reason.

[Richard S]

You want the truth? We pay you complements because we know what will happen when we don't. If we didn't find you attractive we wouldn't be there in the first place.

When you send your BF a "dirty" picture, what he is responding to is that you made the effort to do something on his terms, that is, you tramped yourself up for him. This is the female equivalent of a guy sending flowers or arranging a "spontaneous, unplanned" dinner at your favorite French restaurant where you need reservations a month in advance.

It has nothing to do with how he feels about your looks.

[Steph33]

You want the truth? We pay you complements because we know what will happen when we don't.

Happy to say I enjoy a relationship where we both ENJOY giving simply for no reason instead of the "dead" type of exchange some couples must apparently have. But I guess artificial nice is better than no nice ??

To each their own I suppose. Good luck to anyone in that kind of exchange for the long term. I wonder how many divorce then a man can't understand "what was wrong ??"