[ItsASecret]

The thing is with my boyfriend when he does give me all that affection I don't just turn the other cheek at it. I'm not sure if I explained it all enough to get what I was trying to say. He will give me all the affection in the world and I will accept every ounce of it and thank him completely from the bottom of my heart. I just do not feel the arousal from all of it. Like I said on occasion I get the warm fuzzys but it just doesn't happen each and every single time he does it. I have talked to him about the possibility of him cheating and I said flat out I wouldn't be surprised if he would. However, his mind is very set on me. I have used comments to see where he stands to see if I could flush anything out without him knowing but he is very consistent with his answers and opinions, and from my knowledge it means he is very sincere about his feelings for me. The sex isn't the problem, we both love it 100%, it is my mental arousal which causes problems.

I have always said that if I were to move away to a new city I would start fresh and become a person that people here do not expect me to be. It is just hard to get that mentality for where I live now. People here know me as the girl who does not party, does not drink, keeps quiet, and lays low when in social situations. I do pretend to enjoy myself when I am around others just to get a feel for how I could manipulate my own mind into doing what I want it to do but it just feels so uncomfortable to try and be someone that I obviously am not. Applying that sort of logic in the bedroom is even more difficult ( trying to be nympho-esc when you are self conscious is a horrible mix), but in the name of science there is a lot of trial and error before you can get the results you are looking for lol. I must keep trying!

[Swiftus]

Sorry I havent gotten back to you all sooner.

I haven't really hit my wife between the eyes with this as I don't see it helping. I think that it will only force her further away sexually.

I am happy to see that many other women face the same situation.

After my initial post, I tried to change things up a bit. Without getting too graphic, I went down on her and refused to stop. Every time she pulled away, I asked for more (it was a good four long songs on the iPod non stop). I had music and candles going... After she simply refused to let me clit dive any longer, she simply wanted it to be over with. I know this because she offers whatever position I want. While the sex was decent for me, I know that she still derived little or no personal satisfaction for it.

[ItsASecret]

After my initial post, I tried to change things up a bit. Without getting too graphic, I went down on her and refused to stop. Every time she pulled away, I asked for more (it was a good four long songs on the iPod non stop). I had music and candles going... After she simply refused to let me clit dive any longer, she simply wanted it to be over with. I know this because she offers whatever position I want. While the sex was decent for me, I know that she still derived little or no personal satisfaction for it.

Does she find oral sex gross? I sure did at first until I started to talk about it with my boyfriend. You need to find out where she stands on things. You must talk to her about everything, no other way around it. I'm sure some women simply do not enjoy the thought or act of oral which is fine because everyone is different. If nothing works, including discussion, then the only other thing that I believe may be the issue unfortunately is that she is not being faithful to you and may feel extremely guilty for having so much affection coming from you. I definitely hope that is not the case though.

[rcoreyus]

ItsASecret: I understand how difficult it is to change from the behavior that people expect, it would be much easier if you were moving to a new city (that is what I did).

Being more open to sex though is a different matter. I am absolutely sure that your boyfriend will be overjoyed if you are more open / active /agressive (or more of a nympho as you put it). There is nothing to loose. You can even tell him that "I've decided I want to have more fun in bed". Honestly - what could go wrong? Do you think there is any chance he would turn you down? The worst case is that even after being more open you may find you still don't like sex much - but in that case you haven't lost much of anything. On the other hand, if it works you will have gained so much.