[ItsASecret]

That saying 'where the mind goes the body follows' holds true when we try and lie to them, because our body language reflects our poorly chosen lies, the body has followed the mind, the lies are obvious in our actions and not just our words.

lol Question. Would you say an example of this body language of poorly chosen lies is true in the men who want to "talk to" or "get to know" the woman they saw across the room because she seems like a "real sweet lady" even though he truly wants to talk to her because she has huge spilling out of her shirt boobs and he is attempting to make his words seem genuine even though his main concern may be to figure out how to get her in bed because of those huge boobs. His fumbling mannerism, maybe biting his lip to distract himself from looking down, giving the fake nod and "oh yeah yeah I love doing that" remark when she mentions she loves shopping. That sort of body language for poorly chosen lies? lol

[cathy23]

when my boyfriend and I first became intimate he would look in my eyes and watch my expressions while we had sex. It made me VERY self-conscious. It's all better now

[Hugo-B]

lol Question. Would you say an example of this body language of poorly chosen lies is true in the men who want to "talk to" or "get to know" the woman they saw across the room because she seems like a "real sweet lady" even though he truly wants to talk to her because she has huge spilling out of her shirt boobs and he is attempting to make his words seem genuine even though his main concern may be to figure out how to get her in bed because of those huge boobs. His fumbling mannerism, maybe biting his lip to distract himself from looking down, giving the fake nod and "oh yeah yeah I love doing that" remark when she mentions she loves shopping. That sort of body language for poorly chosen lies? lol

That would be a perfect and very, very typical example of a man's body language demonstrating that he is not congruent with what he's saying, (and apart from sales people using false flattery and showing insincere interest) this usually where most men slip up. I didn't realize how obvious it was, and actually how threatening it can feel having a man look you 'up-and-down' (as opposed to women who throw men sideways glances) until a gay man tries to chat me up in a bar once.

This is why men should have a clear (or the clearest idea possible) of what it is they are looking for in a woman and why, not just an 'anything will do attitude' this way when you recognize qualities and traits in someone you can show a genuine interest and make sincere compliments.

I do think younger men deserve a little more compassion though, since the only part of them which is generally fully developed is their libido, alcohol generally doesn't (apart from calming the nerves) make a clumsy pass any smoother either.

[Guest]

A University of Aberdeen study showed that women (and indeed men) regard someone who explicitly seeks out eye contact with them as being “more interesting” and “better” than other people.

Neurological research backs that up. In 2001, English scientist Chris Fith showed hundreds of people pictures of faces staring directly at them. He then took brain scans of the subjects, and every scan registered activity in the region of the subject’s brain that normally produces dopamine when we’re rewarded for something. In other words, most people react to eye contact as they would react to receiving a gift.

The way you look at a woman will determine the outcome of your eye contact. Sounds obvious, but a smile works wonders. And you don’t score any points for sneaking a glance out of the corner of your eye.

Again we turn to the University of Aberdeen, where psychologist Claire Conway showed photos of men to hundreds of test subjects. Some of the men were casting sidelong glances at the camera (i.e. at the woman), while others looked straight into the lens. While the differences between the pictures were sometimes very small, all the test subjects said that they found the men more attractive if they looked straight ahead – even if they had an angry or disgusted expression on their faces. The men who looked directly into the camera and smiled had the most success.

Want to raise your chances of a good first impression? Then raise your eyebrows. You’re probably already doing it to people you know, without even realising it: raising your eyebrows for a tenth of a second in what social psychologists like Kate Fox, of London’s Social Issues Research Centre, call an “eyebrow-flash”.

What? No visible signs of success after you’ve exchanged glances with that beautiful stranger? Don’t give up. As with so many things, women have a completely different approach to eye contact than men do.

For example, women tend to make more eye contact in daily life. But when a woman encounters someone she finds attractive, the chances are she’ll not be quite so forthcoming with the inviting glances.

That’s what Van Straaten found in a recent study where he monitored how male and female subjects responded to intimate eye contact. “We regularly do experiments where we see how men and women behave as they sit opposite each other for five minutes,” he says. “It should be noted that men who find someone attractive, almost immediately make more eye contact and signal that they’re interested. In women this isn’t the case.

Of course, there is also such a thing as being too enthusiastic with your eye contact. (And five minutes of staring into her eyes definitely qualifies as “too enthusiastic”.) Once you’ve initiated conversation, it’s a good idea to occasionally look away. Most people will turn their gaze almost automatically when it’s their turn to speak, because viewing and interpreting a face takes up a lot of brain activity.

Case in point: a recent experiment at the University of Stirling in England found that subjects who maintain continuous, uninterrupted eye contact with a partner will provide less accurate answers to simple questions. So your chances of making a good impression by constantly staring at her during a conversation are, it’s fair to say, minimal. And it’s also pretty creepy.

And finally, for all of my friends here who think it's not important to make eye contact with your SO/Spouse...

Eye contact isn’t just a way to break the ice with someone you’re meeting for the first time. Even after a long relationship, you’ll still reap the benefits of regularly looking your partner in the eyes.

Want proof? Then consider the famous experiment by Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin. In 1970 Rubin created a “love scale” by which couples who’d been together for several years reported how intense, exciting and loving their relationship was. After giving each couple a score based on their responses, Rubin then sent the couples to a room where cameras monitored their eye movements. Rubin found that the couples who were still deeply in love looked each other 75% of the time while talking. (In normal conversation, people look each other in the eye only 30-60% of the time.) The couples in Rubin’s experiment who made the least eye contact seemed, quite literally, to be looking elsewhere for their excitement.

I apologize for the length...I hope it helps!

There has also been quite a bit of research regarding eye contact in a business/professional/work setting with lots of interesting data on that too, but I didn't want to bore all of you to death.